Father Forcing Surrogate Mother To Get Involved In The Kid's Life After The Child’s Mom Dies

Posted by Sumaiya Ghani in Parenting On 12th February 2021

One woman asked on Reddit; “AITA for not wanting to be in a child’s life that I gave birth to?” The woman then told she agreed to be her best friend's surrogate but signed the contract of not being financially responsible for the kid. Now six years later, her best friend died and her husband is forcing her to take responsibility for the child. “Her husband has been calling me recently that I should step up as the kid’s mother because I did give birth to her.”


One confused woman came to Reddit to ask people is it okay to not take responsibility for the kid she gave birth to

One user on Reddit named BirthParent_Pro asked a very difficult question to the fellow users.

The woman got into a weird situation after her dear best friend passed away and came to Reddit for sincere advice.

The Original Poster (OP) asked people on the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for their read of the situation.

Her post started as follows:

“AITA for not wanting to be in a child’s life that I gave birth to?” 


Burak Karademir/Getty Images

She then told the folks some background story to make them understand the situation

The woman actually was her best friend's surrogate, she only agreed to give birth to her friend's baby because she loved her. 

“Background- My best friends couldn’t have children, the risk of her death was too high and she already was having fertility problems.” 

“So long story short I agreed to be her family surrogate mostly due to the fact that she was my best friend.”

“I can not stand her husband tho, the only reason I did this was for her. So I became pregnant with their child and everything went smoothly.”

“There was a contract in place that I wouldn’t be financially responsible for the kid and so on. It was a pretty standard contract.”


But unfortunately, her friend passed away leaving her six-year-old daughter behind

“Well, that was six years ago and my best friend died. Due to the 2020 plague, I wasn’t able to attend her funeral.”

“Her husband has been calling me recently that I should step up as the kid’s mother because I did give birth to her.”

“He keeps calling that I need to be in his daughter’s life, after declining multiple times I finally told him that, that kid isn’t mine even tho I gave birth to her. That I have no obligation to do jack sh*t and that I’m not going to replace my best friend as her mother.”

Picture for representation purpose only/ Unsplash

The woman desperately asked for people's advice

“He called me an a**hole and going to get his lawyer involved.”

“So AITA?”

If You are a Redditor you might know:

NTA – Not The A**hole

YTA – You’re The A**hole

ESH – Everyone Sucks Her

NAH – No A**holes Here



Most of the people said the OP doesn't have to feel guilty, she is not at fault

One person, OliveAndPeaz, wrote;

"First of all, I am sorry for your loss. Losing your friend, especially with everything else that is going on, is very difficult.”

“Secondly, NTA. You did something amazingly kind for your friend and her husband and made it very well known that you did not want to be responsible for the kid, going so far as to draw up a contract.”

“It is not your fault that he has not figured out how to parent by himself. Don’t let him bully you into doing something that you don’t want to.” 

Picture for representation purpose only/ Unsplash

Redditors pointed out the father just wants to run away from the responsibility

“NTA- that baby had a mother, and she passed away.” ~the-Lady-Lazarus

“Sounds like he was not involved in parenting and continuing to avoid it after his wife’s death.” 

“NTA although I’m nervous for the child.” ~Educational-Mine-827

“NTA. You made your position and thoughts crystal clear when becoming a surrogate.”

“You didn’t want the child, and you don’t want to be in the child’s life now. It’s not something that was suddenly sprung on the father out of nowhere.” 

“It would be much better for the child to have only one parent that loves them, than having one parent that loves them and one that resents them, too.” ~OrangeKotoni


Some people told OP the father will not be able to involve her in his daughter’s life

“You’re NTA. Let him get his lawyer. He doesn’t have a legal leg to stand on.”

“I am really sorry you’re going through this. Keep records of your conversations in case you need to get a no contact order.” ~ferocious_llama

“NTA, he’s just freaked out about not having a mother around. Ya’ll had an agreement, a contract.”

“You helped your friend (RIP) and their SO. In no way are you obligated to do anymore than you agreed to.” ~ScreaminKetchup

“Most def NTA. This guy sounds like he’s wanting someone to do all the work for him and he’s obv not the best guy based on your judgement of him.”

“He can get all the lawyers involved that he wants, a contract is binding. He needs to be the one to ‘step up”‘. NTA” ~Batmanclan4269

Picture for representation purpose only/ Unsplash

Many people were actually concerned about the child

“NTA at all but I feel like it needs to be said, is the child safe? Their mother just died and their father is trying to basically pawn of their child on you.”

“Is there anyone within your best friends family that you can call to alert them that something is wrong?”

“Obviously you’re under no obligation to be a parental figure to the child, but it is still your best friend’s child and they sound like they are incredibly at risk for being abused and neglected by their father.”

“If I were you I’d maybe be calling your best friends parents and seeing if they can arrange to care for the child for a time while he figures sh*t out.” ~femmebot9000

To sum it up, the Redditors have clearly said OP is not at fault and we agree. We hope the child stays safe.