A Mom Freaked Out Over Bear’s ‘Lady Parts’ On Her Daughter’s Christening Cake

#1 Just a sweet little teddy bear, right?

#2

Nope, if you're Sharon Green of Bolton, England, and those bears are on the top of your daughter's christening cake, you think they're pornographic devil spawn.

It looks like the two bears are just chilling on the cake and not, well, Netflix and chilling on a couch, so what could possibly be so offensive?

#3 The "crease" that Green said makes the teddy bear look like it has female genitals.

Admit it. You probably didn’t even think of that before I told you because you’re not crazy like Sharon Green, but now her whoo-ha is all that you can see.

I’m sorry for that. Let’s move on.

#4 She was so disgusted that she called up Occassion Cakes and demanded a refund, which she has yet to be given.

They basically thought she was crazy for making that kind of connection.

“We have been making girl and boy teddies this way for 30 years and no-one has ever drawn such a bizarre, and, quite frankly, distasteful, connection,” they said. “The small bear on top of the cake is exactly that — a teddy bear — and the crease on its stomach is supposed to represent the seam where the bear is sewn together.”

#5

An assistant gave her some flowers to preserve the teddy's modesty, but Green was not able to stick them down and said guests kept moving the flowers and poking fun at the cake.

“It is not just me who thought this, it was a talking point at the christening — everyone was commenting on it,” she said.

Probably because the flower makes it look like they’re trying to do a tasteful softcore photoshoot, but who am I to judge?

But how did the cake taste?

No one knows. They didn’t even let their guests eat the cake because they were hoping for a refund.

Instead, the guests enjoyed strawberry gateau and profiteroles that I’m assuming were not molded to represent anything phallic at all.