Things You Could Do To Get Over A Breakup With Someone You’re Still Totally In Love With

#1 So you just got broken up with

That’s a tough enough cross to have to bear as is. But to add insult to injury, you’re still helplessly in love with the guy who broke up with you. What ever will you do? How are you going to move on from this emotionally compromising situation that you have found yourself in?

#2 How are you going to survive?

You have found yourself at the bottom of a dark pit and you want to find your way out of there but you need help in doing so.

It’s either you can just choose to let yourself fall all the way to your demise or you can make the conscious choice to pull the cord and release the parachute to guide you towards safety.

#3 Don't bottle up your emotions

Trying to keep everything inside is a short term solution. Like slowly filling a balloon with too much air, soon you’re going to pop.

"Feelings of anger, sadness, loss, and grief are all normal, so instead of beating yourself up about them, the best thing you can do is just go with them," Jules says.

So don’t be afraid to let all your emotions out - just cry if you want to. Scream even. Crying hysterically is a rite of passage during a breakup. It doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human.​

#4 Work Through Your Emotions

One thing that lots of people find useful after a breakup is to take a short break from whatever they’re “normally” doing to help cope with the breakup. If you want to sit on the couch for a few days and eat ice cream – that’s totally fine!

What you’re looking to do is schedule some time to relax and process your emotions at your own pace, rather than trying to soldier through your typical day pretending everything is “fine”. Skip the things you can skip (like maybe the gym or going out to the bar) and keep up with the things you can’t (like work and school).

When you’re taking your break from your routine, what you want to do is give yourself a chance to mourn the end of the relationship. Grief is grief, the only way to get through it is to “put in the hours” as they say.

#5 Start making an effort to see the good out of a bad situation.

Sometimes, all it takes is a little shift in perspective to drastically alter a person’s mood. Yes, the situation is unfortunate. You have lost the love of your life and it is unlikely that you are ever going to get him back. While there are plenty of reasons to be sad and negative about where you are at the moment, there are also some things that are worth being happy about. Don’t forget about all the valuable memories that you shared together as a couple. Think of all the love that you are now free to give to other people in the future. There are many positives in this situation and you just have to open your eyes to them.

#6 Cut off contact

Do this at least for a little while. No, you do not need to be friends. Keeping an ex in your life is not by itself a sign of maturity; knowing how to take care of yourself and your emotional well-being is. Many people hang on to the idea of friendship with an ex as a way to keep the possibility of the relationship alive because the idea of completely letting go seems too overwhelming. While, depending on the circumstances, a friendship may eventually be possible, being friends can’t happen in a genuine way until you have healed through most if not all of the pain, which takes time. Being your own best friend is what is most important during a difficult break-up and that means not putting you in situations that don’t lead to feeling good. When you are hurting, you are vulnerable. Protecting yourself with healthy boundaries is an essential part of good self-care. Politely let your ex-know you need your space and would prefer not to be in contact for the time being. (Don't ghost them.)

#7 Remember to take your time

There is no set amount of time it takes to get over your last relationship, and we all cope in different ways. Some people say that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, which may actually work for some but may also cause more harm than help.

So Jules says at the end of the day, "ignore your friends and their “helpful” advice, and make sure that you move on at your own pace."

#8 Challenge your negative thoughts

Dr. Rego recommends, "Don't buy into the thoughts that emerge (e.g., challenge predictions about the future, correct distortions in beliefs, etc.) and slowly but steadily re-engage the world (i.e., reach out to social supports, make plans that get you out of the house, exercise and eat well, return to healthy sleeping habits, take risks again when it comes to dating)."

#9 Don't torture yourself

In most messy break ups you often feel like you’ll never really know what happened. Even if your ex tells you the exact cause of the breakdown in your relationship, you’ll still be thinking, “yeah, but what was it really?”

Sometimes it's hard to accept the truth of the situation, but Jules tells us the WORST thing you can do is "waste your time soul searching over why the relationship ended."

​Don’t fantasise about alternative scenarios where you “could have been better,” or lie awake at night wondering how you could have made it work. ​Sometimes it’s best to accept that it’s over, and move on. Find something else to focus your energy on: perhaps reconnecting with friends, or trying to meet new people. Trust us when we say that no good can come of those torturous thoughts.

#10 Be brutally honest with yourself

April Masini of AskApril.com explains, "To process the breakup more quickly, be brutally honest about why it occurred. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you're compatible or that you have a future together. Chances are, this breakup happened for a good reason, and if it didn't happen now, it would have happened down the line."

#11 Look toward the future and don't look back

Dr. Dain Heer, the author of Being You, Changing the World, believes that this sense of loss can open the door to great possibility. When you find yourself at the end of a relationship, Heer urges you to ask yourself this compelling question: "What else is possible now that wasn't possible when we were together?"

Heer points out that, even in the midst of heartbreak, the end may be just the beginning. He says, "Move forward to create your life, and if the relationship can be created again with that person you desire to be with, it will be created from a greater, deeper place and not the same old place that made you break up in the first place. In my point of view, a breakup, especially stemming from an unhealthy relationship or perhaps just one that wasn’t meant to be, always leads to something greater."

#12 Take this as a learning experience as you move on in life.

Every setback is an opportunity for learning and development. Learn from your bad relationship and take all these lessons into whatever relationships that you’re going to have in the future. The best way to get over the past is to learn from it.