Michelle Obama Opens Up About IVF, Miscarriage, And How It Tested Her Marriage

During her appearance on The Diary of a CEO podcast, Michelle Obama spoke openly about the physical and emotional toll of IVF, pointing out how much harder the process can be on women than on men.

"We don't talk about our bodies and women's health," she told podcast host Steven Bartlett. "There's just not a lot of conversation about marriage or pregnancy or any of this. Our parents just didn't talk about it. Their parents before them didn't talk about it."

Michelle, who is now 60 years old, shared that she was 34 when she and Barack started to realize getting pregnant naturally might not happen. Everything else in their lives was going smoothly — their jobs were settled, their routines felt solid — but they were hit with the harsh truth of how age affects fertility.

"No one tells you that there really is a biological clock, that's not false! Women are born with a finite set of eggs, we don't get anymore and every month we're losing them," she said. "There's a period of time, usually in your 30s, where you go from fertile to not and it's like falling off a cliff."

The couple decided to move forward with IVF and later became parents to two daughters — Malia in 1998 and Sasha in 2001.

Barack Obama and Michelle Obama turned to IVF in the hopes of having children. Credit: X/BarackObama

But the road to becoming parents wasn’t easy. Michelle suffered a miscarriage, and that loss deeply impacted her. She described it as feeling "lost and alone".

In an earlier interview with Good Morning America, she explained: "I felt like I failed because I didn't know how common miscarriages were because we don't talk about them. We sit in our own pain, thinking that somehow we're broken."

The IVF process, she noted, wasn't just hard emotionally — it also put a lot of strain on her physically.

"As a woman you're carrying around this blow, owning the blow as if it's your fault and so you're carrying that burden," Michelle told Bartlett. "That can become the first pressure point in the marriage. The woman is walking around feeling like a failure, not having anyone to talk to about her hormones going up and down, probably dealing with depression."

"She's carrying it all on her own. Then if you do IVF, the bulk of the work, all the shots—we are the petri dish in the process."

When she talked about Barack’s part in the IVF experience, she was blunt. "He would simply 'show up and c*m in a cup'. Oh yay, good for you," she said with a laugh — though the frustration behind the humor was clear.

"Women have to have shots every week," she added. "You're at the doctor's office every month trying to count your eggs and hoping that you're producing eggs, and then you have to go through the procedure and then you're pregnant for nine months as your partner is going to the gym and keeping his figure."

Michelle has been raw and honest when sharing her pregnancy journey. Credit: Jean Catuffe/GC Images/Getty Images

Michelle's perspective hit home for many, as she shed light on something women are often expected to endure quietly. "It's a long way of saying there are many reasons why marriage, infertility, trying to have kids makes things difficult," she explained. "I try to tell couples, of course it's hard to listen to but if you're having troubles it's totally normal."

She acknowledged that even her own marriage was tested by these challenges. When Barack served in the state legislature, he was away a lot, and that distance only made things harder between them.

"Marriage counselling for us was one of those ways where we learned how to talk out our differences," she shared during a conversation with ABC. "I know too many young couples who struggle and think that somehow there's something wrong with them. And I want them to know that Michelle and Barack Obama, who have a phenomenal marriage and who love each other, we work on our marriage. And we get help with our marriage when we need it."

Along with her candid discussion on fertility and marriage, Michelle also addressed the political storm they faced. In her memoir, Becoming, she criticized Donald Trump’s role in pushing the "birther" narrative — a conspiracy that falsely claimed Barack wasn’t born in the United States.

"The whole [birther] thing was crazy and mean-spirited," she wrote. "of course, its underlying bigotry and xenophobia hardly concealed. What if someone with an unstable mind loaded a gun and drove to Washington? What if that person went looking for our girls? Donald Trump, with his loud and reckless innuendos, was putting my family's safety at risk. And for this I'd never forgive him."

Trump later responded after excerpts from her book were released, saying: "Michelle Obama got paid a lot of money to write a book and they always insist you come up with controversy... I'll never forgive him for what he did to our United States military by not funding it properly."

But at its core, Michelle’s memoir isn’t just about politics. It’s about choosing to be open, even when the world encourages women to stay quiet about their struggles.

"As soon as I allowed myself to feel anything for Barack," she wrote, followed by: "the feelings came rushing—a toppling blast of lust, gratitude, fulfilment, wonder."

From falling in love and navigating marriage, to facing fertility challenges and public pressure, Michelle Obama is telling her story in full. And she’s encouraging others to feel safe doing the same.