Every Time We Shop, My Husband Fakes A Call To Dodge Paying – This Time, I Outsmarted Him At Checkout

Jason is the kind of husband who always remembers anniversaries, cracks the best jokes, and works hard every day. But there’s one thing about him that drives me absolutely crazy.

Without fail, every time we’re out grocery shopping, his phone buzzes with a so-called "very important work call" the moment we reach the checkout. It’s almost like clockwork. Honestly, if it weren’t so irritating, I’d probably admire his consistency.

"Oh, babe, I gotta take this," he says smoothly before walking off, leaving me standing there with a cart overflowing with groceries and the bill all on me.

At first, I brushed it off. Marriage is about partnership, and we all pick up slack sometimes, right?

A frustrated woman sitting in a car Source: Midjourney

But after the tenth time, with the timing suspiciously perfect yet again, I couldn’t ignore it anymore.

"Who was that?" I asked him one day when he magically returned just as I was rolling our heavy cart back to the car.

"Oh, just work stuff," he replied casually. Then, with a grin, added "Thanks for handling checkout. I'll get it next time."

Newsflash: he never did get it next time.

A woman glancing over her shoulder in a grocery store Source: Midjourney

Last Saturday was the tipping point for me. I had reached my limit.

Our shopping list was massive. We needed to restock pretty much everything: cleaning supplies, pantry staples, snacks, and even that ridiculously expensive coffee blend Jason refuses to live without.

As we neared the checkout, I started mentally counting down. Three... two... one…

RING. RING.

A couple in a grocery store parking lot Source: Midjourney

Jason’s hand shot to his pocket faster than I’d ever seen before, like he was on autopilot.

"Jason…" I began, but he steamrolled right over me.

"Oh, babe, I gotta take this — it's work."

I watched him stroll away, acting like he was dealing with some urgent crisis, while I faced the growing mountain of groceries on the belt all by myself once again.

A cell phone in a man's denim jean pocket Source: Gemini

The cashier, a kind older woman, gave me a knowing glance as her eyes flicked between Jason and me. It was the unmistakable "girl, I see what he's doing" look.

My stomach twisted. Had everyone noticed this sad little routine before I did?

Embarrassment washed over me, but it quickly gave way to something stronger—frustration, especially when I saw the total on the register: $347.92.

Groceries in a shopping cart Source: Pexels

As she handed me the receipt, the cashier gave me a small, sympathetic smile.

That night, as Jason slept soundly beside me, my thoughts kept spinning. Sleep felt impossible.

With every passing hour, my irritation bubbled into determination. I lay there next to my snoring husband, already piecing together a plan in my mind.

By sunrise, I knew exactly how to put an end to Jason’s disappearing act for good.

A woman staring in surprise Source: Midjourney

The night before our next grocery run, I waited until Jason was sound asleep. Then, with ninja-like stealth, I grabbed his phone.

This wasn’t about checking messages or playing detective. We trust each other — well, mostly. But this mission? It was personal.

I went straight to his contacts and scrolled until I found my name.

A woman lying awake Source: Midjourney

With just a few quick taps, I changed my contact to "Bank Fraud Department.".

I returned the phone exactly where I found it and slid back under the covers. A grin tugged at my lips as I stared at the ceiling, feeling pretty pleased with myself.

Jason wouldn’t know what hit him, and I could hardly wait to watch it unfold.

A woman scrolling on a cell phone Source: Pexels

The next morning, we followed our usual Saturday routine: a slow start to the day, breakfast together, then off to the grocery store with a list that seemed to get longer every week.

We moved through the aisles like clockwork, tossing essentials and a few indulgences into the cart — ice cream, his favorite chips, and some overpriced pasta he likes.

By the time we were done, the cart was packed, and we were heading straight for checkout.

A woman falling asleep with a smile Source: Midjourney

"Do we really need three different kinds of chips?" I asked casually, forcing myself to stay cool even as excitement buzzed under my skin.

"Absolutely," he replied with mock seriousness. Then he smirked. "They all serve different purposes. These are for movie night, these are for lunch sandwiches, and these are for when I get hungry at midnight."

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at him, but deep down, I still found him endearing. Even with this ridiculous checkout stunt, he was still my guy.

Checkout counters in a supermarket Source: Pexels

"Whatever you say, chip expert."

As we got closer to the checkout, I noticed Jason’s hand inching toward his pocket. The familiar move.

I quietly tapped a button on my smartwatch, ready to set my plan in motion.

RING. RING.

A woman smiling in a grocery store Source: Midjourney

Jason’s eyes lit up as he pulled out his phone, clearly relieved to make his usual exit. He stepped away from the line without missing a beat.

"Oh, babe, one sec, I gotta—" he started to say, but stopped short when he saw the caller ID flashing: "Bank Fraud Department".

His expression changed instantly, from smug to pale, like someone had flipped a switch.

A woman using her smartwatch Source: Pexels

"Aren't you going to answer it?" I asked with feigned innocence. "It looks important."

Jason’s head snapped toward me, then back to the phone, then to the queue behind us. He was clearly sweating bullets.

