People Explain Their Reasons For Cheating

#1 Theory#1:Humans aren't naturally monogamous.

According to Dr. Barash, one of the biggest theories that could explain why humans cheat on their partners is also one of the simplest monogamy just doesn't come naturally to us. "If a Martian zoologist were to come to Earth, he or she would conclude without a doubt that human beings are not monogamous," he explains. Of course, that's not necessarily a bad thing. There are loads of skills and practices that don't come naturally to many of us. Being able to fluently read music, for instance, or know how to cook, also aren't abilities we are immediately born with, but if it's something that matters to us, we'll take the time to develop them. The same, Barash says, applies to monogamy. We may not naturally be inclined to commit ourselves to one person, but it's still something we can prioritize if we choose

#2 Theory#2:Cheating is in our genes

Your genetics determine everything from your height to your eye color to how good you are at sports to how easily you get stressed out and if this second theory is to be believed, how likely you are to cheat. First, let's look at DRD4, a gene that helps to produce the hormone dopamine, which as you probably know, is what the brain produces when it's being stimulated by pleasure food, sex, you name it. As Love, Factually host Anna Parsons points out, everyone has the DRD4 gene, but it varies in size from person to person. "People with long DRD4 alleles need more stimulation to release dopamine," she explains. Why is this significant? Because studies show that people with long alleles are twice as likely as people with short alleles to "have a history of uncommitted sex, including one-night stands, and acts of infidelity," Parsons explains.

But your genes aren't done potentially wrecking havoc on your love life just yet. Another gene, the AVPR1A gene, is involved with the production of arginine vasopressin, which Parsons explains, "is responsible for trust, empathy, and sexual bonding." According to one study conducted with sets of twins, 40 percent of women who had specific variants of this gene were more likely to cheat. So, while we shouldn't turn to genetics to completely justify cheating, it can perhaps explain why a person toyed with the idea in the first place.

#3 Theory#3:Our brain systems make us cheat

According to Fisher, we have three different brain systems in place that oversee mating: sex drive, feelings of romantic love, and feelings of deep attachment. But, that doesn't mean they're always willing to work cooperatively with each other. "The problem comes when these three brain systems are not always directed at the same human being," Fisher says. So, while you may feel deeply attached to someone, the part of your brain in charge of your sex drive might be focused on someone else, while the part in control of romantic love is obsessing over a different person altogether. It's kind of like your brain has three separate minds of its own and they all have completely different agendas.

#4 Are we all hardwired to be cheaters?

No, not necessarily but as Parsons points out, these theories do suggest that when someone cheats, there are more factors at play than we immediately realise, and they don't necessarily have anything to do with having a shady moral compass. So, before you write someone off as being a completely terrible person for being unfaithful, keep in mind the variety of biological influences that shape us all. Cheating can definitely be a painful experience for every player involved but it doesn't have to mean the end of a relationship.

#5 Mike*

Marriage is naturally a long story. Twenty-five-year relationship. She stayed at home, while I hit the grind. We had long, deep dysfunctional patterns: guilt trips, self-medicating, self-loathing, and retreating into work to distance ourselves from the problems. Just years of build up and unresolved issues. After our second kid leaves the house, I snap and want out, but I feel trapped when she says things like, "I will die if you leave me." I detonate, hit the Internet, which results in several months of five overlapping affairs. It was crazy. One [mistress] was in her 40s. We instantly fall into an intense dominantsubmissive relationship, which she continually escalates. Then, there was the tattooed 20something obsessed with French literature and James Joyce whose student loans I paid off and erased. (She'll later freak out when I try to break up with her, saying if she's lost everything she might as well send all correspondence to my wife.)

After six months of marital trauma, we finally do therapy. My wife demands to know the identities of women [I cheated on her with]. I have heavy sleep deprivation for months as she stays up hunting social media details. I self-loathe, deteriorate, medicate, gun shop, attend sex addict meetings, and take polygraph tests. Ultimately, I hit a point of exhaustion with the toxic cycles and ask to separate. We have been split up for almost six months now.

#6 Sadie*

Sadly, yes, I have cheated in a relationship, and more than once, too. Each time I cheat with the same guy because I'm convinced he'll suddenly want to be with me again. He was my first serious relationship and definitely the first person I fell in love with. Honestly, I think I've just never gotten over him.

#7 Kimberly*

I was dating this guy for about two years. Towards the end of our relationship he started to become very possessive, manipulative, and quite abusive. He had a few fetishes that he often would try force me to play into. For example, he was into obese women and the idea of feeding someone until they became obese. When I said no [to that], he refused to sleep with me; instead, he would watch porn in front of me and masturbate. It was pretty fucked up and really messed with me.

I was really wasted and high on speed at a party, and I was talking to one of my male friends about ithe was also drunk and high. One thing led to another, and I slept with my friend. When I went home the next day, I packed my shit from our apartment, told my boyfriend what happened, and then went back to my parents' house. Things got worse from there. He ended up stalking me and my family for roughly six months. He would send my parents letters telling them that I just needed to realise that I still loved him, and he would send me letters saying that if I didn't get back with him he would kill himself. I found him asleep on my porch more than once. He would often park his car at the gas station opposite my house and just watch. Cheating was a shitty move. It's a horrible thing to do to someone, but I think it's safe to say it got me out of a really fucked-up relationship

#8 Brady*

I am currently in the middle of full-blown affair. My girlfriend and I have been together for four years. We live together, have a dog, and pretty much the white-picket-fence life. I love her very much, but she is very vanilla and I am not at all. She is not willing to indulge in any kink that I want to. We have not had sex at all in two months.

Two weeks ago a coworker asked me if I want to go back to her place and drink some beers. I was stoked but thought it was just going to be a hangoutnothing more. Well, we had sex. It was amazing. She was happy to indulge me in my kinks and she really enjoyed doing the stuff I was into. I have her on Snapchat, so now we snap each other all the time. I'm starting to have feelings for this coworker, but I do still love my current girlfriend. The coworker lives across town and tells me she barely ever leaves the areaI know my girlfriend never goes to her side of town. I feel really bad, but at the same time, why can I not have it all?

I know I'm a selfish pig. This is going to end badly for me. I know it.

#9