Woman Asks If She's A Jerk For Not Going To Her Daughter's Wedding

It's every girl's dream to have her parents by her side when she's walking down the aisle. But sometimes the parents become estranged, because of divorce and separation, and you have to choose between them. Common decency says that the parent who raised you and was present in your life should be given the priority, but for some kids money talks louder.

Brides

A mother asked on Reddit's AITA thread if she's a jerk for not attending her daughter's wedding, because she's inviting her abusive ex to walk her down the aisle. 

No doubt, anyone would want her biological father to walk her down the aisle. But the OP tells that her daughter's dad was never present for her. And he would make up for it by sending her money and expensive gifts. He never even attended her birthday. 

Glamour

And now when it's time to choose between her absent bio-dad and her stepdad who raised her, she wants her bio-dad to walk her down the aisle. This is heartbreaking for OP and her husband, so she said she won't let her daughter use her wedding dress or attend the wedding. And now she regrets saying that and her family is calling her heartless.

“My baby daddy was an narcissistic jerk and was often emotionally abusive to me and made me cry regularly. We had a daughter ‘Mia’ (22F) he left when she was 8 but regularly sent about $1500 a month to watch her while he traveled the world. Mia would often cry about him missing her birthday, but he would make up by it by sending her consoles and makeup, but it still hurt her that the guy didn’t even bother showing up to her Birthday,” the OP writes.

Mia is getting married soon and we were working on the guest list and when we were talking about who was walking her down the aisle she would constantly switch the conversation and me and my husband asked about it and she said she wants her biodad to walk her down the aisle. My husband said "Bullshit I've been raising you forever it's not fair" and mia replied "my real dad bought me a car, he paid for my surgery, and he even sent me money for a dog". My husband looked heartbroken and went out the house and told me he was going to the bar.

Mia looked at me and said "sorry mom but I want him I know you and him have bad blood but I want him to do it I've been sending letters and he's been sending them back". I then said something I regretted I said "if you invite him I'm not giving you my wedding dress or coming". Mia started tearing up and said fine don't come and ran out now my family is calling me heartless now I feel alone.

Reddit users have mixed reactions to the OP's post. While some supported her and think that her daughter is a jerk for inviting her mom's abuser.

Others read between the lines and called OP a narcissist for only caring about how she feels, and not acknowledging her daughter's relationship with her father, even if it doesn't fit her standards.

Some realized that the situation is complicated and the daughter is stuck between both parents. But still OP has the right to not share the space with her abuser. 

While other's understood that the daughter is being manipulated by her father's charms and needs to know his truth, if it was hidden from her. 

One user emapthized with the daughter and her need for her father's love. That she's choosing her dad because this might be the only way to get the love and support she's been starving for.

One user questioned the OP's intent of not attending just because of her husband, even though what she's been through is valid. If it's not fair to her husband then it's not fair to her daughter as well, who wants her dad at such an important milestone. It's her wedding after all.