"Lauren, this…" he finally muttered, holding up his phone like it might explain everything.

A worried man in a grocery store Source: Midjourney

"Just answer it," I said calmly as I reached over and pressed to answer the call for him.

That morning, I’d recorded a very special message and programmed my phone to call Jason when I triggered it from my smartwatch. I was proud of my setup, but nothing could have prepared me for the look on his face as my pre-recorded message filled the air.

A man holding a cell phone Source: Pexels

"Hello, Jason. We've detected suspicious behavior on your account. Specifically, you pretending to get a phone call every time it's YOUR turn to pay at checkout."

Jason’s jaw dropped, and his cheeks turned beet red. He looked like he wanted the floor to swallow him whole.

The cashier stifled a laugh behind her hand.

The couple behind us couldn’t hold it in and snickered audibly.

A man staring in horror Source: Midjourney

I folded my arms across my chest, feeling victorious as Jason stood frozen with embarrassment.

"That was an important call, possibly the most important one yet," I said dryly, unable to resist twisting the knife just a little.

This time, the cashier didn’t even try to hide her giggle.

Jason kept his gaze glued to the floor. "Let's just... finish checking out."

A smiling couple in a grocery store Source: Pexels

For the first time in ages, Jason reached for his wallet and actually paid for everything. The total came to $389.76, and I couldn't help but notice the cashier giving me a small but satisfied thumbs-up.

"Did you need help with the bags, sir?" she asked Jason, her voice dripping with playful sarcasm.

"No, I got it," he muttered under his breath, grabbing as many grocery bags as he could like he was trying to speed-walk out of the store.

An embarrassed man hanging his head Source: Midjourney

The drive home was... well, tense to say the least. Jason gripped the steering wheel like it might escape, and I fought to keep from bursting into laughter.

Finally, when we pulled into the driveway, he broke the silence. "That was low, Lauren."

I tilted my head and gave him a sweet but smug smile. "Oh? You mean lower than disappearing every time it's your turn to pay?"

Paper grocery bags Source: Pexels

Jason opened and closed his mouth a few times, like he was still processing what had just happened.

Clearly, he realized there wasn’t much he could say.

"How long have you been planning this?" he asked while we unpacked groceries inside the house.

"Not as long as you've been planning your convenient phone calls," I replied, cool as ever.

"I don't plan them," he said, trying to defend himself. "They just... happen."

A couple talking in a car Source: Midjourney

I raised a brow, leaning on the counter. "Every time? At checkout? Like clockwork?"

Jason rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. "Okay, maybe I've been avoiding it a bit."

"A bit?" I chuckled. "Jason, you've turned avoiding the grocery bill into an Olympic sport."

At least he had the sense to look sheepish.

A man glancing at someone Source: Midjourney

"I didn't think about it that way. I just... I don't know, Lauren. It was stupid."

"Yes, it was," I agreed, but let my tone soften a bit as he gave me a genuinely apologetic look. "But pretty clever too, I have to admit."

"Not as clever as your Bank Fraud Department trick," Jason admitted, holding up a jug of milk. "That was diabolical. How did you even think of that?"

A man hanging his head Source: Midjourney

"I couldn't bear having the cashiers giving me those sympathetic looks anymore, like you were some leech who'd tricked me into footing your bills."

Jason flinched like I’d hit a nerve. "You mean the whole store knows?"

"We've been shopping at the same store for how many years now? And you've been pulling this stunt for months… of course, they noticed, Jason." I replied as I set the groceries on the counter. "It's not like you were subtle about it."

A man speaking to someone in a kitchen Source: Midjourney

"Well, fine. You got me. No more fake calls." Jason said, finally raising his hands like he was surrendering. "But I gotta say, you changing your contact name to 'Bank Fraud Department' was pretty genius."

"Thank you," I replied with a playful bow. "I learned from the best con artist."

We both laughed, and for the first time in a while, it felt like we were back on the same page as we finished putting away groceries together.

Groceries on a kitchen counter Source: Pexels

"I'm sorry," Jason said more quietly after a beat, clearly feeling guilty. "It really was a jerk move. I don't even know why I kept doing it."

I shrugged and smiled. "We all have our weird quirks. Just, maybe next time, pick one that doesn't leave your wife holding the bag. Literally."

Since then, I’ll admit — Jason hasn’t pulled his disappearing act at checkout even once.

A couple laughing together in a kitchen Source: Midjourney

In fact, now he’s quick to pull out his wallet every time we shop. Sometimes he even goes so far as to put his phone on the counter before we get in line, like he’s proving a point.

Not gonna lie, I still keep my smartwatch charged and ready — just in case.

A smiling woman in a living room Source: Midjourney

This story is based on real events and people, though names and details have been fictionalized for privacy and storytelling purposes. Any similarities to actual people or events are purely coincidental.

The author and publisher make no guarantees regarding the accuracy of events or characters and accept no responsibility for any misunderstandings. This story is provided "as is," and the opinions expressed are those of the characters, not the author or publisher.