8 WWE Hall Of Famers Who Would Be Better Presidents Than Donald Trump

1. Charles Wright

Okay, so he's going into the WWE Hall of Fame as The Godfather, the legendary pimp whose Ho Train burned fossil fuels and calories all over the world in the most erotic way possible, but that's great: we could use a pimp in office over here. We haven't had one since Bill Clinton, so it's been a long time coming. It's not all that different, really, what with passing out our freedoms to corporations for overnight fandangos until daybreak.

But notice I said Charles Wright, because he depicted three very popular characters over his tenure in the WWE, and The Godfather is just the start of it. Before doing the hustler character, Wright played Kama Mustafa, a UFC-esque fighter who bullied his way to victory at any cost necessary. That's what the U.S. does best, and voters love a guy who can take it to the opposition. We're about one or two elections away from debates being replaced by gladiatorial combat.

Wright also depicted the voodoo priest Papa Shango in one of the more colorful and legendary "character" gimmicks, and who wouldn't love a little black magic at the White House? What, is Vladimir Putin being stubborn? Cook some chicken feet in fizzy drinks, throw in some paprika, and boom, you've got a potion to make him sign over Russia to the President as America 2! Sorted.

2. Bob Backlund

This one might be the easiest choice on the list, because Backlund actually tried to have a go at office.

The Bob Backlund stories pile up like political scandals for wrestling fans, and there's significant evidence that this guy is tinfoil-hat crazy. Paul Heyman even had to escort him out of an ECW show one time for showing up and attempting to overtake the show by publicizing his 2000 Presidential campaign. When Paul Heyman thinks you're too crazy for an ECW crowd, you might just be sane enough to be President.

Backlund has been persistent throughout the years on his failed Presidential runs, running in 1996 on a campaign of conservative values and general craziness, before going totally bonkers and having history repeat itself in 2000. The man would stare off into space like a deranged lunatic in the squared circle, and refused to sign autographs unless kids could recite all of the Presidents of the United States in the correct order.

It's good to have sociopathic tendencies in one of the most powerful positions in the world, you know.

The walking, talking Howdy Doodie doll would love for America to go back to the way it was in the 1950s, so you could argue that he also wants to make America great again. Well, you know, for white men. But still, they count, too, right?

We could all be spirited back to the times when your milk was delivered to your door so you didn't have to leave your house Wait, that actually sounds pretty great. On second thought, vote Backlund 2016: Make America Lazier.

3. Sgt. Slaughter

You know what this country needs to shape up? A drill sergeant. You know, one of those military guys who screams insults at people who are trying their best and never heaps praise on anyone, regardless of their outstanding accomplishments. No, I'm not talking about your boss!

And who better to fit that bill than Sgt. Slaughter, the WWE Hall of Famer who used a bevy of hurtful words to make his opponents feel less than human and then utilized the most boring finish in wrestling a sleeper hold to insult the rest of us.

Yes so there was that time he completely betrayed America and aligned himself with Saddam Hussein, but Donald Trump himself has also recently praised Saddam Hussein as a peacekeeper against terrorism, and The Donald is likely going to be the Republican candidate for the U.S. Presidency. All is apparently forgiven if you're brutally honest, apparently, and the Sarge isn't afraid to speak his mind.

But what does Sgt. Slaughter have that the likes of Donald Trump doesn't? Well, he was in G.I. Joe, the popular military cartoon that focused on stopping terrorism. All Donald Trump did in Hollywood was not help a lost kid find his parents in Home Alone 2. He also regularly showed up to take an ass-beating on Monday Night RAW, but he always got back up, dusts himself off, and kept on fighting.

But then you could say the same for Trump's numerous bankruptcies.

4. The Iron Sheik

Surely, we're getting carried away here? The long-time arch villain to the United States of America, who has on numerous occasions spat at the USA's name, making a better President than the likely conservative nominee?

Well, listen to the evidence.

One of the selling points to Trump being the President is that outlandish words come out of his mouth, and we all sit with our mouths agape as we wonder if he actually REALLY just said what we think he did. "Did he really just say you're asking for rape when women join the military?" Yeah, he did. And the Iron Sheik also just said he'd beat the expletives out of North Korea because they "have the rice crispy [genitalia]." One and the same.

Sure, he wasn't born in the United States, but neither was Ted Cruz, another Republican nominee for the Presidency.

Maybe the Sheik could run with Simon Cowell as his running mate and become a political trailblazer behind a campaign of sound bytes and criticism that also resonates with reality show-loving voters? A Presidency fuelled on jelly beans and drugs might just be what this country needs.

