Eleven Outdated Tips Women Were Actually Given To Help ‘Keep Her Man Happy’
By
Editorial Staff in
Life Style
On 22nd January 2017
Take a look at the magazines lining the checkout aisles of grocery stores and you're bound to find the secrets to a happy, healthy relationship — or so they say. This has been going on for years, and while it might seem ridiculous today, it pales in comparison to the "tips" and "tricks" women were given decades ago.
Spoiler alert: It was ridiculously sexist and absurd.
And it wasn’t just the magazines aimed at women that published rules women should follow to keep their man happy: Reverends and physicians were more than happy to offer their own tips for a “successful” relationship.
Let's take a look at eleven of these gems, shall we?
#1 Be Smart, But Not Too Smart
“College males tell us that they want a girl for a wife who is intelligent, but makes them feel they are still more intelligent!” — Dr. Clifford R. Adams
Maybe she wants a guy for a husband who is secure, but makes them feel they are still more secure?
Makes just about as much sense.
#2 Plan Your Day Around Him
“Change around your schedule so that you will always be there when your husband needs you, accept his emotional distortion, and to build up his self-esteem.” — Dr. Clifford R. Adams
But doesn’t her schedule already revolve around him? After all, morale is her business.
#3 Learn Plenty of Recipes
“When she does cook, she should cook, and not be, as somebody said, a mere can opener.” — Dr. William Josephus Robinson
I think that “somebody” would be making his own meals from that point on (hope he can use a can opener).
#4 Don't Talk To Wait Staff
“The man always does the ordering. Never ask the waiter yourself for anything.” — Woman’s Own
That will be no problem when you’ve been stuffing down your own wants and needs for years.
Plus, ordering will be good for his morale!
#5 Keep Yourself Meticulously Tidy
“The wife, whether the bride of a day or the bride of 30 years, should be clean. Literally from the crown of her head to her very toes, she should be clean, so clean as to be able to stand inspection even in complete nudity.” — Dr. William Josephus Robinson
(Preparing for sexy time…)
“Hold on, woman. Let me get out the white gloves and just run a real quick inspection.”
#6 Ensure His Morale Comes First
“Remember, your most important job is to build up and maintain his ego (which gets bruised plenty in business). Morale is a woman’s business.” — Edward Podolsky
Build it up.
Maintain it.
Is this an ego or a garden?
#7 Don't Bother Him With Your Chores
“Men like a clean house, but fussing about all the time, upsetting the house in order to keep it clean, will drive a man from the house elsewhere.” — Dr. William Josephus Robinson
Again you drive him away from the hell you have created in an attempt to vacuum up some peanut shells!
DEVIL WOMAN!
#8 Never Delay Dinner
“A social service meeting, an afternoon tea, a matinee, a whatnot, is no excuse for there being no dinner ready when a husband comes home from a hard day’s work.” — Reverend Alfred Henry Tyrer
The only good thing about this statement is that he used the word “whatnot” as a noun, which should totally be a thing again.
#9 Don't Be Overzealous In the Bedroom
“Just as the vampire sucks the blood of its victims in their sleep while they are alive, so does the woman vampire suck the life and exhaust the vitality of her male partner — or ‘victim.’” — Dr. William Josephus Robinson
Compare her to the undead.
That’s a super big turn-on.
#10 Don't Tell Him If You're Not In the Mood
“To the man it makes no difference in the pleasurableness of the act whether you are frigid or not unless he knows that you are frigid. And he won’t know unless you tell him, and what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” — Dr. William Josephus Robinson
I would take advice from Dr. Seuss before Dr. William Josephus Robinson.
“I would not do him in the hay, if I wasn’t in the mood that day…”
#11 Keep Nagging To a Minimum
“I verily believe that the happiness of homes is destroyed more frequently by the habit of nagging than by any other one… If he needs peace to make life bearable, he will have to look for it elsewhere than in his own house. And it is quite likely that he will look.” — Reverend Alfred Henry Tyrer
He “will have to.”
He has no choice, and naturally it’s all your fault.
#12 Pretty much.
How would you have fared back in the day?
