The Human Centipede is the kind of horror movie that no one asked for but everyone fears someone is actually crazy enough to do.
If you're lucky enough to not have seen this totally twisted movie I'll give you a rundown. A psychotic German scientist kidnaps 3 tourists and holds them against their will. Then the doctor sews them together, ass to mouth, to form one single digestive tract. Yeah, it's pretty messed up, but is it actually possible?
The people who come up with horror movies tend to make up some truly terrifying shit.
From necrophilia and torture to cannibalism and forced incest, we see a ton of depravity on-screen that we can only hope to never see in the real world.
The shit (pun intended) that occurs in The Human Centipede is some of the worst to be thought up in recent memory. It's not likely that it's extreme factor will be topped anytime soon. It's a movie that was so over the top that it spawned 2 sequels that upped the ante each time.
As you know by now the premise of the movie is that a crazy doctor sews people together mouth to anus. This means that when the person at the front of the line takes a dump it goes straight into the mouth of the person sewn to his asshole. They will then swallow the poop and it will be passed along to be pooped out again for the poor sap at the back of the line.
Here’s a neat diagram for your viewing pleasure:
The question that keeps coming up in debates about these movies is, can this really be done? If you were sewn mouth to ass, could you actually survive?
We now know the answer since a couple of doctors have decided to tackle the subject.
Dr. Louise Owen, the first doctor to be questioned, points out the choking danger that is very real:
“Assuming it’s an airtight seal, her natural instinct would be to swallow whatever’s in her mouth, but if someone were to shit into your mouth, it is likely that you would vomit it back up. That vomit would have nowhere to go and it is probable that some of it would be aspirated. In this case, you could immediately choke or die quite quickly of pneumonia. Also, I’m assuming they manage to breathe through their nose. When you cry that blocks your nose so you can’t breathe. If you had an anus sewn to your mouth, you would probably be crying. As anyone who has vomited knows, it is a violent process and likely to dislodge the staples. In addition, as there is not a place for vomit to go for two of the victims (B and C), they would likely inhale vomit. This would cause chemical injury to the lungs from stomach acid, difficulty breathing, and pneumonia.”
If you somehow manage to swallow the shit without puking or crying, there are still a ton of way the procedure could fuck up. According to Dr. Philip Coakley you'd probably end up dying from a shit-ton (again pun intended) of complications:
“There were a lot of things those people could have died from, even just tied up on the floor like that, let alone the initial wounds: hypothermia, dehydration, possible infection of wounds, some of those people may have had blood poisoning. Septicemia can kill you very quickly.”
Dr. Coakley also noted a few medical inaccuracies with the films, apparently, IV laxatives don't actually exist.:
“They’re all oral. They usually work through osmosis, I’m not aware of any intravenous laxative. OK, they’re all shitting now. No, I don’t think that’s accurate.”
Well, that's a relief...
You also probably would not die immediately, if at all from lack of nutrition:
“Yeah, the guy at the front eats, the passage of that would be normal that would come out as normal faeces. So the next person would ingest faeces and then it would probably come out as just more faeces. That said there’s not a lot of goodness left, that’s why we poo it out. There’s not zero nutrition in there, a lot of animals feed off faeces. That would be an interesting experiment actually, feed a human nothing but human excrement and see how long they can survive.”
Good job Doc, that's totally a great idea. (Eye-roll) Why don't you go ahead and try to round up a few willing volunteers? Yeah, that's what I thought.
Anyway, The Human Centipede is possible medically, as long as there are dedicated medical professionals around to keep you healthy. Yes, there are risks just like with any surgery, but if you somehow didn't vomit, have a crying fit, or get an infection you would survive the process.
The real question is, WHO THE FUCK WOULD WANT TO?
Let us know what you think in the comments!
I am betting that you wouldn't but who knows, you might be a crazy fuck.