The great thing about the Iron Sheik as President is he will give you a clear-cut concept of his views (usually laced with expletives and crankiness), and we could use a full-blown heel as our Commander-in-Chief. We haven't had one since Richard Nixon.

And just imagine him overtaking the @POTUS Twitter account, or ranting and raving while pardoning our Thanksgiving turkey. Iran #1! USA? Hak-puh!

5. “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase

Donald Trump had to take a "small loan" of a million dollars from his father to get his own empire off the ground. You know who didn't need a "small" million dollar loan to rise up through the ranks of the rich and famous? "The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase.

What's better about Mr. DiBiase comparatively to his rich associates is his willingness to use his money for openly evil purposes. You know, like challenging a child to bounce a basketball for money, only to kick the ball away on the cusp of victory. That's cold blooded. We need a leader who is not afraid to let kids starve in the streets for their own amusement, as clearly indicated by the recent election results.

Unbridled millionaire apologists love a guy who isn't afraid to rub his success in the nose of others, as they're usually too clueless to recognize they're the ones whose schnoz is the punchline.

The one tricky issue is the obvious one: the question of manservants in the White House. But perhaps Virgil won't join him? Or, even better, perhaps he could be his running mate? Virgil fell on hard times after he left the side of DiBiase, so he could use the recognition of being the Vice President of the United States of America to get over again.

6. “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan

One of the huge reasons Donald Trump has so much steam behind him is that he wants to "Make America Great Again." People of the United States really love their catchphrases and every successful politician has one. Usually it has to be one word, like "Hope", as we tend to get lost in long sentences. Luckily, "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan has a simple, three-letter catch phrase that can be chanted in arenas, college campuses, and town hall meetings throughout the country: "USA! USA!"

A former American football player with a doofy expression carrying around a 2×4 plank of wood while screaming his patriotism? If that doesn't scream "government official," I don't know what does. Duggan was known throughout his career as the every-man American who would stand up against the foreign invaders from places most of my countrymen couldn't point to on a map. But they weren't from America, so they must've had it coming.

He's not afraid to get his hands a little dirty, either. His stint in WCW during the Monday Night Wars involved becoming a janitor for the company, scrubbing toilets during the Vince Russo era of the company. We all love people who we can relate to, especially when it comes to intellect, and who wants to elect someone better and smarter than us when you could elect the guy who kisses a toilet brush?

7. Hulk Hogan

He is a real American, and he'll fight for the rights of every man and woman. It'd be pretty cool to hear Hulk Hogan walk up to the podium, where Mean Gene would be standing with the microphone in-hand, all while blasting his "Real American" theme tune to give State of the Union addresses.

He'd hold his hand to his ear whilst fielding questions from the myriad of reporters. In times of tragedy, he'd give that shooting glance of heartbreak he gave when Andre the Giant ripped his necklace off to set up their epic feud at WrestleMania III. He'd refer to fellow world leaders as "dude" and "brother," and all would be right with the world.

Listen, it's not as idyllic as it could be. Let's address the elephant in the room: Hulk Hogan said some stupid, racist stuff. It was heinous and terrible to think, let alone say. And a lot of folks can say he didn't know he was being recorded, but that's never an excuse. But at least he's sorry for saying those racist things he said in a dark period in his life, as opposed to Trump unabashedly (and somehow successfully) using racism as a platform to become the President.

8. Stone Cold Steve Austin

All that homegrown patriotism is fun and good, but what we could really use in the White House is a man whose agenda is drinking alcohol and making bad decisions that he will never have the wherewithal to regret like a terrible stepdad. Americans can be like, "man, why did mom ever get with this guy? He blew all of her money she saved up on a monster truck with no engine!"

An outspoken advocate for LGBT rights, Stone Cold is a man who says whatever's on his mind and absolutely does not give a damn what anybody thinks about it. He is the archetypal American, the type of guy who people from other countries assume other Americans aspire to be. The funny thing is, they're not wrong.

That's the type of gritty man we could use as a leader: fearless, yet compassionate, and definitely thirsty for beer. He even has his own brand of beer, which is the most American thing you can do with your life. Take those Trump steaks and shove ‘em, Don.

The great thing about Steve Austin is that nobody tells him what to do: not the boss, not the authorities, and damn sure not any millionaire. Stone Cold has even stood nose-to-nose with Donald Trump, and they certainly did not debate the size of one another's genitals. In fact, he kicked him in the bread basket and gave him a Stunner.

Donald Trump can talk smack on his opponents, but actions speak louder than words, and Austin 3:16 says "I just whupped your ass" with his boot.

Which of these Hall Of Famer candidates would you most like to see in the White House?