Ex-burglars Reveal The Worst Place To Hide Your Stuff

By Annie N. in Social Issues On 27th November 2021
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It all started with this Reddit thread when this user called on ex-burglars to respond.

"Former burglars of Reddit, where is one place people should never hide valuables?"

Filled with advice from Ex-burglars on the best way to safeguard your things, the thread gained popularity. People who were robbed or had experience with robberies also chimed in and shared their 2 cents. 

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Time is of the essence according to this burglar.

"I'm going to look under your bed, I'm going to dump out any drawer I find. I'm checking your freezer. I'm looking under the bathroom cabinet."

"Think that incredibly smart hiding spot you saw in a spy movie will work? We watch spy movies too. It's really going to be a matter of security versus convenience for you. If it takes me more than a minute to get to something (and don't forget I'm more than willing to break s**t to get to stuff) then it's not worth my trouble. I want to be out of your house in less than 15 minutes tops."

 

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This guy just wanted to play an elaborate prank on would-be burglars

"I'm going to keep a small safe in the living room with a giant foam middle finger inside for when the day comes."

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Keep proof of purchase hidden

"Don't leave things out that people can see from outside your home or car. If you buy a new TV or computer break down the box it came in. Don't just leave it by your garbage bin."

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Dad had the theory down but not the execution

"Not a former burglar, but my house was robbed before which made my dad want to hide his work laptop the next time we went out. Little did anyone else know, he decided to hide it in the oven. We only realized this after my mom finished cooking dinner and smelled something strange."

"He should have learned his lesson then, but maybe 2 months later he decided to hide a laptop in the microwave, because you can’t miss the laptop when it is the only thing in the microwave, right? Later that day my sister needed to use a minute timer to get something so she just hit the 1 minute button on the microwave without checking. Trying to hide laptops costed my dad 2 of them so maybe don’t hide them there."

 

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Don't make it easy for them to know you're gone

"Don't put pics on Facebook /social media of you and your family going on a week long trip from the airport."

 

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Make it seem you're always home.

"LED lighting is cheap these days. If your house is gonna be vacant for a while, consider investing in one of those smart-lighting systems where you can set different rooms to turn on and off at different points in the day. (Kitchen during dinnertime, bedrooms at night, etc.)"

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A lock is a target on your stuff

"Oh, and thanks for locking drawers. That way I know exactly where the valuables are. I can open that cheap wood drawer as quickly with a crowbar as pulling it open."

 

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What's convenient for you is convenient for them.

"DON'T USE KEY RACKS OR BOWLS NEXT TO THE DOOR! The amount of stolen cars where the burglar takes one step into the house, picks up the keys to the family car and leaves immediately is just sad."

 

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Next time you're about to boast, don't.

"On your social media page.

No really.

Dont post photos of expensive stuff you just bought on Facebook. You might think it's cool to show it off, but to a would be theif, it just becomes a shopping list."

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The college black market is a serious thing

"For the college kids that might read this, don't keep your textbooks in your car. On the day of my finals I had about six textbooks I was gonna sell in my car. Came back to find someone broke my window and stole the textbooks. Cop told me that it's very common and unlikely they will catch the guy, so I was out ~$700, which was huge as a college student."

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Unlikely places might be the smartest spots

"Pro tip: Hide your small valuables inside a used/empty fire extinguisher, no one is going to steal a fire extinguisher..."

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If they think they're being recorded, they wont risk it.

"I read somewhere that if a thief sees a home security alarm sign 90% of them walk away. A friend of mine bought a ADT security sign off Ebay for this very reason."

 

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A safe can always be broken into if you have the time and tools

"Fire safes only are safe from fires."

 

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Vigilance is 80% of keeping you safe

"You’d be surprised at how often people leave their cars unlocked with nice things inside. A lot of people actually leave them unlocked with the keys inside. It’s how the majority of cars are stolen."

 

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Keep track of keys and don't leave them in places where someone can grab them.

