This May Be The Funniest Poop Horror Story Of All Time

#1 Everything started innocently enough:

"It was my freshman year of college, and my antibiotics were wreaking havoc on my digestive system."

#2

Because it was Carol's freshman year, she decided not to let her intestinal issues ruin her weekend: "I knew I was going to be seeing a certain guy at a party, so I wore my tightest skirt and probably drank a little more than was advisable."

#3

A few hours had passed, and Carol was on her way to the guy's dorm room, and that's when things start to go awry.

#4

"He had a top bunk, which required some maneuvering to get to, but we ended up making it up there and ~hanging out~."

#5

"Due to my barely-contained gastrointestinal distress, I kept everything above the waist, for fear of losing my already-precarious control over my intestinal muscles."

#6

The guy suggested that Carol sleep over, and she unwisely agreed. That's when things went horribly, horribly wrong.

#7

"I had such a bad stomach ache that I couldn't fall asleep. I decided that it was impossible to get down and back up to the bunk bed without waking up both him and his roommate, so"

#8

"When I was sure he was asleep, around 3 a.m., I very carefully parted my butt cheeks to release the most silent fart possible, but liquid hell came out."

#9

"I'm talking, like, that first splatter when you have diarrhea and you make it to the toilet and sit down and it just lets loose."

#10 *heavy breathing*

#11

"I panicked. I could feel my skirt and underwear barely holding the mess in (thank GOD I wore such a tight skirt it was instrumental in keeping this mess from dropping out)."

#12 BUT THEN THE BOY WOKE UP.

#13 Carol knew she needed to escape, but how?!

#14 “In my poop-induced panic, I gave him a hand job to distract him.”

#15 *heavier breathing*

#16 When that was ~finished~ she immediately said she had to go, but HE INSISTED ON WALKING HER HOME.

#17 Carol talked him out of it, and he walked her to his bedroom door IN THE DARK.

#18

"I was as red as a beet from the embarrassment of having actually given a hand job as my big solution to this issue, and I needed to extract myself as soon as I could."

#19

"I walked home, across campus, with liquid shit running down my legs and then I realized I left my keys at his place."

#20

"Thankfully, my RA was awake and let me into the dorm, in all of my diarrhea-soaked splendor."

#21 A valuable lesson was learned that day: “Needless to say, I haven’t consumed alcohol while on antibiotics since.”

#22 And the best part? “I ended up dating the guy for almost three years after this happened.”

#23

"And I found out a year ago that he had NO idea I liquid-shat myself in his bed that first night. He fondly remembered the hand job, though"

#24 You’re the real MVP, Carol. Thank you.