Things No One Tells You About Becoming A Mom

#1 You'll start wishing pregnancy on all your closest friends for the sole purpose of expanding your play group

#2 No matter your attempts to look cute matched you'll be constantly covered in smeared banana, yogurt, and other unknown substances.

#3 When you finally have time to make a home-cooked meal, you think it's the greatest thing since sliced bread

#4 Bodily fluids that always used to gross you out don't even faze you anymore (snot, spit, you name it!)

#5 There'll be no more storage on your phone because it's overloaded with baby photos

#6 You'll be so sleep-deprived that anywhere looks like a good place for a nap

#7 Most of the women poop while giving birth. It is common.

#8 Moms can function without sleeping and this can happen every day.

They not only function but also keep their babies alive.

#9 Moms tend to do things only using their one hand.

They become a master at unloading the washing machine, making milk for baby, holding their child and sometimes talking on the phone as well.During childbirth, a woman not only delivers baby but also the placenta. ”Congrats! Say hello to your cute baby and cute placenta!” However, the second thing is not that cute. It more resembles a raw pot roast.

#10 Your baby will puke on you on daily basis.

He/she will also shit on you on the frequent basis.

#11 Your vagina isn't forever ruined after vaginal childbirth.

NO! IT WILL SHRINK BACK. You cannot relate this situation to “hotdog down a hallway.”

#12 Beware of silence.

Silence is always, ALWAYS suspicious.

#13 Your baby "bump" doesn't automatically shrink up after the baby comes out.

Your stomach does not SUDDENLY come to its original size

#14 You'll use Google to research what’s wrong with your kid a minimum of 10 times per day.

#15 Expert moms usually suck boogers out of their kids.

#16 Mom wardrobe does not exist.

"Mom jeans" are whatever jeans you choose to wear that day, but it's usually sweatpants.

#17 It actually takes like three to five days for your breast milk to come in after giving birth; you don't automatically produce it.

However, when it does come, your boobs are like leaky faucet and you have to wait for nursing.

#18 One shoe is ALWAYS missing. And it's ALWAYS when you're running late.

#19 Forget about how you used to remember release dates of movies or actors.

However, you will remember every Nickelodeon and Disney character, theme songs and show timings.

#20 Trust me! Your kid will make you paparazzi.

Your social media page might as well be your kid's baby book.

#21 Your kid’s outfit is more important than yours.

You might have a poop stain on your shirt, but hey, at least your kid looks cute!

#22 A shower is a luxury.

And dry shampoo IS your definition of washing your hair.

#23 Before leaving the house, you need to pack your entire house such as diapers, baby perfume, wet tissues, snacks, etc.

#24 You're ready and willing to do anything in the world to make your child safe and happy.

But even at the playground and at home, circumstances will unfold beyond your direct control.

#25 You don't get instant replays

You will say the wrong thing. You will do the wrong thing. This is true of life in general, of course. But with a child it's especially tough because you're making so many split-second decisions in any given hour—and the repercussions of those decisions are helping to form a growing psyche!

#26 When you become a mom, you can't even put a tampon in without being interrupted.

#27 You will become a song and dance women.

Life becomes like Fame when you've got a babe -- you break into song giving him a bath and feeding him pureed peas because you can't get enough of those smiles that come as your reward. You've also rewritten the lyrics to countless songs to include your baby's name. And your chicken dance? It kills every time.

#28 A salon pedicure will become the emotional and spiritual equivalent of a trip to the Bahamas.

Being a mom does not mean your life outside of your kid has finished.

However, completing an entire film is difficult, as you always feel exhausted.

Each day you think about another person for 1,096,457 times and wonder how you can still love him.