Things Selfish People Do In A Relationship

#1 People are often in unfulfilling relationships.

The dynamic of one partner always giving and the other always taking is common. When requests are made for the takers to give up some part of themselves, they usually decline or flee, at once feeling alarmed and afraid. What is the psychology that underlies this fear and what can you do about this?

#2 Selfish lovers often suffer from feeling inadequate.

Their feelings of inadequacy run so deep that they end up feeling very ashamed. To cover up this shame, they are internal “still” and this “stillness” drives the giver in the relationship to want to keep on giving as a form of resuscitation since the taker often feels dead. When the taker then gives up just a little, this feels so relieving to the giver – it is like a glimpse of a sign of life. But unfortunately for the giver, this does not last too long.

#3 Selfish lovers are often hiding something they are very ashamed of as well.

Giving makes them feel out of control and threatened as they worry that the reason for their shame will be revealed. With this strong feeling of having to cover up all the time, they hold onto their love very tightly because giving it up makes them feel as though they are sliding on ice.

#4 Also, for selfish lovers, love feels like a scarce resource.

When selfish lovers give up a little love, they start to worry that the little that they are connected with will all be gone. This is because selfish lovers are often not self-connected and even when they are deeply intelligent, the one faculty that has remained undeveloped is the faculty of being self-connected.

#5 When you look at various relationships, there are only a few people who are lucky enough to have a balanced relationship.

And then there are those who are unlucky enough to be in a selfish relationship. Nothing makes any relationship more imbalanced than selfish behavior. There are times in our lives when everyone is selfish about some things, but when it turns into a constant occurrence, it is time to take a stand.

Here are obvious signs that you are in a selfish relationship:

#6 Intolerant

They are intolerant of the opinions of other people. They think that they are always right and that people must always follow everything that comes out of their mouths. They don’t really respect opposing points of view and they just plain don’t respect other people at all. They only think about themselves and they tend to get tunnel vision a lot. It’s difficult for them to work in group settings, and in relationships as well. They are also incredibly stubborn and it can be stressful to get into arguments with them.

#7 Communication and selfishness

If your partner ever accuses you of being selfish in the relationship, don’t hate them for it or get angry in return. Complete the discussion, and when the flaring tempers cool down, talk to your partner and try to find out why they believe you’re being selfish.

Prod your partner even if they apologize or tell you that they didn’t really mean it. If your partner could blurt out an accusation like that, there’s a good chance that some part of them believes you’re a selfish person.

#8 Feel Worthless

If your partner is always belittling or nagging you, chances are they make you feel worthless. It has nothing to do with you, as a selfish person will never take your needs into consideration. According to them, things are always about them; which is why they will not be able to take it when you are the center of attention. If you find yourself in a position where your partner does not handle your accomplishments well and starts listing down theirs; it’s easy to say you are in a selfish relationship.

#9 ou Expect Your Partner To Change

You might be acting selfishly in a relationship if you're expecting your partner to change their personality and habits to match your wants and needs. "Your partner tries to change you and mold you into what they want you to be," says Opperman.

#10 Feel Controlled

People with narcissistic personalities put high expectations on others — and when you fail to meet those expectations, judgment almost always follows, said Jan Hill, a Toronto-based counselor and author of Happy Sex: Putting Passion and Play Back into Your Relationship.

“To help you meet those expectations, people with big egos establish rules,” she said. “For example, one narcissist I know wanted his girlfriend to give him 24-hour notice if she was going out with her friends and he wanted to know where she was going. Meanwhile, he maintained spontaneity in his own social life.”

Relationship rules that aren’t applied equally “create resentment, anger and shut down any possibilities for real, respectful and honest love,” Hill said.

#11 Insecure

There is an extra entity in your relationship and it is a green-eye monster called Jealousy. A person who is always trying to outsmart or be better than his/her counterpart is an insecure person with a severe degree of selfishness. If your partner is envious of you it is because you have something he/she doesn’t have and they know it. In a healthy relationship both people growth while bringing out the best of each other.“Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy – in fact, they are almost incompatible; one emotion hardly leaves room for the other.” ~ Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land

#12 You have to beg your partner to do things you want to do.

Compromise is essential in any healthy relationship. It should worry you if your partner doesn’t care about your opinion, isn’t willing to take “no” for an answer or guilt trips you into making decisions, Burns said.

