These Are All The Reasons That Festivals Are Terrible

#1 Festivals are basically shitty camping.

Instead of nature and beautiful views, you have to deal with stinky unwashed people with terrible hygiene all camping out near you.

#2 Festivals are freaking nasty!

There is a ton of dirt and trash from thousands of other people, few bathroom options, and bugs! Oh god, all the bugs!

#3 If you lose a contact, you are fucked.

Seriously, you might as well give up finding it because even if you do, you don't want to put it back in your eye. Pinkeye much?

#4 Inevitably you will come in contact with someone's body fluids.

It's just a matter of time before you end up doused in someone's piss or stepping in shit.

#5 Prepare for terrible weather.

The weather will never be as good as you hope it will be. Rain and mud will become all you know.

#6 Your body temperature will constantly be in flux.

Part of you will be too cold while another part will be too hot while you're simultaneously wet and dry.

#7 By the end of it all you will never want to see a porta potty again.

The smell! OH GOD, THE SMELL!

#8 Paying extra for VIP means nothing.

You still experience the same shit, you just experience a little less of it.

#9 Everyone wears the same stuff.

For all the talk about individualism and free spirit, everyone you see will look creepily similar.

#10 Prepare to see nudity that you didn't want to see.

Random tits and dicks will be all over the place. You might even see people fucking. These things sometimes devolve into orgies.

#11 Prepare to do a lot of wandering.

You will wander from one end of dirt field to the other over and over again all weekend.

#12 You'll probably end up missing at least a few of the acts you actually came to see.

This is the drawback of all the aimless wandering and the massive crowd of people.

#13 It's almost certain that you will meet some annoying asshole who thinks that he's a shaman with his robe made entirely of hemp.

The drugs people take at these things are mind blowing.

#14 The food costs way too much.

You pay all this money to get in, then you have to pay even more money for shitty food that is way overpriced. To make it even worse you then have to eat it either standing up or sitting down on the ground because there isn't a table in sight.

#15 You will inevitably get separated from your friends due to the stampede of people.

If you ever wanted to feel like one of those kids that got separated from their parents in a big ass mall, go to a festival.

#16 You will definitely lose something important.

Keys, check. Cigarettes, check. Phone, fuck where did it go. Better hope you have a backup.

#17 You'll end up taking more time to recover from your festival experience than you actually did at the festival.

Even if you didn't drink yourself into a drunken haze, your body will still need days if not weeks to recover from the subhuman environment you subjected yourself to.

#18 The worst part about it all is it's probably one of the worst places to actually listen to live music.

It's a big open field with lots of people crammed together yelling. How good can the acoustics be?

#19 Finally, you are expected to pay a king's ransom for this horrendous experience.

Really who the hell came up with this idea? I bet they are rich.

#20 So let's go back over the 10 main reasons why you should avoid these festivals completely.

1. Disappointing Live Bands

Ever go to a concert and find out that your favorite band is absolutely dreadful live? I know I have and, boy, what a humongous disappointment. Something just doesn't click and it doesn't make any sense. How can a band sound so good on an album but like complete dog sh*t live? Oh… there are dozens of sound engineers working on the album and they are allowed multiple takes? Touché. They didn't even play your favorite song? Bummer.

2. Volume

Even if the band plays its songs perfectly, it doesn't matter because the volume at music festivals is almost never correct. If you are near the stage, guess what? You'll be deaf for the next three-to-six days. If you're far from the stage, you will notice that the guys running the booths at music festivals have NO IDEA WHAT THEY ARE DOING! WHY CAN'T I HEAR THE SINGER?! WHY DO I ONLY HEAR THE BASS DRUM?!

3. Mosh Pits

This makes sense. We all love the band and I think the perfect reflection of this love is to beat the sh*t out of each other, right? I love nothing more than hearing my favorite band and getting punched and/or kicked in the face! I hope that you appreciate my wounds, band that doesn't care about me and will leave the next day! I did it for you!!!

4. Sunburn

Oh boy, this one is a doozy. Standing in the sun, waiting for your favorite band to begin playing, getting mercilessly pounded upon by sweaty dudes in mosh pits, and all the while, the sun is relentlessly beating down on your pale flesh. Well, take solace in the fact that your flesh won't be pale for long. Hope you enjoy your new shade of skin — painful rouge!

5. The Waiting

Having to stand and endure the multitude of lesser bands as you wait for your favorite to take the stage is one of the many downfalls of music festivals. You mean, in order for me to hear the headliner, I have to stand here for six hours and listen to a bunch of nobodies? Sign me up! Maybe there will be a new band that I like that I've never heard before… oh, wait no, they're all crappy.

6. Porta Potties

POOP ON THE FLOOR! POOP ON THE CEILING! POOP EVERYWHERE!!!

7. Realizing That You Hate The Other People Who Enjoy Your Favorite Band

No one could ever love your favorite band as much as you — who are all these posers? So what if they have every album, every t-shirt and have followed them on tour around the country? They don't love them like you do. These people are just part-timers — they're not in it for the long haul.

8. Overpriced Merchandise

That's $35 for a t-shirt? You betcha! …Except you remember that you spent all of your money on the $300 tickets for this music festival. Also, you spent $150 to rent a parking spot… also, $42 on three bottles of water… also, no food four days. But you NEED that t-shirt!

9. Porta Potties

POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!

10. Leaving

You don't want to go. You wish this weekend would never end because you have created and shared great new memories with old friends and new friends alike. Even though there are tons of drawbacks to summer music festivals, you'll be back next year. Once you take a shower, eat and go to the bathroom in a real life bathroom, you'll have nothing bad to say about the experience.

If you still want to go to one of these things after all of this then, by all means, be my guest. Enjoy digging your way out of the muck!