There are some days that feel like any other.
You wake up, put your pants on one leg at a time and then fall down a flight of stairs and break your neck.
While you’re lying there paralyzed you think to yourself “that escalated quickly” and your four-year-old child comes round the corner and says “yes, yes it did” before hitting you in the head with a plastic hammer saying “I’m also telepathic”.
That's a bummer.
The Coca Cola company thanks the weather for its service to America.
Sit in the corner and think about what you've done.
"I thought you said you wanted the house to get more natural light?!"
When your vacuum is more important than your first born.
Nobody makes a fool out of Nana.
"Goodbye cruel world, I hardly knew you".
Always check your side-mirrors for potential bee colonies.
Today may not be the best day to mention that she forgot to mow the lawn.
"I found it that way".
Lock and lol.
At least now you have a nice indoor/outdoor flow.
The librarian was killed by the very books she was sworn to protect.
