14 Signs You Might Be Terrible In Bed And Don’t Even Know It.
By
Michael Avery in
Life Style
On 19th August 2016
According to a recent survey conducted by HealthyWomen and Working Mother magazine, women today are putting their own health last. That's right. Women put their children, partners, and sometimes, their pets, before themselves. Additionally, 62 percent of women admitted that they were unsatisfied with their sex lives. Although 41 percent of the women surveyed regularly have orgasms during sexual activities, a large number of those orgasms come from masturbation — the woman's own doing, without the help of their partner.
In most cases, sex can reflect the health of the relationship and that of the individual. Having sex with another person may bring you closer to one another. It also boosts your immunity and helps improve your mood. That's why more couples should open up about what's working and what's not. How can you sustain something that isn't enjoyable?
Sexual satisfaction is a hot topic, but because of its sensitive nature, many couples struggle to talk about it with each other. The subject is then brought up in circles of friends but it should really be happening between the two people involved.
If you're more of a DIY kind of person, you can find a few things to avoid in the bedroom in the list below, but the best advice we can give you is to open up that conversation with your partner.
#1. You skip the foreplay.
Let's be real. On some days, you are just more ready than others. But just in case, you should always engage in a little foreplay. Even if you're ready, you want to make sure that you're not hurting yourself or your partner (or cutting the night too short).
#2. You come on too strong and you don't know when to stop.
Slow down, cowboy. A little pushing and shoving might seem sexy, maybe you saw it in a movie once, but there is such a thing as too rough. Don't get too caught up in the moment. Make sure your partner can breathe okay. Make sure you aren't hurting anyone.
Sex isn't just about you and what makes you feel good. Make sure you're practicing safe sex, and we're not just talking about condoms. Set boundaries. If you're into BDSM, make sure to always use a safeword.
#3. You act like you're running a marathon.
In the Olympics, the winners never look back. They run as fast as they can until they get to the finish line. Sex is not the same thing. Don't do that. Look at your partner and determine the pace accordingly. When it comes to sex, you don't get a gold medal for finishing first. No one likes jack rabbit sex.
#4. You're a pillow princess.
In the queer world, we use the word 'pillow princess' to describe those individuals that prefer to lie there and receive all the goods without reciprocating. Some folks actually enjoy this set up, but those who haven't should probably step it up. Feeling sluggish? To gain energy, start eating right and exercising regularly. However, if there are some things that you really don't feel comfortable with, don't force yourself to do them. Be as clear and as firm as possible when disclosing the discomfort with your partner.
#5. You only focus on one thing: the Big O.
When you only focus on the orgasm, you're settling yourselves up for disappointment. Enjoy all the little parts that come with sex. Don't take them for granted.
#6. You aren't open about what you really want.
If you know what you want and aren't speaking up, don't expect your partner to discover your secret anytime soon. Would you like to be kissed on the neck? Let them know or gently guide their lips in the right direction.
On the other hand, this may not be completely your fault. Your partner should pay attention and ask about what gives you pleasure.
#7. You aren't open about any issues or problems you're living with.
If you have an STI, let your partner know, even if you're scared or embarrassed. It's your responsibility. If you're in a monogamous relationship, trust that your partner will support you through it. It'll be difficult but don't wait to reveal this important information.
#8. You dig into your partner's sexual history to the point of obsession.
It's a big turnoff when someone is digging into your sexual past. While it's important to be open and honest, be careful not to get obsessed with this. It can ruin a relationship, especially those that are just starting out. If you struggle with this, you may have an insecurity problem. Talk about it and clear the air.
#9. You're just awkward.
Sometimes dorky is cute but during sex, it just might trigger that 'I'm not in the mood' line. If you're going to engage in sexual activities with another person, be confident in your decision.
#10. 'You're hot then you're cold, you're yes then you're no.'
If you're one of those people that are affectionate during sex and cold right after, you should check yourself. Just because you're finished doesn't mean the night is. You don't have to be in love, just don't be rude.
#11. For example, you might say things like 'Don't touch me.'
A steamy session leads to, well, one very hot bed. So you might not want to continue making out. That's fine. But don't withdraw all your affection. You can cuddle, touch their hair, or just face them, without even touching them, while you cool down.
#12. You're a cocky bore.
You rely on one move because it's worked before. You know it's worked because it made someone moan. You heard them yourself. Got it. But be careful about being repetitive. The same move might not work for everyone, so don't think that something is wrong with them if it doesn't. It might not even work with the same partner, depending on their mood.
The solution? Always be present during sex. Pay attention to what is genuinely giving your partner pleasure. Be open to learning new things and to variety.
#13. You ignore your partner's anatomy.
It doesn't matter if you're dating a male, female, or gender fluid individual. Allow them to guide you up and down their body. Learn about their points of pleasure (i.e. the clitoris) and pain, and respect them.
#14. The only question you ask is a rhetorical 'You like that?'.
When you are intimate with someone, you're learning more about them in a way that no one ever will. If you assume you know what they want all the time, you'll never get to know what's actually working. Don't assume. Observe. Ask. Listen.
