A Woman Burned Her Boyfriend's Penis With A Hair Straightener, But Don't Worry, She Had His Permission.

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In a bizarre case out of Adelaide, Australia, every man's worst nightmare came true for one poor soul. But in a deeply baffling twist, the victim had given permission for it to happen. And it wasn't even a kinky sex thing.

22-year-old Bronwyn Joy Parker pleaded guilty to recklessly causing serious harm in a domestic incident involving her boyfriend. The two had met on Facebook (never a good sign), and started a relationship that only got worse over time. As District Court Judge Paul Muscat said in his sentencing,

"You regularly abused him, including physically, if you suspected, or, if he admitted to being unfaithful to you. You were particularly jealous of his association with his ex-girlfriend."

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It got so bad that Parker's boyfriend eventually agreed that if he cheated on her, she could burn his testicles with her hair straightener. Then he cheated on her. Judge Muscat described the incident with fascinating and unnecessary detail:

"He was unfaithful to you and had spent two nights with his ex-girlfriend and had sex with her. When you found out about that, you reminded him of his promise to you He asked you ‘What about it?' referring to the promise he had previously made You told him to remove his penis from his shorts, which he did He said that you could ‘tap it' with the straighteners after he removed his penis, after you said that you were not going to burn his testicles You took his penis in your hand and then, with the other, you placed the straighteners on either side of the shaft of his penis before squeezing them momentarily I need not here say anything of the pain and shock which he then experienced."

Pain? Yes. Shock? That's harder to believe. Did they really not think applying a 400° piece of metal to his penis would hurt? That's certainly what Parker wants everyone to believe. She told the police that she thought it would just be like a bad sunburn. The reality was much worse:

"To start off with, it looked brown around the outside and it didn't look too bad, it just looked as if you had cooked a piece of meat."

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Within minutes, the victim's penis was "swollen, blistering and black in colour," according to his own description. He didn't get it treated right away, because he was embarrassed (no shit). When he did, he was diagnosed with third degree burns on both sides of his unit. Doctors say his healing process may take two years, but his little friend will never be the same. As Judge Muscat said,

"In short, his penis will be scarred for life and he will suffer from a number of issues, including the proper function of his penis, not to mention the cosmetic and psychological problems associated with the scarring to such a sensitive site."

For this senseless mistreatment of a poor little penis whose only crime was curiosity, the Judge sentenced Parker to nine months in prison. He later suspended that sentence upon her entering an 18-month good behavior bond. That means for the next year and a half, no dickbecues.