12 Horrible Pieces Of Intimate Relationship Advice Found On The Internet!

Introduction

The Internet is full of useful informationever since the advent of Google, we no longer have to wonder or question or discuss things that are puzzling us. Simply type it in to Google and get the answer to your pressing question instantaneously!

Encyclopedias? Asking your friends? Going to the library? All unnecessary in the age of Google!

Nowhere is this more prominent that in the arena of sexual activity. Questions about sex acts are always tough to pose and can generally make even the most brazen of us blush. Enter Google and now you can ask all your embarrassing sexual questions anonymously and get instant satisfaction (see what I did there?)

But is this the best approach? What if the advice Google is giving you is actually terrible (as it so often is)?

Here are some of the worst of the worst sex advice running rampant on the internet. Perhaps there is something to be said from growing a pair and asking the embarrassing question in a group of learned friends... because following this advice is bound to lead to disappointment!

1. Use your Toe to Stimulate Your Woman

Really? I don't know about all the other women out there but the last thing I want near my lady bits is your big toe...But hey, give it a whirl and be sure to let me know how that goes...

2. Change Your Sheets

Ok, I don't want to be negative here but if you need to be told to change your sheets to up your sack gameyou are probably not doing the best job to begin with. Changing your sheets is a basic necessity of home hygeine that everyone should probably practice, and suddenly deciding to join society in the land of the clean is not likely to make you knock a woman's socks off in bed. Yet according to not one but TWO sex experts on WebMD this can actually help...

3. Pray

Mom Life Today (everyone's first choice for sex advice clearly) suggests that if all else fails, prayer will result in deepening your sex life. Again, this is a practical skill we are talking about. How about some practice, education and self discovery? Nopestick with prayer. That will fix everything.

4. Give Your Guy a Beer Facial

Why??? Why must we insist on combining beer with sex? Here's a thoughtif you want to use beer to enhance your sex life, drink some and let it lower your inhibitions so you might be a bit more open to doing more adventurous things (with a loving and committed partner of course). Do NOT mix it with avocado (you know how much money you're throwing down the drain???) and smear it on your guys face.

5. Sprinkle Pepper Under His Nose to Induce a Sneeze

Everyone knows sneezing is just as pleasurable as an orgasm right? No? Oh. Well, Cosmo sure thinks it is. As you were.

6. Learn to Milk his Manly Bits

Because last time I checked, a man's special parts were just like a cow's udder. I'm not against some fun in that area, but if you've ever milked a cow you know that a LOT of force is needed. Unless you want your man screaming in pain, or worse, landing in the emergency department, probably best to avoid this great Cosmo tip.

7. Have a Staring Contest

Folks, there is an important difference between having a moment of intimate connection while looking deep into your partner's eyes versus actively engaging them in a stare-down. This is what animals do to assert dominance. Are you trying to assert dominance? If notskip this Redbook tip.

8. Men–Cover Your Eyes

Blindfold play can definitely be a positive in the bedroom, but this Men's Health tip suggests that men cover their eyes to help women overcome their body image issues. Seriously? You know what is going to make a body image worse? Having your dude cover his eyes as soon as you disrobe.

9. Use Baked Goods

Are you picturing that steamy sex scene from 9 to 5? Yeahthat's not what Cosmo had in mind. Instead, they brilliantly suggest putting a donut around a man's penis. Donut hole anyone?

10. Make Love to Her Face

Any woman who watched Sex and the City will likely remember when Charlotte dumped a guy for being a terrible kisser. She explained to the girls that he essentially licked all over her faceand not one of the gang went "hot damn!" Men, skip this one. Kisses are greatsave the rest for when you visit a different part of her body.

11. Make A Bedroom Burrito

We have Men's Health to thank for this gem, which suggests wrapping your woman so tightly in the sheets that she 'can't do anything with her arms' . I would like to know how you then proceed to do anything to herbut hey?

12. Treat his Manhood like a Joystick

Who here watches Grey's Anatomy and remembers when Little Grey broke Mark Sloan? That's in your future if you decide to embrace this truly terrible Cosmo tip. Did you know a penis can actually fracture? Trust me, it's not something you want to find out first hand.