"Don’t keep your spare key outside near the front door — under a pot plant, under doormat, top of door frame etc."

 

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A risky move but it worked for them.

"This doesn't exactly answer the question asked, but it is a tip on potentially protecting your valuables. Bear with me because it's a bit strange: Glue a spare key (not one that opens something important) under your door mat. Weird right?

A few years ago I did this in addition to installing cameras. Over the last couple of years I've seen this exact scenario play out: thief walks to the door, checks under the mat, unsuccessfully tries to grab the key, backs up, looks around to see if anyone is watching (presumably because they think they have fallen for some trap/prank where they are being surveilled), and LEAVES. They don't even search for another way in because it spooks them."

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You can be too good at hiding too

"My husband is so good at hiding things from burglars that there are a number of valuable items that we have never found again. So hiding things is fine, but remembering where you hid them is just as important."

 

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Be so messy, they just don't enter

"This will get burried, but here we go.

Not a burglar but some broke into my family's house 4 or 5 years ago when we were out on a concert. They checked everything - took all money and jewelry they could find.

Except! My room was a mess to begin with. I left piles of clothes on the floor, my study desk messy af, left piles of papers on both desk and floor (i was in a hurry before we all left and was searching for something I can quite remember now.

Now. I had 800€ and golden earrings on my desk, just sitting there.

The burglars opened the doors... and didn't move a thing. Left my 800€ and golden earrings alone and moved to another room.

From then on I have been using this as an excuse why I don't need to clean up my room"

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One is a seeker and one is a hider

"Former crime reporter here. Tampon box and kitty litter are good. I've also seen false outlets that are safe as a safe.

I don't think burglars are the best folks to ask. Check with drug dealers, they're the best at hiding stuff."

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Verify who you let into your house

"Also side note, I use to do door to door sales for ADT... people would let me in the house and just tell me where all the important stuff was before even verifying I was legit..... don’t do that."

 

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Yet another win for the slobs

"Had my house burglarized by a so-called friend. He missed by far the most valuable thing. it’s just a safe sitting on the laundry room floor. He missed it because I’m a scumbag and had it covered with a mountain of dirty clothes and towels. So not being tidy saved me upwards of $35K."

 

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Your shed will give them the tools to break into your house.

"Your shed. Seriously. LOCK YOUR SHED. Even if your house is well-locked, if your shed isn't, I likely have access to a plethora of tools I can use to gain access."

 

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Or learn from this person's aunt

"Fun fact - aunt died, and had valuables hidden throughout the house. She was a cranky old cur, the one who had a ton of dough, no offspring, didn't donate, and thought she could take it with her. Well, hell. When she died, I helped out my elderly parents clean out her place."

"Instead of just being able to throw away the junk and pile up the clothes and other items to donation centers, we had to rifle through every pocket, every damn planter, pot and pan, etc. It was sort of fun, but took a hell of a long time."

"From what I recall, there was a few hundred bucks inside a few planters, 4.5k in the bottom part of an unused planter, under some little foam brick you stick fake flowers into, that was tucked way in the back of a cabinet, jewelry stashed in the arm of a leather couch, more money in some sewing drawer, a few hundred bucks in several jackets, etc. I took forever to go through every goddamn pocket, sock, drawer, container of nails and buttons, etc. Gotta admit, sorta fun as well. She never told any of us that she had money hidden. My mother just had a hunch."

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One day of laziness could lead to loss

"As a troubled teen, I robbed schools. I can say this: lock your damn windows. 99% of the time we got in with unlocked windows."

 

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Create distractions

"My cousin lives in a bad neighbourhood, so she went to a thrift store, bought an obvious-looking jewellery box and a bunch of expensive-looking costume jewellery that’s actually worthless and put it in the box. She keeps this in a conspicuous place. Then she leaves a few 20s on top. This way if someone breaks in, they will grab this and run, ignoring some of her well-hidden valuables."

 

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