What Kind Of Bitch Are You Based On Your Zodiac

#1 Aries

You’re considered the infant of the zodiac for a reason, Aries. For example, you’ve likely thrown a fit at the drop of a pacifier at least twice this week. It’s imperative you learn that crying like a little bitch isn’t going to solve your problems.

You also may be having trouble in your personal life. Could it be that you’re a preemie in the bedroom as well? This is a common short-coming (pun intended) for Aries. Passing out and leaving your partner unsatisfied isn’t the way to avoid answering the question.

#2 Taurus

The problem with you is that you don’t bitch about the right thing. Your insults are painfully dull and will only hurt those who give a fuck about it, however once you find someone who does your insults will stick.

#3 Gemini

Geminis reserve the right to change their mood faster than DeMario gets kicked off television shows, meaning that you can flip your pettiness switch on at any time. One minute you’re totally pissed, making underhanded comments about how some guy at the bar “disrespected” you, the next second you’re dancing on said bar accepting drinks from Disrespectful Bro like nothing ever happened. Sometimes it’s hard for Chill You to keep track of all the things you did when Petty You was present. “Omg did I really key your car?!? hahaha that’s so random…” The downside to being so liberal with your petty switch is that you’re def the type of person who will start an argument just because you’re bored or hungover or haven’t had any good drama in a while. The upside is you DGAF and will probably feel better in an hour or so, while the person you were in an argument with will be permanently deleting their Facebook account and moving to the woods out of fear.

#4 Cancer

You're a crazy bitch. You have no chill — and this probably isn't the first time you've heard that. While everyone else seems to be dealing with their problems like normal human beings, you're losing cool over literally the most pointless issues. You need to relax.

#5 Leo

You’re the son of the Sun, Leo, not the son of God — although that’s what you liken yourself to. You require more attention than any of the Kardashians, combined.

You’re self-centered, vain and would run in circles doing a fart dance if it guaranteed all eyes on you. A constant stream of compliments still is simply not enough — you prefer for all of your adoring fans to be so far up your ass, they could wear you as a hat.

#6 Virgo

You are bitches. Simple enough, you’re blunt with the perfect touch of finesse and although most of the other zodiacs want to deck you in the face you get away cleverly before they get the chance.

#7 Libra.

You're a broke bitch. You've got the emotional currency of a billionaire, but your literal currency is dwindling faster than the fat of a diva dieting on Qnexa. You would go out tonight, but you went out last month, which is the last time you had money. Get your life together, girl.

#8 Scorpio

Okay Scorpio, be honest. How many times have you gone through a guy’s phone? 100? 1,000? Scorpio betches ain’t nothin’ to fuck with, mainly because they’re always accusing people of fucking with them. Did some thot just say “excuse me” while walking by your boyfriend at the club? Better take your earrings out because it’s time to start a fucking fight. And don’t even get me started on what will happen if the man-who-isn’t-your-man-but-back-off-because-that’s-your-man likes an Insta of a girl in a bathing suit. Like fucking hell you’ll believe that “she’s my cousin” bullshit. And besides, what is he doing with a female cousin in the first place? That shit is shady, and Scorpio is here to expose the shadiness, even if that means showing up at 3am with a BB gun and shooting a hole through bae’s window.

#9 Sagittarius

If you’re a Sagittarius, you are willing to do literally anything for the thrill of it. You’re probably very into Frat guys and you tried anal with Chad, but then you tried it again with Tommy and be honest, you’ll probably try it again with Luke. You’re the type of girl who takes Jager bombs and is always trying to cut the cocaine. You always lose “Never have I ever” but thats why your friends love you – you keep it interesting.

#10 Capricorn

If you’re a Capricorn, you’re a lot to handle. You’re the type of girl who brags to her friends about her hot hook-ups and tells everyone when you move up a cup size. You’re always fucking athletes and sending screenshots of your hottest Tinder matches to your entire gang. You like to be the center of attention and insist on DJing each and every pregame. But we have to hand it to you, you handle being a slutty celeb pretty well.

#11 Aquarius.

You're a basic bitch. Your personality is the equivalent of a tree. It's emotionless, dry and looks basically dead. You need a makeover. Not your looks, but your personality. If you would just break out of the shell that is your mundanity, you might actually make somewhat of an impact on your basic existence.

#12 Pisces

Stealthy little bitch you are. Most would think you’re too shy to bitch at someone but your spiteful personality makes it all to easy to acknowledge your victims weakest points and striking like a venomous snake.