The couple was shocked to know their baby boy was born with down syndrome. The mother wanted to give him up for adoption but dad refused and decided to raise his 'sunny boy' all on his own. " I left the hospital and cried, but not for long. Later, I was a little embarrassed by these tears."
Mother Wanted To Give Baby With Down Syndrome Up For Adoption, Ended up Being Separated From Husband Who Decided To Raise The Baby Alone
By
Sumaiya Ghani in
Parenting
On 19th November 2020
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This Russian family like any other was delighted when their baby boy came into this world
The couple was beyond the moon when they got blessed with a beautiful baby boy. But their happiness lasted only 1 minute and 39 seconds until their doctor said:
“I fear that your baby has Down Syndrome.”
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This shattered the happy couple's world who had no idea what to do next
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“I didn’t know what to do when I learned of the hypothesis that my son had Down Syndrome. I thought my task now was to turn off emotions, ignite thoughts, support my wife because I believed it would be more difficult for her. The results of the analysis we were promised in a few days, and until then, I decided not to say anything to her,” Evgeny told Bored Panda.
The father cried when he got to know about his son's condition
“I remember that upon learning that my son has Down Syndrome, I left the hospital and cried, but not for long. Later, I was a little embarrassed by these tears. In my life, after all, nothing had changed, in general. I was still with two arms, with two legs, my professional knowledge had gone nowhere. My determination, activity, curiosity, and so on—everything was with me. Everything happened as I planned, my son was born. But the child is special, his life and future destiny are already very significant. And I’m roaring here! This is some kind of selfishness! Is it not fair? No, it is my responsibility. You did not have an amniocentesis—it is clear that the probability was low, but still. You wanted a child, so you took responsibility for it. After all, there are many options: autism, cerebral palsy, genetic mutations… And Down Syndrome is not the worst, as I learned later.”
Later he felt embarassed as nothing has changed in his life and that he has been blessed with a child
He believed that he wanted a child so he had to take responsibility for it
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The new dad took out his phone and started searching what down syndrome is
After much research, he realized that there are so many conditions much worse than down syndrome and that he should be grateful
He made the decision to give his son the best life possible
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“I started looking for information about the syndrome that same night when I returned home. I knew nothing about my son’s diagnosis. I only remembered a terrible photo from a Soviet biology textbook. I went online and researched. I learned about Evelina Bledans and her Semyon, who was born in the same maternity ward as Mishka. I learned that in Europe, people with Down Syndrome are well-socialized, can live and work independently. But the decision I had already made was not influenced by that.”
The 33-year-old father, Evgeny Anisimov, knew this would change their life but this doesn't mean he thought even for one second of leaving his baby
Though the father was prepared to face the responsibility, it looked like the mother wasn't ready for it
“When I made the decision, I had not yet thought about the likelihood of an optimistic scenario. I thought: well, he’s going to enjoy the sunrise, I’m going to take him out to barbecue, he’s going to live his life. Yes, maybe he seems unhappy to someone, but he will have his own life. At no time did I think of leaving my son in an orphanage, that would be inhumane.”
Evgeny thought it would be inhumane to leave their child in an orphanage
This was enough of a reason for the couple to get separated
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Soon Evgeny started his new journey as a single dad to a "sunny" child
The father thinks his wife was just scared at the time
“My wife and I had always had a good and trusting relationship. There were different periods, difficulties, lack of money, separation. I am a kind type, I’m used to giving in to everything, adjusting. Friends even ironically called me ‘dominated.’ But in this case, I was even ready for a conflict, I tried to convince her that we could overcome this situation. And the conflict separated us. Now I understand that she was just scared at the time, she started to act according to the wrong scenario, and by then, the rubicon was already crossed and it was too late to retreat from the scenario.”
Evgeny knows life is hard but his beautiful baby boy named 'Misha' makes it worth living
Evgeny's purpose in life now is to raise his son, Misha, to the best of his abilities.
“When a child is born, he asks the outside world: ‘Am I needed here or not?’ And I answer with certainty: ‘Son, you are needed!’ Being with him, even alone is a normal act for a normal man. I emphasize—I am a normal man, not some kind of hero.”
The dad used to have a good job in Moscow but now is an ordinary worker
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“This has changed my life. I had a good job in Moscow and this was a big turning point in my career, but I couldn’t leave my son. He needed love and warmth. I am an ordinary worker now, but I have a normal salary in my city. I lost my wife, but I am happy with the changes. My son is a very good and open kid like every other kid of his age, he loves me, and it shows.”
The dad says the simple tasks of everyday life are the most difficult
“I think routine is the most difficult thing for me. Every minute, I must do ordinary tasks—cooking food for my son, cleaning, giving him baths, and walking with him… Every task might seem simple, but doing it every day is very difficult. My mother helps me and I can have time for myself, which is very important. I would advise all husbands to help their wives because although parenting is very interesting, it’s also a very hard thing.”
Misha has also started speech therapy
He engages in various activities with his son to help his physical and mental development
“Misha has been attending swimming lessons every week since he was 5 months old. It’s expensive, but a lot of people help us. We’ve also started speech therapy. I understand that the future might bring more issues, but I hope that we will be able to overcome everything.”
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The dad is trying everything he can to help his son’s physical and mental development
He wants to help people from his experience
Evgeny wants to support the families who go through the same situation
“Misha has been attending swimming lessons every week since he was 5 months old. It’s expensive, but a lot of people help us. We’ve also started speech therapy. I understand that the future might bring more issues, but I hope that we will be able to overcome everything.”
