What Profane Feel-Good Message Do You Need Based On Your Zodiac Sign?

By Jamie Vos in Bizarre On 11th October 2015

You got: Beautiful Shithead

Listen up, you beautiful shithead. This is a fucking amazing day for you to shine. Don't let anyone get you down. Conquer shit!

You got: Talented Asshole

You're the most beautiful and talented asshole in all of the land. Keep your head high, motherf*ucker.

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You got: Yaaass, Dickhead

Hey dickhead! Do you know that you're supremely talented and you have so much to offer the world? Remember that, hoe!

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You got: Amazing Jackass

Hi, you amazing jackass. Fuck shit up today! In a good way, though. Don't fuck it up in a bad way, jackass.

You got: Motherfucking MVP

Yo, Cancer, you're the motherfucking MVP! Remember you're the best at being you and no bitch on Earth can take that away from you. SLAY.

You got: Accomplished Asshat

Hey, asshat. Do you know who's the greatest and most accomplished shithead the world has seen? It's you! Keep being phenomenal!

You got: Incredible Fucker

Hey fucker, you're gonna have an amazing day because you're worthy of being happy. Don't let anyone get you down.

You got: Slay, Twat

Turn up today, Twat! You deserve to fucking relax! Fuck. Take it easy every once in a while. Treat yo' self!

You got: Yaaass, Bitch

Yaaass, bitch, yaaass. You're one insanely talented asshat. Don't let anyone make you feel like you're not.

You got: Turn up, motherfucker

Hey mofo, you're fuckin' gorgeous. Never forget it!

You got: Fucking Amazing

You're amazing as fuck, Capricorn. Take on this day with the confidence of 300 goddamn Spartan warriors.