WTF Products—The Dude Version

By Editorial Staff in Facts and DIY On 28th September 2015

#1 Inflatable Wife

For the single guy who needs a party date. Good thing is, she has no voice box. Can't fins a wife? Try one in a box!

#2 Shreddies

Now that humankind has stood on the moon, mapped the human genome and revived the Twinkie, our greatest minds have tackled more difficultand sometimes more obscureproblems. Shreddies Ltd. has claimed victory over fart stink. Its flatulence-filtering underwear features "a ‘Zorflex' activated carbon back panel that absorbs all flatulence odours." (The Brits? Again? Since when did America give up its lead in manovations?)

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#3 GoPilot Portable Urinal

Initially marketed to the elderly, GoPilot found a wider demographic among the lazy. The pictures and customer reviews present this as a time-saver on long car trips. (One happy user also recommended it for extended video game sessions.)

Advantage: Your car is nicer than a rest-stop urinal.

Disadvantage: Your vehicle isn't much nicer after you stockpile urine under the steering wheel, and the aroma wafts up from the tube you just pulled from your pants.

Advantage: GoPilot saves you time.

Disadvantage: Unless you put one end of the tube in your pants while still in your driveway, engaging the GoPilot could be more dangerous than texting while driving.

Advantage: "It comes in a discreet, gray, mesh bag which doubles as a privacy shield."

Disadvantage: If you express a desire to pee in your car with other passengers, you'll probably get all the privacy you want anywayno discreet gray mesh bag necessary.

#4 Dr Pepper TEN

When you're fighting for the drippings left behind by Coke and Pepsi, you can't be subtle in your advertising. Dr Pepper confronted the male stigma associated with diet drinks by introducing Dr Pepper TEN three years ago. (Initial slogan: "It's not for women.") Compared to the non-diet soda's 250 calories, 66 grams of carbs and 64 grams of sugar, TEN has just 20 calories, 5 grams of carbs and 4 grams of sugar per 20-ounce bottle. Men already have bigger guts, higher incidence of heart disease and a shorter lifespan. Getting our own drink in addition to all that seems like overreaching.

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#5 Nestle Yorkie Bar

The divide between men and women in Great Britain isn't just limited to the imagination of some marketer of a cheesy latex doll. British blokes also have their own chocolate. Presumably, its net weight of 2.38 ounces makes it bigger than competing chocolate bars, and no one has gone broke on either side of the Atlantic pandering to male gluttony.

#6 Mansize Kleenex

For those men with big noses OR for that special single night alone in bed? These giant sized tissues will surely do the job!

#7 Libido Max

The folks at Applied Nutrition must be on to something. They had enough confidence in their product to offer it in a "soft liquid gel," a trio of words you would generally avoid associating with this item. The packaging is clinical and boring, but that's better than the goofy guy on the box of Enzyte.

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#8 Dude Stick

Bye Bye Susie Chapstick. This lip balm is designed specifically for men. It's promises no chapped lips or cracking while working in the sun, sleet, rain or wind. Sounds like something a postal worker would need.

#9 Junk In My Trunk

Clearly, the makers of this product are in on the joke. Their slogan is, "This package is too big for this package." The good folks at ShopInPrivate.com (a superstore for this kind of item) claim that "those penis enhancer pills other websites sell aren't going to work, so why not just start faking it." Just make sure whomever you are trying to impress never gets to see the merchandise.

#10 Hand Shit Hand Cream

If the word "shit" on the label doesn't encourage you to slather this stuff on your hands, the Smokey Bear on the lid should seal the deal. After all, bears are known for their soft skin, especially if they fight forest fires. ("Only you can prevent dry skin.") Hand Shit actually contains beeswax and vitamin E and is feces-free.

#11 Cast Iron Hand Cigar Ashtray

This badass ashtray could be a desk accessory for holding keys or whatever else badasses keep in their pockets instead of change. ("Change," whether it means coins or making things different, is for women.) Nothing says "man" like extinguishing a cigar in the palm of your hand. And unless you are G. Gordon Liddy, The Three Stooges or Herman Munster, this ashtray is as close as you'll get.

#12 BroGurt

The brand's slogan was "find your inner abs." Because eating yogurt leads to muscle definition, naturally. The website for the product has disappeared since HuffPost first reported in 2013. We wonder why?