Are You A Pushover? Here Are The Signs And A Few Tips On How To Stop Being One.

You cannot say NO

Whether a request comes from a relative, a coworker, or a pushy neighbor, you do not have the ability to say no to demands, requests, and orders. And, if you do manage to say no, you end up feeling guilty and change your mind and do as you were requested.

Here's what you can do: The answer is simple. Just say NO, but in order to do this, you need to address your guilt first. Understand that saying no does not make you an unkind person. People who make you feel like this are emotionally manipulating you, and you do not want to encourage that kind of reaction. Any reasonable person would be ok with you saying no.

You find yourself pleasing people

You are the kind of person who needs to have everyone like you. Even if you are not going out of your way to please people, you will be extremely careful to not cross anyone or get on anyone's bad side. You are likely to agree to decisions that you do not think are best in order to avoid argument or risk not being liked.

Here's what you can do: You really need to reflect on your values. What really matters to you? Never be afraid to state your opinion. It really does not matter if other people agree or disagree. A mature person will respect your difference in opinion.

You soften or mellow down your opinions

Everybody has opinions. The difference is that people are different in how strongly they are attached to their opinions and how they express them. However, if someone voices a different opinion and they are very vocal about their opinion, you tend to mellow down your own opinion. When you do express your opinion, it comes off as meek.

Here's what you can do: It is important to remember that the loudest is not always the wisest. Allow yourself to believe in your truths without meeting other people's versions of reality. You will never know if others agree with you if you do not speak up.

You lack clear boundaries

People find it really easy to take advantage of you. They might even expect you to respond to their calls for help at all hours of the day and night. People will just show up without calling first, or colleagues will dump their work on you making you feel responsible for it. People will always expect you to be there for them.

Here's what you can do: It is time to put yourself first. Your basic needs are no longer negotiable. Practice saying things like:

"I won't be able to respond to your texts after 10 PM. Optional: I need to sleep."

"I'm sorry, I cannot attend the party with you this weekend. Optional: I want to catch up on my reading."

"If you don't let me know what time you will be back, I won't be able to make dinner. Feel free to pick some on the way."

You apologize often

As a person who feels responsible for other people's feelings, you carry a huge weight on your back. A pushover will apologize for feeling the way that they are feeling, asking for what is rightfully theirs, thinking what they do, and for disagreeing in order to please others.

Here's what you can do: You need to know that you do not have to be sorry for having your own opinions or stating them out loud. You should never feel sorry for taking care of your own needs first. And, you should not have to apologize for anything. Repeat this to yourself: "I owe no one nothing. I have the right to feel good about myself. I come first. I choose to put my needs first. I choose to myself first."

You feel guilty for others' feelings

Nobody is able to make other people feel the way they feel. The way that you feel should come from a place of authenticity. People choose to respond on their own, not because of something you magically triggered inside of them.

Here's what you can do: You need to be able to differentiate your feelings from others. For example, if you hate being told what to do, you are likely to feel angry. But, did the person telling you what to do sound sad or helpless? If they did, that is how they choose to feel. You did not cause that. Do not mix your true feelings with the feelings of others.

You hate to argue or fight

The idea of a confrontation scares the crap out of you. You think that conflict is just plain wrong.

Here's what you can do: Understand that differences are not personal. If someone is making life difficult for you, then you need to speak up. Your survival instinct is stronger than your fears and insecurities. When you take a stand for yourself, you are letting other people know that you respect yourself enough to not be a doormat.

You find yourself doing things you don't enjoy

Pushovers get overwhelmed with things that they did not sign up for. They will feel unappreciated and resentful.

Here's what you can do: You have to be able to say no in order to protect your time that you have set aside to do things that make you feel good inside and out. Taking "me time" is the best thing you can do in order to keep yourself happy.

You never make noise or complain

You quietly just live with it when things are wrong or seem unfair to you. You rather get things done and over with than focus on how wrong it is. If someone says something offensive, you are likely to pretend that you did not hear it. And, if they say something bad about you, you are likely to give a weak or no reaction at all.

Here's what you can do: It is important to stand up especially against unfair treatment. More people will be encouraged to do the same if you are setting that good example. Standing up for others will also give you the courage to stand up for yourself. Do not let injustices go on around you. Stand up.