Husband Asks If He Is A Jerk For Cancelling Trip As His Pregnant Wife Asked Him To Not Drink Any Alcohol

By Zainab Pervez in Relationships On 15th December 2022
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Pregnancy is a labor of love that comes with its own set of restrictions. A woman willingly sacrifices the things she loves for the well-being of her unborn child and maybe it's not wrong of her to expect some moral support from her partner. But some people aren't even willing to give up on something that's already harmful to health like alcohol just to support their partner while she's already sacrificing her body.

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One such story, told in this post in the AITA Reddit community, has collected about 6.5K upvotes and more than 3K comments in just a few days.

OP started with a summary of the whole post for those who'll find it too long to read and asked directly if he's a jerk for canceling the trip just because his pregnant wife has decided he can't drink on the trip either?

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Then he shared some more info for those interested in reading the details.

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He started by giving a bit of a background that both he and his wife are avid smokers and his wife used to smoke more often because she could perform in her grocery store job while she's high whereas he would struggle in his demanding job. And they would rarely drink.

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But when she got pregnant she had to give up on that which would be hard for her so he gave it up to support her. But she also expected him to give up on drinking completely. Obviously it would take a toll on someone who relieves his stress by some recreational smoking and drinking. 

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And he believes his job is more stressful but it pays more and helps in paying 90% of their bills. Still he managed to save enough to travel abroad for a holiday and recharge after some years.

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But he feels if he can't drink on the holiday, he won't be able to enjoy to his fullest and it won't help him to relax the way he intended.

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But his wife is adamant that if she can't drink neither can he, so now he has decided to cancel the trip and do something cheaper as he feels all his money will go to waste. 

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Now he's asking the Reddit users if he's the jerk in this situation.

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Users had mixed opinions as it is kind of a confusing situation. Though people agreed that it's ok to enjoy smoking and drinking occasionally, but his dependence on substances for enjoyment is a cause for concern.

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One user was supportive and found it weird of him to let someone else dictate his life choices.

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Another said he is the jerk for cancelling cuz if he really drinks rarely then he shouldn't be throwing a tantrum on not getting to drink. It would only bother an alcoholic this much. But he defended himself by saying that having a drink and enjoying shouldn't be hurting anybody.  

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One user found his wife's demand weird but also his need to have alcohol to enjoy. And advised him to take the nice vacation now cuz it won't be as relaxing once the baby comes. But he was still adamant that he won't be able to enjoy to his fullest without a drink, while paying all that money.

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One user asked if this rule was discussed before pregnancy? And that he shouldn't be pissed off at sacrificing his drinks while his wife is sacrificing her whole body. But he replied that they had agreed on not smoking and getting wasted but not on having a couple of beers with dinner. 

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One user who's a recovering alcoholic was completely supportive of the OP and said it's completely unreasonable of his wife to demand this. It shows more about her relationship with alcohol cuz a normal person can enjoy an occasional drink reasonably and it's sober person's responsibility to deal with it.

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A pregnant user found it selfish and entitled to punish her husband with such demand just because she can't do it.

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But another user thought that it's an overreaction to throw a trip away just because he can't drink. He should learn to relax without substance as he won't be able to take a trip like that for sometime again.

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Another user had a similar opinion.

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One user pointed out his mindset about the finances and that it shouldn't be a competition and won't help his relationship in the long run. Most users found the "need" to have a drink to enjoy problematic and something to think about, but at the same time his wife's demand also seems a bit much.

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At the end of the day you know your relationship better and you have to take the decisions to make it work. Strangers on the internet can only advice from their perspectives which may or may not be as helpful.