With spray tanned topee enthusiast, Donald Trump, taking the presidency of the US we've come to a conclusion: 2016 has been a big pile of shite. With more death and misery than a Game of Thrones season finale it has been a total write off and we're still not done. Don't agree? Here's our iron-clad argument for 2016 being an absolute, utter mess.
#1 Brexit
The aging British electorate came out in droves and voted to leave the European Union with the Brexit vote. The people decided to leave the union and be on its own once again, leaving the fate of Ireland and Scotland up in arms. Headed up by narrow-minded Nigel Farage, and backed by lobbyists, the people later have buyer's remorse after it's learned that the exit will be costlier than promised. Brexit was a jaw-dropping shit show from start to finish and the UK has seen a 400% increase in hate crimes against ethnic minorities following the vote.
#2 ISIS Has Its Big Year
The terror group formed out of dissidents from Syria, Lybia, Iraq, and the remains of Al-Queda, had a breakout year inflicting more misery and dread on the world than a thousand Nickelback concerts. The black-clad terror group and jihadi jackasses spent the majority of 2016 committing atrocities in Syria and throughout the Middle East and up to France, The Netherlands, and Germany. Claiming other atrocities like beheadings, rape, torture, bombings, and taking over cities, and a few terror attacks, they finally ended up getting bombed by a coalition of countries, and even Russia!
#3 We Lost David Bowie
Androgynous musical genius, David Bowie, passed away suddenly two days after his 69th birthday from liver cancer. His life was a cultural event that reestablished the meaning of celebrity and redefined music. He was a figure in popular music for over five decades, regarded by critics and musicians as an innovator, particularly for his work in the 1970s. Artists like Lady Gaga, St. Vincent, Janelle Monáe and Adam Lambert say he was a major inspiration
#4 The Disastrous Rio Olympic Games
They were not prepared for the games, and the country went broke hosting the 2016 Summer Games. Not only that, they were rocked with scandals from unsanitary sleeping quarters for athletes to dirty waters for the swimming events. Ireland had boxer Michael Conlan was robbed of a gold medal after the AIBA announced that his opponent, Russian bruise collector, Vladimir Nikitin, had won their match. Irish Olympic official, Pat Hickey, was arrested by Brazilian authorities in connection with an investigation on ticket touting and corruption. Russia was practically shut out for steroid use, and who could forget Ryan Lochte and three other American swimmers who were punished for their roles in an alcohol-fueled international incident at the Rio Games. Empty seats, green pools, chaotic transport and disgusting accommodation aside, this was the worst Olympic games since the Greeks held the first.
#5 Harambe Memes
This was major news for months. People took sides, and with good reason. Staff at a Cincinnati zoo shot and killed a RARE silverback gorilla named Harambe, after a child somehow fell into his enclosure. Harambe had been dragging the child around in front of a terrified crowd, forcing the zoo staff to take action to protect the life of the child. The death of the gorilla was a tragic incident but the really horrible circus came when the internet got their hands on the incident. Many people were clearly upset at the incident, but most were mocking the death and the family for allowing their child to wander into the gorilla enclosure. For MONTHS Harambe memes flooded social media, fuelled by the guffaws of thick, small-minded morons. Like all memes, it eventually died, but only once every single knuckle dragging churl with a WiFi connection had shared it in one protracted frenzy of anti-humour.
#6 Prince Died
The world was shocked when purple-clad song-dwarf, Prince, tragically died of an overdose of fentanyl in April. Regarded as one of the greatest musicians of all time his death shocked a world already reeling from the death of David Bowie. Though his output hadn't been as good in later years, Purple Rain was listed as one of the best albums of all time, and the movie was a creative success. And, we can all agree that Raspberry Beret is the best hat-related song of all time.
#7 Suicide Squad Sucked
It was hyped for over a year, and billions were spent on this DC Comics latest ride into cinematic history. However, despite promising marketing, DC's latest dour-fest, Suicide Squad, proved to be a total joke of a film. Not even an energetic performance from Margot Robbie could save it. Comic book and sci-fi fans were totally turned off and proclaimed the film'The Worst Movie Of The Decade' which is bad because we still have a few years left to go. It also featured Jared Leto's joker, a villain with the mannerisms and menace of a 13-year-old who drank too much Red Bull at a teen disco.
#8 Clowns Became Creepy
In other idiotic-internet-in-joke news, 'Creepy clowns' suddenly became a major pressing topic as humorless dolts across the US and UK began dressing up in colored wigs and makeup in order to menace people. In the run-up to the US presidential election, the godforsaken clowns got nearly as much media coverage as the primaries. People claimed they saw clowns offering children candy, money, rides, and even fighting with police. In Germany, they put a ban on clowns in October for Halloween, and several US cities did the same, as the hysteria showed no sign of letting up.
#9 Muhammad Ali Passed
Muhammad Ali: black rights activist, philanthropist, and the greatest boxer of all time passed away at the age of 74 from a respiratory illness. His death prompted an outpouring of tributes from the international community and a convenient refusal to mention his controversial, but justified views on racism by the American establishments.
#10 They Changed The Toblerone Bar
Popular chocolate bar Toblerone is changing its iconic triangular shape, angering loyal chocolate lovers in the U.K. who are blaming Brexit. And here by 'change the shape' they actually mean 'given you less triangles, for the same price'. They took out a row of triangles and left a gap between the chocolate triangles. That's just not right!
#11 Donald Trump Became President
Need we say anymore? This is just a small sample of why 2016 totally was a mess!
