How can you tell if she’s dirty? It’s fairly easy if you briefly inspect the clues she is giving you. For example, if you’re out to dinner and she spills something on her shirt but keeps talking about that annoying chick Becky she works with, she might be dirty. If her yoga pants are always so coated in cat hair you wonder if she works full-time at a veterinary office, she might be dirty. If she’s straight up dirty most of the time, either she works in construction or she’s — you guessed it — probably dirty.
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#1 Her Selfies Look Like This
Girls get a pass for taking a selfie in a dirty mirror if they’re at the gym, but there is absolutely no excuse for taking a selfie in front of her own bathroom mirror splattered in toothpaste and who knows what else. If she’s up on Instagram showing that her mirror has more toothpaste on it than her toothbrush, she may be a dirty girl.
#2 Her Fingernails Look Like This
Not all girls feel the need to get frequent manicures or even buff their nails once a year, but if her cuticles are gnawed down to the first knuckle, beware. There’s a reason women in the United States spend $768 million a year on nail polish, because they want to look good.
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#3 Her Makeup Looks Like This
Experts say that makeup should be replaced regularly, not only because trends change from season-to-season but mostly because makeup can get really, really gross.
#4 Her Sweatshirts Look Like This
We all have that favorite sweatshirt. You know the one, it’s beaten up, no matter how many times you wash it it still has questionable stains, and you’ve had it so long you don’t even remember where or when you bought it. But no matter how many pounds you gain over the years, it fits you just right and just feels like home every time you slip it on.
Yeah, well, if every single sweatshirt in her closet is raggedy, desperately trying to hold itself together, she might have a problem. It’s not 1984 anymore, that whole cut up off-the-shoulder intentionally ripped look isn’t a thing, unless you just DGAF.
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#5 Her Bathroom Looks Like This
Bathrooms are already pretty gross to begin with even if you are meticulous about keeping them clean. But if she has an entire hair salon’s worth of products on a single vanity, there’s absolutely no way she’s wiping the inevitable toilet spray that hits the air every time she flushes with any sort of regularity. Yup, she’s gross.
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#6 Her Phone Looks Like This
Nearly everyone with a smartphone without a protective case has experienced the horror of watching your phone slip out of your hand or off the table and fall face first into the floor. For those of us who have endured such events, the sound of that crack and the resulting glass splinters in our fingers as we desperately scroll across our once perfect phone are scarring to say the least.
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#7 Her Purse Looks Like This
No single girl needs fifteen different Chapsticks in varying states of label decay, and unless the IRS is going to audit her in the next five minutes there’s no reason she needs a year’s worth of receipts stuffed in every purse pocket either. If an ancient pack of gum deep at the bottom of her bag has given way to a complex civilization of sentient germs, she may be a dirty girl.
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#8 Her Fridge Looks Like This
Fridges are often neglected, with deep cleanings only occurring on stormy days when the WiFi goes out, but a crusty fridge packed with half-eaten takeout boxes, brown guacamole containers, and various Tupperware that may or may not have once contained actual food is a massive red flag.
