Couple's Therapist Says One Simple Question Can Reveal If Your Relationship Is Actually Healthy

A couples therapist has shared one simple question people can ask themselves to figure out whether their relationship might be unhealthy or even toxic.

These days, relationship advice is everywhere. You see it on social media, in articles, and in videos, and a lot of it often says different things or even contradicts itself.

However, when it comes to this topic, Yasmine Mattar speaks from real experience and hands-on work with clients.

As a mental health counseling intern based in Miami and a life coach, helping people understand how relationships work is a big part of her daily job.

She spends time guiding people to open up, reflect on their behavior, and recognize patterns that may not be healthy or helpful.

Through that process, she has developed a clear way to quickly assess how stable and balanced a relationship really is.

While speaking to the Daily Mail, Mattar explained that the question she uses with her clients in her Florida practice is actually very straightforward.

Yasmin Mattar revealed the question you should ask Instagram/@balancedbyyasmine

'If this relationship ended today, would you still feel like you could emotionally survive it?'

"That question tends to strike a nerve because many people have been taught to view intensity, emotional fusion or 'I can't live without you' type of love as romantic," she explained. "But clinically, that isn't necessarily a sign of relational health."

Mattar went on to say that if someone feels like they could not cope without their partner, it may point to deeper issues.

These can include emotional dependency, fear of abandonment, losing your sense of identity within the relationship, or unresolved attachment issues that are being triggered.

She also made it clear that while breakups are painful and difficult, they should not completely take away who you are as a person or leave you feeling like you have nothing left.

She said a relationship shouldn't be all-consuming Getty Stock Images

'Love should add to your life'

If a relationship becomes the only thing holding someone together emotionally, then it may not be as healthy as it seems on the surface.

"If you deeply love someone, of course losing them would hurt. You may grieve them, miss them, and feel deeply affected by their absence. That is completely normal and human," the therapist explained.

"But in a healthy relationship, losing someone may break your heart, but it should not completely dismantle your sense of self."

Instead, she said that a strong and healthy relationship allows both people to keep their individuality while still being connected.

If both partners can stay grounded in who they are, that is often a sign things are working in a healthy way.

"At its healthiest, love should add to your life, not become the only thing keeping your life emotionally intact," Mattar said, before continuing: "You can deeply love someone and still remain emotionally whole as your own person. And remember, heartbreak is normal. Identity collapse is a different conversation."

"One of the healthiest signs of love is the ability to stay connected without losing yourself inside of it."

The therapist explained that a break up shouldn’t ‘completely dismantle your sense of self’ Getty Stock Images

In a similar way, the Lukin Center for Psychotherapy has outlined several signs that may point to an unhealthy attachment in a relationship.

These include strong jealousy or lack of trust, feeling like you always need your partner around, struggling to manage anger, having no sense of balance, and expecting your partner to meet every emotional need.

The center suggests that couples therapy can help address these issues and guide both people toward a more stable and balanced relationship.