Relationship Expert Reveals The Subtle Habit That Might Be Hurting Your Love Life

A relationship expert has shed light on a seemingly minor habit that, over time, could weaken even the strongest of relationships.

When we think about breakups, our minds often jump to big betrayals, like infidelity. Those are the moments we assume cause relationships to fall apart.

But not every split happens because of one major event. Sometimes, relationships fade gradually as two people slowly realize they aren’t as compatible as they once thought.

Surprisingly, this small but significant habit can quietly drive a wedge between you and your partner. If left unchecked, it might be the silent force pulling you apart.

And the tricky part? Either person can do it without even realizing it. The habit is simple: failing to acknowledge your partner’s ‘bids’ for attention.

According to The Gottman Institute, a ‘bid’ is essentially ‘a request to connect.’ It acts as ‘the fundamental unit of emotional communication’ in a relationship.

'Bid busting' happens more than we realize in our relationships Imaginestock/Getty Images

Bids can take many forms - a casual comment about their day, a funny meme they share, a light touch on the arm, or even something as small as a sigh.

How you respond, or whether you respond at all, makes a bigger impact than you might think.

When bids are ignored, it can make your partner feel unnoticed or even rejected. Over time, this lack of acknowledgment can create emotional distance between you.

If your partner starts feeling unrecognized, they might stop making an effort altogether. Eventually, their ‘bids’ will disappear, and before you realize it, the relationship feels more like a shared living arrangement than a romantic partnership.

Many couples don’t notice this happening until it’s too late. It often marks the beginning of a slow decline in their connection.

So, how do people unknowingly become what experts call ‘bid busters’ - the ones who constantly ignore these small but important interactions?

Ignoring 'bids' can be relationship-breaking, dating experts have warned Catherine Falls Commercial/Getty Images

Unfortunately, it’s easier than you might think, and modern life is a major reason why.

With the constant distractions of smartphones, demanding jobs, binge-watching shows, or even just a bad mood, we might unintentionally shut down our partner’s efforts to connect.

When bids are repeatedly ignored, the message being sent whether intended or not is clear: ‘I’m not interested in you.’

Even if that’s far from the truth, the reality is that we all get distracted. In long-term relationships, it’s common to take our partner’s presence for granted.

Luckily, there’s an easy fix to stop this pattern before it damages the relationship.

The Gottman Institute explains that there are three ways to respond to a bid: ‘turning towards’ (acknowledging and engaging with it), ‘turning away’ (ignoring or missing it), and ‘turning against’ (rejecting it in a dismissive or argumentative way). The way you choose to react plays a crucial role in your relationship’s health.

Paying active attention to your partner helps reduce 'bid busting' Georgeclerk/Getty Images

Obviously, the first option is the goal - paying attention to your partner is key.

"A tendency to turn towards your partner forms the basis of trust, emotional connection, passion, and a satisfying sex life, the institute adds."

It makes perfect sense. Relationships are built on mutual interest and engagement. When both partners consistently turn toward each other rather than away, the bond grows stronger and more secure.

So, the next time your partner starts talking about something they’re excited about, put your phone down, make eye contact, and show genuine interest. That small act could make all the difference in keeping your relationship healthy.

The Gottman Institute sums it up perfectly: "Some people think they can put their relationship on ice and then thaw it out with the occasional romantic date night."

"But relationships are built and maintained with daily attention, not grand gestures."

"Attention, intention, interest, and curiosity are the antidotes to bid busters."

"Practicing this will make all the difference in your relationships."