People Confess What It's Really Like To Be Polyamorous

#1 What is Polyamory?

Polyamory is the nonpossessive, honest, responsible and ethical philosophy and practice of loving several different people at the same time. Polyamory emphasizes consciously choosing how many partners you are with, with the knowledge and consent of all those involved.

#2 Why choose to be polyamorous?

Some view polyamory as a healthy means of coping with psychological difficulties, pre-existing trauma, differences in sexual desire, and the garden variety erotic boredom that tends to happen in long-term monogamous marriages. Others find that they just naturally fall into love with more than one person at the same time and just don't want to lie and cheat to them.

#3 Don't you get jealous?

Everyone gets jealous no matter if they're monogamous or polyamorous. In a monogamous relationship, jealousy tends to center around one partner basically being untrusting of the other partner in regards to a member of the opposite sex. In a polyamorous relationship, the jealousy tends to happen when someone feels left out or that they're not getting enough attention.

#4 How do you deal with jealousy?

Jealousy, like many emotions, is a healthy one provided that it doesn't fester and become a much worse problem for all parties involved. Jealousy that persists could very well be an underlying indication of a much more serious issue. One has to step back and look at what is making them jealous and why. Then they just simply talk about it with their partners.

#5 What happens when you're having a bad day?

When someone in the intimate circle is having a bad day or experiences a crisis - they have several people to lean on. And, conversely, no one person is taxed out on giving support, because that support is spread out.

#6 Is everyone sexually involved with each other?

Sometimes they are, but not always. There are many different types of relationships. You have ones where everyone are all sexually involved with each other. More common are the relationships where you have a hinge partner that is shared and everyone is NOT sexually involved.

#7 How do you have time for each other?

How does anyone have time for anyone? You make it! You schedule and plan and set up dates. The Google Calender is a very handy tool for syncing up schedules with everyone.

#8 But who comes first?

Of course, there are many different ways to practise polyamory. A lot of people choose the equality and needs-based method. Others choose other structures.

There are less structured types at one end of the spectrum that are called Intimate Networks. They are informal webs of people with varying levels of interpersonal bonding and commitment who share a belief in open multilateral relationships. Intimate Networks often develop around or among open marriages or open couples. People in Intimate Networks and other Polyamorous relationships sometimes refer to the depth of their relationships as "Primary,"Secondary," and "Tertiary" to describe the varying levels of commitment involved.

Primary Relationships are the closest relationship type, the person(s) given the most time, energy and priority in a person's life; includes high level of intimacy, attraction and commitment as demonstrated by marriage-level bonding (such as shared life paths, goals, parenting, economics, housing, important values, ongoing emotional support, etc.) Typically includes a desire for a shared lifelong future together.

Secondary Relationships are close relationship types, by definition they are given less in terms of time, energy and priority in a person's life than any primary relationship. Includes aspects of primary relatings, such as sexuality and emotional support but usually involves fewer ongoing commitments as evidenced by fewer shared values, plans or financial/legal involvements. May include a desire for a long-term future together.

Tertiary Relationships are relationships which may include emotional support or sexuality on a one-time or highly erratic schedule. Attention or energy is given in bursts but the relationship(s) is not a consistent part of one's life.

#9 Aren't you just cheating on each other?

No. Cheating is being dishonest with one another. There is no dishonest withing polyamory and the act of even helping another person to cheat is looked down upon.

#10 What about sexually-transmitted diseases?

Safe sex is highly encouraged and so is regular testing. Some relationships operate where they only go bare with people who have tested negative and use safe protective gear with those who are not part of the inner circle.

#11 Do you have threesomes?

Chances are very high that most polyamorous individuals have. Not every relationship is the same. Either way. it's just freaking awesome.