Parents Share How It Feels To Raise Children They Never Wanted

Some were faced with incredibly hard decisions.

"I had genetic testing done during very early pregnancy to screen for congenital problems and mentioned I would abort if they were present. I had friends severely upset with me about this. I know I couldn’t handle a disabled child financially or emotionally, I had to be honest with myself."

For others it was a different time

"My mother point blank told us she didn’t want children and my father had begged and begged her for me. Then my younger sister was an accident. It’s always been an awkward, very strained and very tainted relationship. For a long time I held a ton of resentment and disgust for her. It’s made me into what I consider to be a pretty great parent though- I wanted children and even knowing I’d be giving up sleep and freedoms I knew I wanted them to KNOW they were wanted, planned for, adored."

"My dad remarried and adopted two children of his second wife’s then they had one together, making us a family of 5. Now I get so much in way of a rich childhood for my children with all their cousins and aunt and uncles to love them. It’s not always completely life ruining I suppose but it did have a profound affect on how the first half of my life went for sure, how I felt about myself."

The children always know

"My mom had told me “I wish not having kids was normalized back when I was younger. Back then it was just something you did.” While I know she loves me, I also know if she could go back and not have kids, she would."

No such thing as a replacement baby

"I was conceived to replace a baby boy that died. My mom was so disappointed I was a girl, she forgot my name for a while, and now I have 2 middle names. I had a brother growing up who was favored by both my parents, but he really was amazing. He was my favorite too."

"He died 5 years ago in a motorcycle wreck, and I’m the least favorite (my mom admitted this freely), also I am the last remaining child. *** Also, I don’t care that my parents are disappointed that I was the one that survived. I’ve made myself who I want to be. I only talk to my dad occasionally, and my mom became an alcoholic, because 2 of her kids died. I don’t talk to her. Shrug. My life is separated from theirs, and I encourage other people to cut off the cancerous people, even if it’s your parents. It’s liberating."

The resentment kind of just stays with you. Although you try your best.

"Ex girlfriend baby trapped me. She stopped taking her birth control and didn't tell me. Then cheated on me while pregnant. (She was, and still is a shitty person) At that point I wanted nothing to do with her and was not prepared to be a father. I was young and dumb and still learning who I was and what I wanted to do with my life. She gave me the option to walk away and never see the kid again. I thought about it but couldn't bring myself to, knowing my kid was out there was going to weigh heavily on my conscience.

It was difficult at times. While my friends were studying, partying, travelling I was working and learning to be a father. I didn't want this kid but here I was and I was going to make the best of the situation."

Sometimes, things that don't begin well, end well anyway.

"My daughter is 13 now and I have full custody. Her mother is a piece of shit and my daughter is old enough to know the difference. She's with me now and I couldn't be happier. My daughter is a driving force in my life. I need to be responsible, I need to be accountable, I need to be financially successful. It keeps me going forward and has really made the man I am today. Having a kid when you're barely 20 has ways of making or breaking someone. My daughter was the child I didn't want but ended up being what I needed."

For others it's pretty cut and dry

"You hate them, and you hate yourself for hating them."

You think about the things you're missing out on

"A very close friend has two children (6 and 2 1/2), but really because her husband wanted kids and she knew he'd leave her if she stood her ground on not wanting kids.

She loves her kids with all her heart, but misses the life she could've had without them. Aside from work (just started her residency) all she does is being a mom, she has little to no time for her own hobbies anymore, and misses that a lot.

I can't say if the kids notice that, at their age, but I worry they might, at some point, or that she'll one day just crack and resent either her kids or her husband for taking that childfree life from her."

It should be a conscious decision made with considerable thought

"I think this is a conversation that more women (especially), should have. You are close to being burnt at the stake if you confess that actually if you could turn back the clock, you wouldn't have children. I feel that these conversations may stop perpetuating this idea that 1)if you're a woman you will automatically adore your children 2) you have more options than just having children. Women do also go through things such at PND, and maybe others talking about it won't make them feel so guilty and alienated."

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