Man Refuses To Share Bed With Girlfriend Till She Gets Her Anxiety Under Control

Posted by Sama in Relationships On 25th March 2021
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Psychological disorders like anxiety and depression can have an exhausting impact on close relationships. This man took to Reddit to ask people if he is being mean if he is pushing his girlfriend to make her seek help for a traumatizing past incident that is now impacting not only their relationship but also making him lose sleep at night and draining his energy.

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Every person comes with baggage and depending on the situation the emotional baggage of a person can have a strain on close relationships too. 

Redditor Nosleep247_ shared that his girlfriend's anxiety is causing him to lose sleep and he has decided to sleep on the couch till she gets her condition under control. 

However, his girlfriend is not very happy with his actions and so he took to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to ask a question.

AITA for refusing to sleep in same bed as girlfriend until she tries to get anxiety under control? from r/AmItheAsshole

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He asked:

“AITA for refusing to sleep in same bed as girlfriend until she tries to get anxiety under control?”

This was OP’s situation:

“I’ve been with my girlfriend ‘Mia’ for a couple years. We barely moved in not too long ago and this particular incident happened a few months back.”

“Quick backstory: Mia had a boyfriend for years before she met me. He passed away and it was very traumatic for her. He had epilepsy and had a seizure in the middle of the night once when they were asleep.”

“Mia didn’t know until she woke up that morning and found him unresponsive. Few years later she met me and we started going out.”    

“I was aware of what happened after we started dating and I always tried to be understanding about that. So back to this incident, Mia woke me up once in the middle of the night in a full blown panic.”

“I’m talking screaming my name and shaking me hard.”

“She told me she thought I wasn’t breathing and freaked out even more when I wouldn’t wake up. I consoled her for the rest of the night because she was terrified and crying nonstop.”

“I tried talking to her about seeing someone because his death was obviously traumatic for her and I was surprised to find out she never did counseling. She said she only did a few sessions but didn’t like the guy and also didn’t wanna talk abt her ex that way.”

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“But this keeps happening. Not as bad as the first night but Mia just constantly wakes me up because she gets scared I’m not breathing.”

“I did see my doctor incase there was actually something wrong with me and we did a sleep study. Everything came back clear. But still she panics if she thinks somethings wrong and wakes me up.”

“Have tried to be supportive because I know she doesn’t mean to be this way but even after I keep telling her we should look into finding her help, she doesn’t want to.”

“For me sleeping is important. I wake up super early and already have trouble falling asleep as it is. If I wake up, it takes time til I can fall asleep again.”

“A few nights ago I kinda had it with the lack of sleep. I told Mia I’m sleeping on the couch and rather not sleep in the same bed until she can agree to find a way to cope with this anxiety.”

“Because I feel we can’t live like that and she shouldn’t have to constantly deal with that fear.”

“Mia has been mad at me ever since. Telling me I’m being an a** for punishing her over something she has not control of.”

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“I just felt like I was at my wits end. It’s been a few months of this and I didn’t know what else to do. She’s been distant but when we do talk she makes it known how much this is hurting her.”

“So I do feel really bad and I’m wondering if changing our sleeping arrangements until she gets help was an a**hole move because it’s like I’m forcing her to go to therapy, in her words. AITA?”

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People responded to the Reddit post with one of the following acronyms:

  • NTA – Not the A**hole
  • YTA – You’re the A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes here
  • ESH – Everybody Sucks Here

Most of the people pointed out that while it is difficult for Mia to move on from the traumatic incident but now that it is impacting her relationship she should be doing something about it not only for her partner but equally for herself. 

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Because of this, it was voted OP was NTA.

“NTA. You need your sleep. I was considering N A H, except that Mia could get help to control her fear, she’s just not willing to.”

“This could be a deal breaker if she’s not willing to consider therapy, I feel terrible about what she went through, but I know I wouldn’t tolerate being woken up to her screaming panic attack, especially after getting checked to make sure you didn’t have any sleep issues. Sleeping in the same bed as her is not feasible until she addresses her issues.” – ScorpioGirl70

“NTA. The problem isn’t that she has no control over her anxiety, it’s that she’s not taking any steps to gain control in spite of knowing her actions are harming you. She needs professional help for this.” – PotentialityKnocks

“I agree wholeheartedly with this. She knows the issue and is actively refusing to seek help to start to resolve it.”

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“It’s not punishment, just you need your sleep. Consequences teach us important lessons, and the consequence of not getting help is not sleeping in the same bed.” – Transcribbla

“NTA. You’re not ‘forcing her to go to therapy’, you’re setting the boundaries you need to set in order to remain a functioning human while still trying to be there for her.”

“I have the utmost sympathy for her suffering and I can’t begin to fathom the level of trauma that must be impacting her, but nonetheless I have to say that she’s being TA in this situation–partly to you, but above all to herself for not taking the steps she needs to heal.”

“I don’t know heaps about therapy admittedly but would she be more amenable to the idea if you offered (in a gentle non-pushy manner) to come with her?” – Green_Cattle

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