Woman Let's Alcoholic Husband Financially Struggle, Asks If She Is Wrong

AITA for “letting” my husband struggle financially?

Money problems can either bond a couple together or break them apart. This Redditor asked whether she was in the wrong for refusing to help her husband with his truck bills using money she had gotten from her mother.

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“So. Just to begin this, I firmly believe once you’re married or even in a committed relationship, the “my money is your money” saying applies.”

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She shared that her husband had been struggling with his mental health for a very long time.

“Anywho, my husband has been struggling with mental health issues (ADHD and severe anxiety) on and off for about 3 years now and it’s gotten BAD when we moved back to our hometown about 2 years ago.”

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Her husband used to have a job that he enjoyed but that soon ended.

“He had a great paying job and would take days off here and there because of this, but overall enjoyed going and had no other issues.”

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After OP got pregnant, her husband was unable to keep a job and started lying about it.

“Fast forward to approx 19 months ago, we found out I was preggo (now have a 9-month-old). All of a sudden he couldn’t hold a job, would get a job and not even be able to go on the first day, and was just lying to everyone about it (he’d tell his mom or whoever he’d been working).”

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Things finally came to a head and he had to start asking his mother for money.

“Eventually it got to a point where his account was overdrawn and he kept needing to borrow money from his mom. Just to be clear, I pay rent, utilities, groceries, both of our phone bills, and his credit card payments all from my maternity leave money.”

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With OP handling the bulk of the bills, the only responsibility her husband had were his truck bills and insurance.

“The only things he’s responsible for are his truck payments and his insurance. His mom was giving him money every month for this but he kept spending it on beer and weed and so he’d need to keep borrowing more and last week she finally cut him off.”

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Things spiraled towards alcoholism and her husband refused to get therapy for his mental struggles.

“I had been BEGGING him to see a therapist this entire time and he has ADHD and anxiety medication but with the drinking, I’m not sure if it even works properly.”

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Her husband, it seemed gave up on trying to find a job or helping with the baby.

“Anyhow, here's the AITA part. On top of being in the hole and not being able to dig himself out, instead of continuing to look for work or help provide for his family, he sleeps in and rarely helps with our son and when he does he’s so frustrated when our son is fussy and gives up.”

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OP on the other hand was handling the bills but was able to make do with some support from her father. her husband however was unhappy that she decided to use that money for herself rather than help him with the truck.

“My dad has been sending me $20 here and there to do things for myself because I’m so stressed and I saved enough to get my hair done for the first time in years. My husband is now calling me an AH because I won’t give him the $150 I’ve saved to help with his truck payment and instead want to do something for me and get my hair done. So AITA?”

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Redditors showed support and concern for OP.

“NTA - but you need to have an ultimatum with your husband. That he goes to get the help he needs, or you’re gone. And you need to stick with it.

He’s refusing to get help for any of his medical issues, he’s not contributing financially, and he’s just accruing massive debt.”

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Redditors saw this as a bigger issue than just truck problems.

“NTA. This money is a gift from your father to you personally.
But I'm afraid you have far bigger problems than the choice between salon and truck payment. Can you contact his family for (non-financial) support? Some sort of intervention, perhaps? Does he have a best friend who could advise him? Your husband needs help and this situation isn't healthy for you or your child either.”

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Others took a more direct approach when giving advice.

“This is why divorce lawyers exist. Move on and find a happy life. NTA.”

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