First Time Pregnant Mom With 12 Hours Job Slams Family After Being Told She Is 'Neglecting Wife Duties,' Asks If She’s Wrong

Posted by Sama in Parenting On 6th August 2021
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The toughest thing in this world for a woman is to weed out misogynists and patriarchic thoughts from a grown-up man's mind. This woman shared that she married a man who was a great partner throughout their dating time but soon after their marriage and during her first pregnancy, the man has started to show signs of his misogynist mindset, and being a momma's boy, he wants his wife to take care of all his needs and fulfill all her 'wife duties.' Go through the thread and read the befitting response the internet has for the husband.

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We as a society have advanced a lot but one thing on which a major part of this society refuses to budge is is changing its views on gender roles. It is the 21st century and the world has progressed in every sector but when it comes to husband-wife relations, many people still have the view that it is women's responsibility to make a home. 

One example is here of this woman who took to Reddit to share that she is 30 years old and is expecting her first child however, the gender roles in her family are starting to make life tough for her.

 

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OP shares that she got married a year back, her husband apparently grew up as 'momma's boy' and never learned to do basic things and does not even know how to cook.

OP shares that she did her best in changing him but the misogyny is sneaking back in their relationship. 

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OP also works 12-hour shifts at a warehouse, while her husband works from home:

Now, my MIL and my mom call me a bad wife for not caring for my husband properly. They claim its my job to do the cooking and cleaning. My mom justifies my MIL intervening in our household matters. She says I’m not a proper housewife.

My husband complained to my mom today that I’m too lazy. That I haven’t cooked a proper meal in a week and I only cook easy quick meals. I’m working a 12 hour job while pregnant and he’s working from home. My job is also a 2hour drive from the house. I’m away 14 hours a day overworking myself while he does nothing to help around the house and the few times he does help he rubs it on my face while calling me lazy and complaining to my mom and his mom.

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The situation only got worse when OP's MIL called her at work to tell her that her son is losing weight ever since they got married and she’d “never let him marry me if she knew how sh—tty I am as a wife.”

This is not the end, as after the call ended, her own mom called her to scold her. OP shares that she is frustrated and stuck on how to deal with this situation. 

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I was having a chat with my friend from work about that and she told me I’m TA because that’s what I signed up for when I married my husband and I should take responsibility when I’m not doing my wife duties the right way. She said I let online feminists get in my mind and I forgot what a proper wife is like and I’m being an ass by trying to rebel against my husband while also offending my MIL and mom. So AITA?

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OP took to the internet to ask for help and also gave a befitting response to the people who told her that she should have known this would happen when she was getting married to this man:

First of all I really don’t appreciate the victim blaming in some comments, people blaming me for getting in an abusive relationship and having a baby. You know it’s not always that simple and easy. My husband worked on himself for the better when we started dating years ago. While we were dating and while we were engaged and lived together he was always helping out.

He grew up with the mommas boy mindset but once we became more committed he started changing his mindset and behavior about gender roles and treated me as equal. Even when his mom tried to intervene certain times he’d put her in her place and defend me. His behavior started shifting back to the gender roles mindset slowly after we got married.

At first it was more subtle but the signs were there though not as obvious. As time passed I also found out I’m pregnant and it was getting worse and worse. The cherry on top was now that he has been also complaining to my mom about how lazy I am. For many years we were equal and he never displayed that misogynistic mindset since he bettered himself. It only happened after the marriage.

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OP says that her sister who lives in another country is the only one who is supporting her:

Secondly, I talked to my sister about it. My twin sister lives in an entirely different continent and had no idea of these things. She was furious when I told her and called our mom to defend me. Then my mom called and said I'm trying to cause a rift between her and my sister because I refuse to take responsibility and accept I screw up as a wife. She said that if I keep screwing up she won't support me and I'll end up alone so I better watch my steps. I don't know how to feel about this and how to react, what I should do. I'm completely alone. The only person who could possibly support me is across the globe.

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In another update, OP also cleared up to those people who were asking if she was non-western: 

Edit 2 : To everyone asking where I'm from, if I'm non western. I'm a white American from Illinois. My MIL is a lawyer and my mom is a school teacher.

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Internet supported OP and told her that she is not in the wrong here and pointed out to OP that she married a man child and the quicker she draws boundaries the better it will be for her if she wants to save this relationship. 

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