Scientists Discover What Women Really Want In A Penis

#1 Here's their research if you're into thinking about science and dicks at the same time:

There it is. Scientific proof women aren't looking for a dong that can punch through their back. Turns out, it's not the size of the boat...

#2 OK, so we know women say they don't care about size, but no one ever really believes them because we're all insecure little worms desperately trying to pull our heads out of the mud.

But what if I told you that some Doctors at a children's hospital in Zurich (let's not think too hard about how they usually handle children) asked 105 ADULT women (aged 16-64) to rate the penis in the following categories:

- length

- girth

- shape

- position of the meatus (the slit at the tip of the head that they pee and jizz from)

- appearance of pubic hair

- general cosmetic appearance

I guess they didn't have time for a talent portion of the competition.

According to the women's responses, length came in 6th most important, and girth was ranked a little higher at third. So what could be more important than length and girth?

#3 ...it just has to be a really beautiful boat.

#4 General cosmetic appearance and pubic hair.