Love, at first sight, is a thing most people truly believe. One second, you’re minding your own business, going about your ordinary life, then suddenly you set eyes on the perfect person. Could be someone you’d like to love for the rest of your life, or maybe just for one night. That’s why Craigslist Missed Connections are such a big hit. People who missed their opportunity to approach that special person can make a post, describing where they saw the love of their life, and hope with fingers crossed that the person sees the post, and feels the same way. While the idea of a missed connection certainly sounds romantic, sometimes, it can be downright creepy. From strange scenarios and odd descriptions, these posts are just a little unsettling. Some people just don’t have the whole “romance” part figured out. But hey, at least they tried, right?
The Creepiest Missed Connections Ever Seen On Cragslist
YOU’RE SMART, BUT I’M OLD
This guy’s post is not exactly a “missed connection”; unless their previous encounter was just in his dreams…which is totally likely. And he’s not narrowing down the population very well. But he’ll let you sit on “it”! Hopefully “It” is a really comfortable chair so you can at least Netflix and chill first.
U r tall intelligent black – m4w (Hurstborne)
“I am white, always [excited], three times your age, missing you. You are a sweetheart…damn good in bed, have a gap between your front teeth.
Think about it….I’ll let you sit on it.”
LOOKING FOR THE MEAT GAZER
To be clear – when a woman looks at your junk in a public setting, it is way more likely that she quickly glanced because something was amiss. Bulges where they shouldn’t be, maybe a wet spot, maybe some spilled food on your crotch. It’s improbable that she’s staring because she wants a piece. But this guy is probably the type that sends pictures of his junk over Tinder, so there’s no hope.
Sup Girl. You Up? -m4w (Mess Hall)
“Caught you looking at my junk. If you want it just ask. I saw you taking a long hard look at it then turned when I got closer.”
WHAT CAN BROWN DO FOR YOU?
Before you judge “skid mark” too harshly, let’s be real; anyone that eats 11 sticks of beef jerky and then chugs a gallon of whole milk before riding off on a bike in the hot summer – is going to have some “bathroom problems”. Frankly, it could have been a whole lot worse.
Guy with skid mark, bought gallon of whole milk, circle k – w4m (Pensacola, Fl)
“I was in my bikini at the circle k, you came in with your short shirt and your bike shorts on. They were white and you had a pretty sexy skid mark staining your behind. You got 11 sticks of beef jerky and a gallon of whole milk, then rode off on your bicycle. I will know it’s you because you paid in pennies.”
WE HAVEN’T MET YET BUT…BOOBIES
If you’ve got huge boobs and you’re into men with big… imaginations, he’s your guy! He’s even “okay looking”! This is what is creative and creepy post looked like on Craigslist:
Top heavy woman – m4w (New Jersey/Philly)
“If you are a large breasted, BBW woman on here, trying to find the guy that saw you, I AM THAT GUY! I saw you, or at least certainly wish I did! Look, let’s face it, if you are on here you are hoping that someone noticed you. I’ll be that guy. What’s the difference if I actually “saw” you or not? Looking all fantastic with your curvy self. If you have huge boobs, then I would absolutely have noticed! All we are doing is cutting out the middle man known as “chance” that we were at the same place at the same time. So what do you have to lose? I am an ok looking guy, employed, drive, etc. We both need some sugar, so let’s bring the spice!” Wow, romance is certainly not dead!
I LIKED IT WHEN YOU WATCHED
While he’s right that “everybody poops”, it’s not exactly the right time to swap numbers with a stranger. Regardless of how hot she is.
To the beautiful lady who saw me pooping – m4w (Pizza House)
“Me: taking a huge poop in the 15p pizza bathroom.
You: drunk, beautiful, discovered that I forgot to lock the door in my haste.
Look, I know it must have been awkward for you to see me in that state, and especially since it didn’t seem to bother me that you walked in. We made eye contact for a brief moment, you have the most beautiful brown eyes (no pun intended). I said “hey beautiful lady” right as you slammed the door, and I meant it. Everyone poops, and now that you have seen me pooping, I feel like we have already moved our relationship to a higher level. If you read this, and feel the same way, respond…I hope the smell didn’t offend you, I ate Indian food for lunch…”
GIRL, YOU CAN VIOLATE ME ANYTIME
Maybe it’s true that men love a bad girl as much as women love a bad boy. This particular guy has a thing for felons.
To the girl who attempted a B&E this morning – m4w
“Hi, I am the guy whose house you tried breaking and entering this morning around 9:30 am in Moore on Gale Street. Our conversation was short. You only said, “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh…as you saw me staring back at you through the door blinds. Still, I feel we made a good connection, separated by inches, the door, and the two locks you were trying to pick. I gave you 15 minutes to make your getaway. Your welcome BTW. I don’t know if you were with a professional crew, but please don’t try to break into my house again. I’d hate to shoot your cute freckled face. However, if you’re up for a legal encounter I’m game. You know the one.”
HALLOWEEN FANTASIES
Either this guy is into animals, or it’s just a coincidence that the girl of his dreams happened to be half bull the night he met her (it was Halloween, after all!) A minotaur in her underwear, walking sexy in high heels. Now, this guy has seen everything. And he totally wants to see more of it.
Minotaur, Halloween, Downtown – m4w – (Santa Cruz)
“You were a tall blonde girl wearing a creepy Minotaur mask , walking down pacific avenue with the sexiest strut I have ever seen. It’s nice to see a girl that can actually walk in high heels. Given, you were in your underpants, but I think even if you had been dressed more modestly it would have had the same impact. Just….damn.”
GASSY AND SNOOTY BUT STILL HOT
So she’s snooty and she’s smelly. But she’s hot. But she stinks. But she’s hot.
You farted in Trader Joe’s – m4w (Danbury, CT)
“You were the tall brunette with the near perfect body that farted in the bread section last night. I was the tall guy next to you that looked over and asked, “was that you?” you quickly replied, “No…wasn’t me!” You seemed insulted that I would ask. As the stink grew, you continued to deny your flatulence, but it was evident. I tried to get rid of the stench by waving to loafs of ciabatta bread. You proceeded to storm off in an angry manner. You are beautiful even if you are a liar and fart like a Clydesdale, I’d love to meet up sometime.”
SURPRISE! SHOULD HAVE WRAPPED SOMETHING ELSE…
Surprisingly, pregnancy announcements on Missed Connections are relatively common. One night stands always have the possibility of turning into 18 years if you don’t play it safe. Clearly, this guy has not been answering her texts, calls or emails (surely, she has at least one of those). Desperate times call for desperate measures, so she vandalized his car and made a short and simple post on Craigslist. Sorry, John, your saran wrapped car must be a subliminal message: Gotta keep it wrapped!
I Saran Wrapped Your Car Last Night – m4w (Richmond)
“I saran wrapped your car last night. John, I’m pregnant.”
BAGEL PUNS? REALLY?
Gotta love food puns! At yeast she’s not being too kneady.
You were schmearing my bagel – w4w – 44 (Berkeley)
“You served me at Noah’s the other day. The way you glanced at me as you spread that cream cheese on my bagel made my mind wander. I ordered poppy seed, but baby you made me want an Everything. Your hair is blonde and have skin as smooth and off-white as manila folders. Hopefully I caught your eyeballs when I gave you an extra glance on my way out. Don’t worry I’ll be back though, if not for the bagels, at least for the cream. Thanks for heatin’ up my toaster.”
