Body Positive Tips For Plus Sized Brides!

Let's be realistic

Most wedding dresses aren't made with plus-size girls in mind. Sure, there are a lot more options than there used to be, but the cut, length and embellishments of most modern gowns are designed for slimmer figures. Just because society is stuck on small doesn't mean plus-size brides should have to settle for whatever fits.

Any bride, regardless of size, can find her ideal dress

You do not have to lose weight

Say it with me three times, "I do not have to lose weight for my wedding. I do not have to lose weight for my wedding. I do not have to lose weight for my wedding."

You really, really don't.

There are a gazillion reasons not to lose weight intentionally, but one of the biggies is that it will increase your stress and agitation (and possibly, the cost of dress alterations) leading up to your wedding. You don't have to change yourself to meet some expectation of what a bride should look like. You are going to be the bride, so why not just be you in your current, wonderful body?

Practice Enjoying Being The Center Of Attention

When you first get engaged, things can feel very weird. All of a sudden, random acquaintances are yelling, "Let me see the ring!" and doling out advice about what your wedding colors should be and where you should go on your honeymoon. People who seemingly had little interest in you suddenly want to know details about a wedding that you hadn't even thought about.

So here's what I recommend enjoy it. Let people make a big deal over you. Soak it up. Because when you go with it, it's really quite fun.

Call ahead. Pick up that phone and call stores.

Tell them your size (no shame, no apologies) and ask them if they'll be able to work with you. The economics of wedding dress stores mean that they normally can only afford to carry one sample gown, and they aim for an average size (if their customers run the gamut between a size 2 and a 22, they'll probably carry a 10). So they may not have sample sizes that will fit, and that's normal for all ladies. What you're looking for is someone who's informed, confident, and excited to be working with you. If you don't get that, keep on calling.

Big Box Stores Are Your Friend

Chain wedding dress stores get a bad rap, which they don't always deserve. But (bless them) their business model is based on having All The Dresses in the store. They're great for normalizing your shopping experience: behold, dresses that actually fit! Whee! Whether or not you buy a dress, these stores are a great place to start seeing what looks good on you.

The Sales Persona is your Resource

When you go into a store, part of what you're paying for is your salesperson's expertise. Find someone who's excited to work with you (and hello, excited to get your commission) and put them to work. Ask questions, ask for recommendations, ask for opinions. You know your body; they know wedding dresses. Put that together to find something great.

IT'S YOUR SHOW. The sales person does not get to control your shopping experience. Period.

Don't Worry About the Size

Wedding dress sizes are wacky. More affordable brands will often use street sizes, pricier brands will often us "couture" sizes (code for teeny tiny, built for elves). In short, just ignore the number on the sizing tag. Does it fit? GREAT. Next order of business.

You Can Alter a Dress to Have Sleeves

It can be frustrating to shop in a universe where it seems like everything is a strapless ball-gown, if a strapless ball-gown isn't going to be what flatters your boobs, or arms, or whatever you need flattered. Lots of sleeveless (not strapless) dresses can be altered post-production to add a sleeve. Dresses can be shortened, support can be added. Don't be afraid to ask if changes can be made, and don't be afraid to ask how much it will cost (hint: it should be reasonable).

Go Custom

If nothing works like you want it to work, well, that's why God made a needle and thread. When navigating a world of sample sizes that don't fit and sales people without tact, it can get easy to fall into the trap of, "There is nothing for me. Whatever, this will do." We call bullshit. You can do better. Getting a custom dress made doesn't mean breaking the bank, it just means doing some research.

No Body Shaming Allowed

We've all heard horror stories of sales ladies who ask you if you're going to lose weight for your wedding, or who generally body shame you. Let's reframe: that's not just "how the wedding industry is." Those are shitty sales people. If someone tries to shame you, nicely shut that shit down ("No I'm not, and it's none of your business"). Then feel free to ask for a new salesperson.

Be Your Confident Self

This one is more philosophical, but it might be the most important. The people you encounter while wedding dress shopping? They're working for you. If they're doing a shitty job, that's not on you. Take your dollars elsewhere to find your kick-ass dress. You are going to look beautiful on your wedding day, and your dress is out there waiting for you.

Set boundaries

Getting married is like an adventure in boundary-setting. You may need to set boundaries with friends, relatives, vendors, etc. about your weight, your time, and a gazillion other things.

It's really okay to say to people in your life that they can't talk about your weight. It's really okay to say to your mother-in-law-to-be, for example, that you're not losing weight for the wedding and that you don't want to discuss it with her. It's really okay to tell your bridal gown vendor that you want your gown to be comfortable and that you need her to order a size bigger (if possible) rather than smaller, just in case. It's okay to tell your make-up person, if you have one, that you don't need your double chin contoured (unless you want to). All of it is really okay.

Relinquish control and go with the flow

Or rather, nothing is ever perfect, but it can be great!

Stuff is going to go wrong at your wedding. People who are supposed to be early will be late. The cake might sag. You might pop a button. You might spill wine on your dress. But, you know what will also happen? You're going to have fun. You're going to see a few people you love or many people you love. You're going to marry the person you're really excited to marry. Focus on the good. Focus on enjoying yourself. During the preparation process and at the wedding, focus on fun and you will have fun no matter what.

Have Fun

Not just have fun, go into this with the idea that you can have fun buying a wedding dress. You're buying pretty lace/sparkles/layers of tulle/hot pink/pants/whatever you love and look hot in. And you're buying for your WEDDING. You deserve to have some fun, lady.