“You shouldn’t have to beg, nag or pull teeth to get your partner to participate in your activities, whether it’s the vacation spot you’ve been dying to get to or the restaurant you want to try for dinner,” she said. “Your needs and wants are just as important as hers and you will likely grow resentful if your mate can’t create a healthy balance of compromise.”

#13 Always Put Their Needs Before Your's

It's important to consider your partner's needs to maintain a healthy, happy relationship. Selfish people tend to do the opposite by putting their needs first. "Even more so, your partner doesn’t give or share with you and always puts their needs above yours. This is a huge red flag," says Opperman.

#14 Negativity or Neutrality

Every conversation that you have with each other never has a good outcome. You’re always caught in perpetual arguments that always leave you resenting each other even more. It’s as if none of your conversations take on a positive or constructive manner. You are always at each other’s throats and it has come to define the very essence of your relationship. That’s how you are known at this point. Your relationship is just full of negativity and toxicity, and you just need to get out of it.

#15 Attention Seeker

Sometimes, when a partner accuses you of being selfish, all they may be trying to tell you is that they want more of your attention. In all probability, they’ve been trying to get your attention by texting you goodnight and good morning texts, or buying you gifts, or taking you out often. And in response, they’re hoping you’d do something nice for them too.

You, on the other hand, may not realize this. And this simple confusion could lead to your partner believing you’re selfish or too self centered.

If your partner calls you selfish, and can’t really explain themselves to you, chances are, they’re just craving for your attention! All you need to do here is reciprocate their romantic gestures with your own signs of love

#16 Flawed

You see your partner as flawed and expect them to change for you *probably because you believe they aren’t good enough for you*. Even if you have the same flaws yourself, you believe those flaws aren’t so significant in your case.

A good example here is weight gain. You may want your partner to lose weight because you believe they look less-than-appealing right now. On the other hand, you may be obese, and yet, you may not believe you need to change or look better for your partner

#17 Unrealistic Expectations

Your partner always expects you to go out of your way, and will not even consider it a nice gesture. Think about it, when was the last time your partner did something nice for you, and that too without expecting something in return. Because a selfish person is unable to give you anything without a reason. If they did something nice for you, chances are they are sitting and waiting for you to do something grand for them.

#18 Trust Issue

You love your partner, but you’re always cautious about trusting them completely because you sincerely believe that you’re the only one who can ever achieve happiness for yourself. Even if you’re dating a great guy or girl, you always look out for yourself first before looking out for your lover’s needs, because you think that’s what your partner would do anyway!

#19 Self-Absorbed

Selfish people are self-absorbed and believe what they are doing is more important than anything their partner is doing. They feel they are doing the right thing by putting themselves first, as their needs come before yours. If your partner feels your needs are beneath theirs, they are betraying you in a way. As this behavior is mentally draining and will drive you insane.

#20 Emotional blackmail.

Emotional manipulation is always a selfish low blow, however, you look at it. Do you withhold sex, give the silent treatment or just ignore your partner when your partner doesn’t do something your way?

Your partner may eventually accept defeat and come your way, but not without resentment and annoyance at the back of their mind. If you want something, communicate with your lover. Hurting your lover emotionally and manipulating them into giving in is a selfish way of winning arguments.

#21 Don’t Apologize.

Do you get a hard lump in your throat each time you have to apologize to your partner? You may say you’re sorry very often when you don’t mean it or for trivial things, but when it’s something that really matters, do you hold yourself back or defend yourself even though you know you’re in the wrong?

On the other hand, do you get angry or upset if your partner doesn’t apologize to you for a mistake they committed? You may not think much of this behavior of yours, but your partner would definitely think you’re selfish and conceited.

#22 Take You For Granted

You think your partner is never going to leave and nothing is going to change. But sooner or later, your partner could get tired of the relationship because you've taken them for granted for such a long time. "If you take your partner for granted and consider your issues to be more important than your partners, this is being selfish," says Opperman.

No relationship is perfect, but when there is no consideration, respect or trust, it can become an abusive partnership. You are only who can decipher if a little selfishness is good, or if it borders on narcissism. Self-love and self-worth exist in loving and healthy relationships