Abusive Parenting Is Real And Inherited, Here Are 5 Tricks To Stop The Cycle
On 31st July 2018
It is true that abusive parenting is real and can be inherited well, going on for generations causing irreparable damage to the kids psychologically. But this is also true that once you realize your fault and work to find out your triggers and control your behavior and amend your ways then these vicious cycles can be put to a stop. Social psychologist Susan Newman in her new article talks about abusive parenting and ways to deal with it effectively.
#1 Abusive Parenting Is Real And Can Be Dealt With In The Right Way If Intervened At The Right Time
Abusive parenting is real and it goes on and on for generations as just like any other disorder it can be inherited. The cycle if not intervened can continue for ages causing irreparable damage. Social psychologist Susan Newman wants to discuss toxic parenting and also tells a few tricks to put an end to this cycle.
#2 If You Are Abused, There Are High Chances That You Become An Abuser Yourself
Newman came up with 5 ways to deal with abusive parenting, the psychologist says, "If you’ve been abused, you may become an abuser yourself. It’s comparable to alcoholism: If there’s a lot of drinking in the house, it’s likely that your children will start drinking as well."
#3 5 Habits You Need To Watch Out For If You Want To Put An End To This Cycle!
According to Newman, these are the 5 habits you need to watch out for if you think you are an abusive parent and worried that you might pass it on to your kids. Newman says you can end this toxicity and become the parent you have always wanted to be.
#4 Acknowledge Your Wrongdoing And Don't Run From It
The first step in ending your toxic behavior towards your kids is to acknowledge your toxic attitude. Being a parent your child will always look up to you as a star and will never believe that you can do anything wrong. But that does not mean you are in the right always. You know you are in the wrong regarding your attitude and secretly in your heart, you accept it too and feel guilty about it. But that is not enough, if you are wrong accept it, acknowledge it and don't try to deny it or hide it. This is the only way you can deal with the trauma upfront and get rid of this behavior. Newman says, "Being grown-up gives you the distance to separate out what you think of as harmful or hurtful patterns, so you don’t transfer them to your children."
#5 Reflect Your Behavior From Time To Time
Reflect yourself. This is one way you can recognize your fault and put a stop to it. You might think you are right and you are controlling your child well and this is all for the sake of his well being but in reality, you are not only destroying your child's peace of mind but also ruining his self-esteem and confidence. So it is important that from time to time, you just step back and question yourself, whether you are doing right parenting and how your upbringing is affecting your child's mind.
#6 Set Boundaries For Yourself And For Your Parents
You know when you are being unreasonable and unjust towards your child. So just because you are an adult, you cannot deny that you are in the wrong. The only way to deal with this issue is that you set some boundaries for yourself and for your parents knowing well when to not cross that limit. Newman says, "You can coexist by saying to your parent, 'You had your turn at parenting; this is my turn,' or 'I know you have your grandchild’s best interest at heart, but we don’t agree with that way of doing things.' Stand firm on that because now you are the parent and the most influential role model for your children."
If your parents are adamant then according to Newman, "It’s time to reevaluate the relationship."
#7 Celebrate Your Sucess And Treat Yourself
All these efforts can be tiring at times as it is a constant battle between your mind and heart and only you know that how you are fighting this battle every day and how at times you need a break from this constant struggle. Although the struggle is real at least the result is fruitful, you are finally breaking free from that toxic cycle and saving your kids from all the negativity that you had to go through in your childhood. So it is time to treat yourself for doing such a good job. Celebrate your success and give yourself a pat on the back for making a positive impact on your kid's life. Newman explains, "When you have a good result in parenting, it’s incremental in rebuilding your self-esteem. It’s important to say to yourself, 'I have tried hard and followed my instincts and emotions and I succeeded.'"
#8 Know What Triggers You
Parents become abusive when they are triggered. So it is important that you keep an eye on your behavior. Know that when you become upset with your child and when you start shouting, what was that thing which triggered you so badly. Keep notes, as they will be helpful for you to deal with yourself in the future. Newman explains, "If you ask yourself, 'Why am I yelling at my child?' or 'Why would I hit them?' you’re going to come up short. And that’s where the change begins."