Billie Eilish Admits She’s ‘Incredibly Embarrassed & Ashamed Of Her Past’ After Racism Allegations Resurface

The Grammy winner recently opened up about how difficult it is to escape her past, especially considering she's a completely different person than she once was.

During an interview with Vogue Australia, which was published on Friday, July 16, the "Bad Guy" singer reflected on what it's been like to grow up in the public eye and in the age of the internet. 

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"It's really weird how the world can see every aspect of your life and reminisce about [it]," she told the magazine.

"The internet brings up things from everybody's past and I'm like: 'Don't you guys understand that everybody is incredibly embarrassed and ashamed about their past? Like, do you not think about the fact that maybe you're embarrassed of your past, so maybe everybody else is embarrassed, too?'"

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As a Gen Zer, Billie Eilish knows nothing ever really disappears from the internet.

"I said so many things then that I totally don't agree with now, or think the opposite thing," Billie admitted.

"The weirdest thing is how nothing ever goes away once it's on the internet. Every interview I did when I was 15 is still out there, and I think about it constantly."

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According to Billie, there's one past interview that really makes her cringe.

"I did an interview where somebody said: 'What are you doing when you're not making music?' And I said: 'Even when I'm not making music, I'm making music.' And actually, Lil Wayne said that in an interview and I just saw it and said it, too. And it's not even true!"

"When you're a f--king teenager, you don't really know yourself, so you're trying to figure yourself out," she noted.

"That was the hardest thing for me: I didn't actually know how I really felt. So I just came up with this facade that I stuck to."

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The Grammy award winner, who is the magazine’s August cover star, previously apologised after the footage was resurfaced by fans.

The video seemingly showed her singing along to Tyler, the Creator's tune "Fish," which includes an anti-Asian slur. She was also accused of imitating an Asian accent.

Billie addressed the accusation that she was using an Asian accent. As she described, it was her "speaking in a silly gibberish made up voice."

"something I started doing as a kid and have done my whole life when talking to my pets, friends, and family," she explained. "it is absolute gibberish and just me goofing around, and is in NO way an imitation of anyone or any language, accent or culture in the SLIGHTEST."

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The 19-year-old singer said that no one in her family or close circle has ever used that term and it was something she only heard in the song. "regardless of my ignorance and age at the time, nothing excuses the fact is that it was hurtful," she pointed out. "and for that i am sorry." 

"i love you guys, and many of you have been asking me to address this," Billie shared on Instagram Stories at the time. "and this is something that i WANT to address because i'm being labeled something that I am not."

"there's a video edit going around of me when i was 13 or 14 where i mouthed a word from a song that at the time i didn't know was a derogatory term and used against members of the asian community," she continued. "i am appalled and embarrassed and want to barf that i ever mouthed along to that word."

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Billie went on: "regardless of how it was interpreted i did not mean for any of my actions to have caused hurt to others and it absolutely breaks my heart that it is being labeled now in a way that might cause pain to people hearing it," she expressed. "i not only believe in, but have always worked hard to use my platform to fight for inclusion, kindness, tolerance, equity and equality."

Billie concluded her message, "I hear you and I love you." 

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The hitmaker has also recently been accused of "queerbating" with her most recent music video.

The LA native's fans claimed she'd been hinting she's LGBTQ with her Lost Cause music video, in which she dances with a group of girls in a slumber party setting.

Fans also pointed out Billie's recent Instagram post, in which she shared photos from the video and wrote: "I love girls."

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Billie also addressed the difficulties of finding fame at such a young age, and how grateful she is that she had a good team around her after watching Britney Spears’ conservatorship battle. 

She explained: ‘It’s really, really horrible what a lot of young women have gone through – I mean, to this day.

Billie also addressed the difficulties of finding fame at such a young age, and how grateful she is that she had a good team around her after watching Britney Spears’ conservatorship battle. 

She explained: ‘It’s really, really horrible what a lot of young women have gone through – I mean, to this day.

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‘I didn’t have a team that wanted to f**k me over-which is really kind of rare, which [itself] is pretty f**ked up.

‘All I have to be is just grateful that I happened to have a good group of people around me that … didn’t want to just take advantage of me and do what people have done in the past.