The Absolute Dumbest Criminals Of All Time

By Editorial Staff in Amazing On 28th July 2016

The criminals always get caught, especially if they have no common sense. If you're going to mastermind a major crime or even a simple burglary you need some sort of plan. These crooks are certainly no professionals, but thanks to their goof-ups we can enjoy their feeble attempts to pull off a big heist.

#1 My Gun's Bigger Than Your Gun

It's common for thugs or even hardened professional criminals to rob a pizza shop, or even attempt to rob a bank. But who would decide it's a good idea to walk into a gun shop with a gun in hand and try to rob it? A stupid criminal, that's who. One instance, in particular, will make you scratch your head in amazement, and that's the case of Derrick Mosley. This would-be gun thief strolled into a popular Oregon gun shop and thought it wise to smash the glass of a display case with a baseball bat and grab a handgun from it. He was a bit startled when he looked up and saw the store manager had already pulled out his gun, an even bigger one, that was fully loaded.It was aimed right at his head. Another store clerk had already hit the alarm button and needless to say, Mosley left the gun store with an escort and a $250,000 bond for his release.

#2 Let’s Make A Deal

Lots of stupid criminals make the huge mistake or returning to the scene of the crime. Perhaps it's just the fascination of seeing how well they pulled it off. Or, if you're like this crook, you might want to return to the scene if you accidentally left your wallet behind. Unfortunately for Victor Marin, when he returned to the home of the individual he had burgled, the victim, Yaakov Kanefsky, had already returned home and discovered the burglary. Marin attempted to reason with the homeowner, stating he was just in his home to use the bathroom; but when that excuse didn't win Kanefsky over, Marin made a deal to return the $218 he had stolen in exchange for his wallet. As Marin was counting out the $93 in singles, one by one, and slipping them under the door, Mr. Kanefsky had time to phone the police, who arrived just as the last bill was being slipped through. Marin was caught red-handed as he turned around to see who was walking onto the porch, and then placed in handcuffs and arrested.

#3 Jesus, Take The Wheel

Drunk drivers make really bad mistakes. In Sullivan County, Tennessee, on the night of October 7th, 2008, the streets became a very unsafe place to be walking OR driving, thanks to the decision of beer drinker Randy Lewis. He had been drinking heavily all afternoon and when it was time to go home from a family gathering, he had the sense enough not to drive himself, because he knew he was intoxicated. However, his .26 blood alcohol level lead him to believe it was best if his ten-year-old son got behind the wheel. At a speed of 90 miles per hour, Lewis' son lost control of the Windstar and the vehicle flipped. Inside the vehicle were Lewis, his son, and his two other children, all of whom survived the crash with treatable injuries.

#4 Get Outta Dodge

If you mess up at the crime scene it's pretty much over, and you just lowered your chances of getting away with the crime. If you make two mistakes, it's time to just get out of dodge because you're as good as caught. For Christopher Kron, not even four very big mistakes would keep him away from his desired prize. First, Kron tripped the alarm of the restaurant he had broken into. His second folly was not escaping when the rather loud alarm blared. Kron's third and fourth missteps? Answering the phone when ADT called and providing them with his real name. Ironically, Kron may have gotten away with it had he not returned to the location the next day where he was recognized by staff that had watched the surveillance video. Oh, and that grand prize Kron was after? All he left with was a bottle of Grand Marnier and a bottle of beer.

#5 Return To Sender

The USPS can either be your best friend or your worst enemy, depending on how you use it. For Montgomery County inmate Quinton J. Thomas, learning how the postage system works would have been a good first step. Arrested for fatally shooting a person during a botched robbery, the prosecution's case against Thomas was pretty solid. So much so that Thomas made a desperate attempt to keep a key witness out of the courthouse. In a letter to an outside friend, Thomas requested his friend find a way to keep the witness from testifying and also demanded that they kill any witnesses that may come forward. Unfortunately for Thomas, the letter came back "Return to Sender," and, per prison policy, was screened in the incoming mail.

#6 No Light, No Crime

Apparently in the mean streets of Willoughby, Ohio, there's a rumor going around that burglars cannot be arrested at night or after dark. At least, that's what the mindset of James Blankenship would lead you to believe. James had long since been banned from entering his mother's house, so he took it upon himself one night to break in. Unfortunately for him, his mother caught him mid-act and a neighbor alerted the police. When he was finally picked up hiding inside a crawl space, Blankenship told the officers that he was under the impression one could not be arrested for burglary at night. Needless to say, you can, and he most certainly was. Let's just say they kept a light on for him.

#7 Give Me Back My Urine

Now here is a case of a really bad decision and why you should be careful driving on the highway with big rig trucks rolling by. 26-year-old Krystal Evans of Crescent City, California was on probation for drug use and was required to produce sporadic urine samples. After performing her probationary duties, her nerves must have set in and she couldn't remember if her urine sample would turn up positive for her drug of choice, methamphetamine, or if she would be clean. Along with a friend, 24-year-old Denise McClure, Evans ransacked a big DHL delivery truck in hopes of finding the ill-fated urine sample that truckers often keep in containers while driving non-stop. In mid-search, the delivery driver stumbled upon the two bumbling criminals and called the cops. Turns out, Evans had nothing to be worried about. Her initial urine sample tested negative, though the sample she gave upon her arrest contained traces of meth, and the truck driver was arrested two days later in Nevada.

#8 Outwitted By A Child

Talk about irony? Considering the subject matter of this wicked crime, it's a little tough to find the humor, but it's in there. Jean Rector, Stockholm, Sweden, had a desire for underage girls and had tried to enter into a sexual relationship with a 13-year-old girl he met online. The disgusting man met the girl on a dating website and proceeded to send her an advanced payment of 500 kronor or roughly $59 Dollars. When the girl stiffed him on her end of the bargain, and never showed up, Rector found the girl's home phone number and proceeded to call her father to demand a refund. The young girl was not innocent in this, but the pervert got exactly what was coming to him when sentenced to 3 years in jail.

#9 The Sharpie Bandits

When you attempt to rob an establishment, it is often wise to cover up your face. Traditional criminals will look to ski masks, presidential Halloween masks, and even stockings; but Matthew Allan McNelly and Joey Lee Miller were far from traditional. The 20-something duo attempted to break into a man's home in Carroll, Iowa using a black permanent marker as their disguise. The funny part about permanent marker is the whole "permanent" part. Not to mention, the superhero-inspired designs they chose did little to actually hide their identities. They were identified just hours later and jailed.

#10 Tell Me Another

Criminals have a habit of doing really dumb things after they commit a crime. Some brag to friends or post pictures on social media, or as Polish author Krystian Bala did, write a novel about it. In 2003, Bala wrote and published a book called "Amok" which featured a rather detailed murder that, to authorities, was a little too familiar. The described murder in the "fictional" novel, which has a young woman bound with a cord that then formed a noose around her neck, was eerily similar to the death of a Polish businessman whose body was found in a nearby river a year before. Authorities determined that Bala wasn't writing from his imagination, but rather from memory as he had played a role in the murder Dariusz Janiszewski. After suspicious arose, police looked into Bala's connection with Janiszewski and found that the businessman had been seeing Bala's ex-wife at the time of his murder. What a writer.

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