Woman Questions If She Was In The Wrong For Ditching Her Husband At Restaurant When He Couldn’t Pay The Bill

By Samantha in Confessions On 14th July 2021
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She asked, “AITA For Refusing to pay for my husband’s meal at the restaurant?”

The question out of context might elicit a “yes” from most of us. There is quite a bit of context though. She says they’ve been married for four months and has discovered (?) her man is bad with money and “he never plans for tomorrow and enjoys buying new things every day.”

“I approached him with the idea of having a joint account,” she continues. “And he said okay. But sadly he took it as in his salary was doubled up and kept purchasing stuff that is expensive without evening running it through me. It was just like grab money and go spend it. Not okay because we have commitments.”

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I talked to him. His response's that since his money's in that account meaning he doesn't have to tell me about where he spends it because technically...it's his money. He admitted joint account was bad idea and unnecessary; In his words "am I crazy to think that everyone should just be able to have their own money to spend regardless of wether they were married or not?"

We decided that each of us have our own salary but both equally pay for everything. He agreed long as he could buy whatever he want with his money.

Last night he suggested we go eat at a restaurant. I assumed each of us pay for our own meals. We arrived and he ordered more dishes than me and two types of desserts. When it was time for paying. I asked the waitress for separate bills and my husband looked confused when he heard. He said "You're not gonna pay for my meal too?" I told him it's his decision that each of us pay for everything 'individually'. Told him this is what separate finances means. He got upset saying he spent all the money he had before coming to the restaurant and didn't think I'd actually decline to pay. So it's fair that I pay for dinne? After he argued and threw a fit I just paid for my meal and was about to leave when he called me selfish and mean.

He came home 2 hours later telling me his buddy came and paid for his meal no problem. He said I shouldn't have declined to pay for his meal and was being mean to him. I told him to not take his misplaced anger out on me but he still argued with me about what I did and how unacceptable it was.

After that I took some time to calm down. We had a talk this morning and when I suggested therapy first thing he said "Okay, But who's paying?" Then reminded me of what I did and how unacceptable it was. He keeps bringing it up and wants me to apologize.

In case our jobs are relevent: I'm a secretary and He's a Police Officer.

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After reading OP's story, most people were confused as to why she married this kind of man? Many pointed out that in just first four months of marriage they are facing these issues, they need to communicate better if the couple doesn't want to head towards divorce. 

 

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