Woman Pays $500 To Save The Life Of A Goldfish

A woman in Melbourne, Australia, spent half an iPhone 7 Plus 256GB to save the life of her pet goldfish, Conquer. Words cannot express how grateful the little fleck of Au was when his life was saved. His mother/owner interpreted two flaps of his fins and a flare of his guppy lips as a sign of eternal “tanks.”

#1 The backstory is similar to what follows. Similar.

Conquer's mom barged in on the adolescent practicing open-mouth-fishing on a tiny pebble. The little guy tried to yell "Mom, knock first!" when the rock lodged in his throat. An ambulance was called and Conquer was high-finned on a tiny stretcher to the nearest vet.

The doctors, sensing the mother's stress, went straight to work on removing the pebble/possible sex toy. They used gloves, some fancy tweezers, and meticulous "Operation"-style skills to dislodge the pebble from the 13-gram fish. The mother declined free liposuction.

#2 The vet released a mollified statement of the event:

"Conquer's eyes were obviously bigger than his belly on that day," a spokesperson for Brisbane Bird and Exotics Veterinary Services in Australia told CBS News.

Luckily, Conquer's mom was observent.

"Had she not noticed the subtle changes in her pet, he surely would have starved," the clinic said.

The perverted fish is now back home; he's lucky he wasn't flushed down the pipes into a mass grave of pet fish, tadpoles, lizards, small snakes and petulant sea monkeys.

#3

People are surprised the procedure left Conquer's mom on the hook for a $500 bill, but the vet says they stand by the price.

"While there has been quite a lot of fuss made over the cost of the procedure, we are really just focused on getting a great outcome for the pet, and their worried owner," the clinic said. "Most people wouldn't bat an eyelid spending this money on a dog, cat or child, so why would we value our beautiful exotic pets any less?"

This isn't the only time someone spent a small fortune to revive a pet fish. Two years ago an "exotic" goldfish named George had a head tumor removed for $200 in Melbourne. For the sake of fish owners everywhere, you need to read about the procedure.

Operating on a fish is "a very fiddly procedure, and you have to be very careful about blood loss," Rich said. So how did the vet do it?

First, he prepared three buckets: "one with a knock-out dose of anaesthetic, one with a maintenance level of anaesthetic, and one with clean water as the recovery unit," according to Lort Smith's Facebook page.

When the fish was asleep, Rich ran a tube from the maintenance bucket, which was being oxygenated, into the "patient's" mouth so that the water with the anesthetic washed over the animal's gills.

The doctor then removed the large tumor while using a gelatine sponge to control the bleeding during surgery. To make sure the sizeable wound was sealed, the vet put in four sutures, sealing the remaining part of the wound with tissue glue.

George was then transferred to a recovery unit and given oxygen. He also received injections with long-acting pain relievers and antibiotics.

"Soon afterwards he took a couple of breaths on his own and started swimming around," the hospital reported.

That's right. Goldfish in Australia get better healthcare than most Americans.