Female Friendships: How They Work

#1 The idea that two or more people can be “Best Friends Forever” may be one of the most damaging myths our society embraces.

Every woman has either a BFF that she has been friends with since childhood/high school/college or a tight-knit group of quirky, well-dressed besties, and these kinds of friendships last forever.

In truth, buying into the idea that you and your friend(s) will grow and change in ways that are always complementary and that will never lead you in different directions is unrealistic and may actually cost you your friendship in the end. In reality, friends come and go over the course of our lives and we are likely to have several people at different stages who feel like a best friend. Treasure each friendship for what it is, right now, rather than assuming it will always be there.

#2

But how often do we stop to think about the validity of that portrayal of what female friendships looks like? Unfortunately, most of us don't. We simply accept that this is what it is "supposed" to be like and that since our lives don't look like this, there is something essentially wrong with us.

In truth, this perfect picture of how female friendship is supposed to work is really just an interpretation or representation of some of today's most pervasive myths about female friendship. Buying into these myths and adopting this representation of friendship as the holy grail of how things are supposed to be is dangerous, for us and for our daughters. It creates an unrealistic and overly romanticized idea of what it means to have a friend and to be a friend. It sets yet another unachievable standard that most of us will never be able to live up to, and in truth, probably don't actually want. And most importantly, believing these myths about friendship sets us up to miss out on the actual friendships that are available to us, simply because they don't live up to the myth.

#3 Friendships change as we grow up, and we begin to accept our old friends for who they are

The people who you thought would be there for you when it counted are not always going to be there. Sometimes because they quite literally cannot be there, other times because they just don't want to (anymore).

The same will go for you you're not always going to (want to) be there for people who need you too.

#4 There will be times when you and your friends become distant, but you shouldn't completely shut the door on people you were once close with

No friendship is perfect. There are times you are always on the same wavelength, and there are times when you don't seem to get each other at all.

But no matter how distant you become, I've learned to not shut anyone out completely. I'm not saying this is the case for every friendship you once had - but for the friends that you had countless late night heart to hearts with. There were times in college I would get too busy to call back my friends from home, but they ended up being the ones who were there for me when I moved to a new city and had no one else to talk to.

You never know when you may need them again.

#5 Friendship needs to be a two way street

Relationships only work if both people are invested and the conversation is equal. No one wants to be friends with someone who literally only talks about themselves and doesn't think to ask about the other person.

If you get together with your friend and she only asks you one question about yourself before talking about her life the rest of the time, you should have a serious conversation with this friend. Maybe it just needs to be brought to her attention and she'll apologize and make more of an effort to make the conversation equal - or maybe she'll flip out, which if that's the case, you should just think about dumping your friendship altogether.

#6

You will grow apart from a handful of friends because it's not that people change per se, but their interests and lives change. (But yes, they change too and so do you.)

Some of your friends will get married and have babies before you've even figured out how to have a "normal" relationship. It's up to you and them whether this will be a barrier to your friendship.

That said if you're single, you'll likely spend more time with your single friends. If you're in a relationship, you'll likely spend more time with friends who are in relationships too. It's not necessarily intentional; it's just the law of social networks.

#7 Re-evaluate your friendship with the girl who's always ditching you for her boyfriend

Much like the friend who always talks about herself, there's also the friend who ditches you for her boyfriend. Constantly. You make plans to go out on Friday night, but as soon as Friday rolls around she cancels because her boyfriend's fish just died and she needs to be there for him. Lame.

#8 You’re often more proud of her achievements than you are of your own.

Some of your friends will be more successful than you. And you will be more successful than some of your friends. And this will change over time depending on everyone's life situation, path, and sheer dumb luck.

#9 Getting ready together before a night out is the best part.

#10 Sometimes you don’t even need to communicate using words – a look is enough.

#11 Because you know that as long as you have each other, nothing else really matters

#12 When you’re having a crisis and she’s not there, you legit go a bit insane.

#13 If you’ve been friends for a while, you’ll begin to subconsciously copy each other’s style.