Woman Tells Sister Her Haircut Isn't "Some Big Achievement" Because It Reminds Her Of Dad

Grieving can be a complicated and sad affair. This Redditor shared an incident with her sister after their mother's death where the two clashed over a haircut.

"My dad died unexpectedly and relatively young. My youngest sister was 3 at the time. Her hair was a lot like his. It's super curly. Because of this, our mom did a lot to maintain it."

Pexels / Reddit: u/TroubledSibling24

Losing their father so early on had clear effects on the mother, with her becoming obsessed with her youngest child's hair.

"Growing up, mom would spend hours on my sister's hair, and each morning was dedicated to the two of them in the bathroom, with my sister screaming and crying because brushing through it was long and unpleasant."

Pexels / Reddit: u/TroubledSibling24

This went on until the child was 13 and the mother insisted on still washing her hair.

"Up until she was 13, mom insisted on washing and styling my sister's hair. She never let her cut it or dye it. When someone suggested getting it trimmed they were kicked out of the house."

Pexels / Reddit: u/TroubledSibling24

This controlling behaviour seeped into other parts of the house with all of the children feeling the brunt of it.

"I won't lie, Mom was controlling at times but I thought we all knew it was because of grief and memory of our dad."

Pexels / Reddit: u/TroubledSibling24

It wasn't until the mother died that the youngest sister decided to finally take control of her own hair and made the decision to go for a big chop.

"Well, Mom died and the first thing my sister did was get her hair chopped incredibly short and dyed. She sent myself and my siblings a picture of her new haircut, with the caption 'Sharon (our mom) always said I was going to grow my hair down to my butt...Not anymore."

Pexels/Reddit

The youngest would often mention how liberated she felt to have cut her hair while enjoying the fact that her mother would have hated it.

"I thought it was my sister's way of grieving but now she mentions it a lot, like asking how pissed I think mom would be if she saw my hair this short."

Pexels / Reddit: u/TroubledSibling24

This was too much for the younger sister,

"I told her after the 5th comment to stop acting like her haircut was a big achievement, it's not, millions of people get haircuts and she should know her hair was important to mom because it reminded her of dad."

Pexels / Reddit: u/TroubledSibling24

To this her sister replied,

"She said she wasn't supposed to be Sharon's doll or a replacement for their dad, she should have been her own person, and if I can't respect that she doesn't need me in her life.

AITA?"

Pexels / Reddit: u/TroubledSibling24

Redditors quickly spotted the underlying abuse that the two had gone through while children and pointed it out to OP. Some gently and some not so gently.

This one said that the mother was abusive and that her behavior must have been traumatizing for the youngest.

"YTA. Hun, it wasn't just controlling; your mother was abusive. Torturing a kid like this (for something that's not medical) is absolutely traumatizing. I wasn't allowed to cut my hair until I was in the first grade. It was ALREADY below my butt. I was a little kid sitting on my own fucking hair. Finally, my father is the one who said "If she wants to cut it, she should be allowed to cut it". I went in with >2 feet of growth and came out with a bowl cut (which was the only name of a short haircut I knew). It absolutely was a fucking accomplishment."

Reddit: u/TroubledSibling24

Another added that a normal activity had been taken away from her sister so this haircut must have felt like an achievement for her.

"You're right—it's no big accomplishment to get a new hairstyle. It's normal as hell. And your sister has been denied that perfectly normal option for her whole life. Give her a f*cking break."

Reddit: u/TroubledSibling24

Another asked why OP didn't have empathy for her sister.

"How about some empathy?

Your sister was traumatized by your mother, who essentially abused you. She has finally found freedom and you can't be happy with her.

The jealousy just oozes from this post. You see your sister as the golden child. She's a victim."

Reddit: u/TroubledSibling24

Another said that even if there was a reason for the mother's behavior, it wasn't a justification.

"So there's a reason that your mother was immensely controlling about your sister's hair.
Why would that make any difference to your sister?

YTA."

Reddit: u/TroubledSibling24

The verdict was in, YTA.