Seven Myths That Are Ruining Your Love Life

#1

Tracey Cox reveals the seven, stubborn commonly believed 'facts' about sex that have absolutely no basis in reality at all - and that she still gets asked about 30 years into her career.

#2 Good sex is spontaneous and happens naturally

Nothing makes me more annoyed than when people say, 'Sex should be spontaneous and happen naturally. If you have to plan things and make an effort, you're with the wrong person'.

This type of thinking isn't just naïve and immature, it makes people question perfectly good, happy relationships.

#3 Sex should be great every single time

Some people are sexual perfectionists, waiting for the perfection conditions to have good sex and expecting perfect performances every time. A healthier, more realistic model for sex looks like this.

For every ten sex sessions, it's likely four will be OK, four will be good, one will be fantastic and one boring or even disastrous.

If you're not having the odd disaster in bed, say sex therapists, you're not challenging yourselves by trying new things.

Stop putting the pressure on and stop counting orgasms.

Instead, simply aim to connect physically and give pleasure to each other.

#4 Sex is much better when you're young

Ask Dame Helen Mirren for her opinion on this one.

Last year (at 69) she described her sex life as 'great, just wonderful' compared to the 'paranoid and empty' sex she had when young.

One Relate survey found during our supposed 'peak' sexual years our 30s for women. Most couples are so busy dealing with kids, mortgages and careers, sex is largely ignored or a source of stress rather than pleasure.

Sexual confidence, according to this and other surveys, truly appears to peak between the age of 60 and 69.

Another 2015 study found around 54 percent of men and 31 percent of women in their 70s and 80s have sex at least twice a month.

Not just for the young then.

#5 People stop watching porn once they're in a relationship

People get upset that their partner is still watching porn and masturbating when they could have 'the real thing'.

Masturbating solo doesn't mean your partner's not completely satisfied with the 'real' sex you're having together.

Lots of people also satisfy a higher sex drive through masturbating rather than hassle their partners for more sex than they want to have.

#6 Men feel like sex all the time

Society gives a nod to female desire fluctuating throughout the month, partly to do with hormone changes and menstruation.

But both men and women have certain times of the day, week or month when they feel like sex more or not at all.

#7 Sex is about power

True, sex is about power.

But it's about giving up power, relinquishing control and allowing yourself to be vulnerable.

We're all sensitive about sex.

Couples who compete in bed each wanting to have power over the other have wary, cautious sex, not wanting the other person to have 'something on them'.

Letting go and letting your partner see the true you are key ingredients for a sex life that thrives.

#8 There's something wrong with you if you can't orgasm during intercourse

US Sex therapist Vanessa Marin says she 'absolutely despises' the way we talk about female orgasm as a society.

'Women are made to think our bodies are weird and hard to figure out. But the main reason why female orgasm can seem harder to attain than male orgasm is because we expect women's sexuality to work the same way men's sexuality does.'

In short, we expect women to orgasm from penetration when the best (and often only way for a great majority of women) is through clitoral stimulation.

This is how we're built but women are made to feel there's something wrong with us for not being able to orgasm during intercourse.

What works for men doesn't work for women and it's frustrating why something we've known for more than 2000 years (it's made clear in The Kama Sutra) still isn't widely accepted.