80s Breathtaking BEDROOM POSTERS That Are Truly Awesome!
#1 Van Halen
This whole list comes down to personal tastes, really, which is why it is so rad. But if your tastes didn't include Van Halen's 1984, then you had bad taste. And you missed out on David Lee Roth, the King of the Sexy Interlude; Eddie Van Halen, heroic wielder of the world's most recognizable axe; his brother, Alex Van Halen, the man with four kick drums and a gong in one kit; and the bass player.
#2 C4 Corvette
Everybody has particular tastes in cars too, but I doubt most kids were as discerning about cars and babes as they were about music, sports, and movies. Because any car or any babe at that age was just dream material anyways. But still, some cars stand out as being just a bit more dreamy than the rest, and that starts with the C4 Corvette. In 1984, the first C4 looked like the automotive expression of America nuking Russia. It was surely the car Duke from G.I. Joe would drive whenever he and Wild Bill would get shore leave and go bird-dogging for local whores.
#3 Bo Jackson
Vincent Bo Jackson was such a transcendent athlete that even this diehard Broncos fan had the poster above, knowing full well that Jackson played for the hated Raiders. And according to my go-to source for all-things sports, the Champs Sports blog, I now know I wasn't the only one rooting for a guy who wasn't on my team. Apparently, after Nike's "Bo Knows" campaign in support of the Air Trainer 1, sales margins swooshed to the tune of nearly 1,000 percent. See what you can do with cheap labor, suspect business practices, and a Blue-Chip pitch man.
#4 Lamborghini Countach
I didn't want to overload this list with cars, as even a preteen adolescent punk should be well rounded, but there were a lot of hot rides in the '80s. Perhaps none more posterized than the Countach, the very car driven by the two girls in zip-down unitard pantsuits in "The Cannonball Run." Unfortunately though, none of the posters of the day (at least not the ones that made it to Buckingham Square Mall) really showed that exact car, which had not just two tubular girls driving it, but two tubular spoilers too - front and rear - so you could really dial in that aero.
#5 Commando
John Matrix was the baddest mofo on the planet, as far as I was concerned. When Matrix goes "shopping" for arms with co-conspirator Rae Dawn Chong, it's probably the second best arming scene in all of film, right after another '80s classic, "Red Dawn," which did not feature Rae Dawn Chong, though it sounds like it should have. When Arnold finally lands on the beach to go save his daughter Alyssa "Mint" Milano, the suiting up scene is...well, it's just the camouflaged embodiment of totally awesome. But what really secured John Matrix's placement on my wall was that move where he uses the saw blade as a Chinese star and lops off that guy's skull. God, what a great role model for a young, impressionable 11-year-old.
#6 Michael Jackson
Before we all worried about what our adoration had turned Michael Jackson into, we all adored Michael Jackson, particularly Thriller-era MJ. Since the bestselling album ever often came with a free poster, you probably had a Thriller poster too. Weird to think that of all the billions of people who loved MJ, that tiger was the only one who ever really understood him.
#7 Michael Jordan
If you didn't have a poster of His Airness on your wall, you were a hater (or just a Cavs fan). But actually, most of this MJ's most memorable posters probably came before the championships, right around '87 and '88, when he was flying into dunk contest history. Nobody jumped as far, as high, as long, or as stylishly as Jordan, which was perfect for posterizing, and also somewhat amazing, considering he was placing bets the whole time he was up there.
#8 Ferrari Testarossa
Not only is the Testarossa the car in "Outrun," the first driving game I'd ever played that actually had a shifter, but more importantly, this was also Sonny Crockett's second Ferrari, the white one, the one that made me think that a career in law enforcement was a surefire way to get rich. Fortunately, I started doing lots of drugs in high school and learned the truth.
#9 Victory
Remember when Stallone teamed up with Michael Caine and Pelé to play Allied POWs during World War II who go up against a Nazi soccer team in a "friendly." As a youngster, this poster was as inspirational as Kathy Smith. I didn't need one of those stupid quotation posters. Nope, I'd just wake up, say good morning to Heather, Christie, Kathy, and Leia, then I'd give a nod to Sly and Pelé, and Caine's curls, and I'd just know that whatever 2nd grade held for me that day, I would conquer it. Of course, this was before I learned that Pelé would have as much chance of playing in that game as my grandmother's murdered family, and in all likelihood, would have very likely been turned into soap. But still, an excellent poster back in 1981.
#10 This.
I'll admit, I never had this poster, or knew anyone who did. I've never seen it on anyone's wall. But while searching high and low for every classic '80s poster I could find, I discovered this gem of Hall & Oates cozying up to a Pontiac Fiero, which I'm pretty sure is the most crystalline expression of the decade you can find in poster form (not powder form). The only thing that could make this better is if Daryl and John shared a "Bitching!" thought bubble.
