“Cushioning” Is The New BS Dating Trend You Need To Worry About.

#1 Dating Trends

If you can’t keep up with the dating trends, you’re not alone. You had me at breeding and lost me at soft nesting, but at least this new one is pretty easy to understand.

#2 So what is cushioning?

Well, according to Urban Dictionary, it’s “a dating technique where, along with your main piece, you also have several ‘cushions,’ other people you’ll chat and flirt with to cushion the potential blow of your main breakup and not leave you alone.” Basically, you keep chatting up other romantic prospects just in case your main relationship doesn’t work out.

#3 Worst Thing About Cushioning

The worst thing about cushioning is that if it is being done to you, chances are you won’t even know it. This is precisely why you need to know about it.

#4 Backup Plan

A cushion then is a backup. Plan B, or C, or D… all those Tinder matches that are just there, waiting for a date to be fixed, while you scope out potential with the one you are actually dating. Or, that friend, or friend of a friend, or flirtatious colleague you keep hanging just in case. Those are all cushions.

#5 What if things don’t go downhill?

If a guy’s dating you but keeping his options open, he could really just be leading you on until he gets what he wants. Cushioning you gives him the chance to set up romantic opportunities with other women and easily leave the relationship with you if it starts to go downhill. Not exactly a vote of confidence, eh?

#6 What if things don’t go downhill?

Then he sticks with you but continues chatting and flirting with these other women because in his mind, he just never knows what may happen. It’s even worse than him just outright breaking up with you. Ugh.

#7 It could explain ghosting.

The cushioning trend could explain ghosting. If a guy’s not 100 percent committed to your relationship, it might make it easier for him to get out of it once he knows he’s got someone else waiting for him. The sick thing is that he has to take the time to build an almost relationship with this other person while he’s supposedly committed to you.

#8 It’s a relationship escape hatch.

Cushioning is a way for guys to ensure they have a quick exit from the relationship by setting up other women to date. This is so lousy not just because it means he’s building connections with other women while dating you but also because if you have relationship problems, he might figure he doesn’t have to try to fix them — he can just find romance elsewhere, which puts a dent in the traditional idea of working on a relationship.

#9 It prevents commitment.

How the hell can he say he loves you and is committed to you if he’s talking to and flirting with other women? It’s such bullsh*t. Worst of all, you might think he’s committed without knowing that he’s up to no good on the side.

#10 Dating apps make cushioning easier.

You might not even realize that your boyfriend is cushioning you because he could be doing it all from his phone. Instead of flirting with other women when he’s out at a restaurant or club with you, he could be doing so in private. For example, maybe he’s chatting to female friends he’s attracted to or using dating apps that give him a chance to flirt with other women on the side without dating them in real life. The methods are different, but the betrayal is the same.

#11 It takes flirting to another level.

This is not just about smiling at a stranger — this is about forming a bond with someone and keeping them in mind as a potential partner, even though you have a partner already. It’s definitely not harmless! Why would anyone feel the need to keep their options open when they’re in a relationship? It’s so screwed up.

#12 It’s a form of micro-cheating.

People who cushion their partners might think that it’s not as bad as sleeping with someone or having an office romance with a colleague, but it’s definitely a form of cheating on a smaller scale. It’s the intention behind the flirting that’s the problem: it’s a way for people to keep their romantic options open, which should be off the table when one’s in a relationship.

#13 Cushioning is cowardly.

Just like ghosting, cushioning is a cowardly way of dealing with relationships. Instead of either deciding to be in a relationship with someone or not at all, the person has one foot out the door, waiting for something else to come along. It’s another dating trend that gives people the chance to hurt others and be selfish. We don’t need more of that.

#14 Cushioning boosts relationship anxiety.

Many people already have trust issues, so trends like cushioning feel like they could worsen them. The same goes for feelings of anxiety and vulnerability. Wondering and worrying if your partner could be doing this shady behavior behind your back that isn’t blatant cheating is exhausting. In fact, it’s enough to make you want to swear off dating for good!

#15 Millennial dating garbage.

Maybe it's just that I'm old and out of touch, but it's getting pretty hard to keep up with all this millennial dating garbage.From ghosting to bread-crumbing to breezing to haunting– it’s as if people forget how to just be in a normal, mostly unfulfilling relationship anymore. News-flash single people: The more games you continue to play, the more you're going to complicate things for yourself, and complication is what makes dating suck.

#16 Now, people are calling this new dating game cushioning.

In reality, it’s basically a new-generational way to say – I’m cheating on you.

#17 "This would be what emotionally insecure people do and it's not really a new phenomenon."

If you’re busy “cushioning,” you’re not really invested in your relationship 100% and, that’s likely what is going to cause your relationship to end before anything else. The only way to make your relationship work, I mean really work, is by giving your all.

#18 Dr. Jennifer Rhodes, licensed psychologist, relationship expert, Rapport Relationships, tells Bustle.

"Quite frankly, it makes me sad that people have such trouble with emotional intimacy and talking about feeling scared with the person you are dating. You can't really fall in love unless you are ready to get hurt. Cushioning is for people who are not ready for real love."

#19 Cushioning is for people who are not ready for real love.

Sometimes in life, you have to stop fearing what can go wrong and start to embrace what can go right – and, it won’t happen if you’re busy texting 4 different people while you’re laying in bed next to your partner.

#20 The real way to break this trend is to stop being so afraid of getting hurt.

Our generation is so afraid of things going wrong that we focus too much on how to soften the blow, but half the time we’re setting ourselves up for failure just by doing that. What we should be focusing on is keeping things from going wrong in the first place.

#21 Instead of worrying about how we’ll feel when it’s over, why don’t we work on keeping ourselves happy in the moment?

That means paying attention to your partner’s emotions just as much as your own, keeping open communication and practicing trust.

#22 Because in the end, cushioning is just selfish

you don’t care about what you’re doing to your SO, only about what you’re doing for yourself.

#23 Here’s to hoping to cushion will stop being a “trend,” because we deserve better.