15 Things Every Girl Is Dying To Ask Guys But Are Too Afraid To

By Muk Khatri in Funny On 8th September 2015

#1 Can you even sleep on your stomach...or like, do you levitate in the morning and wake up bruised?

Contrary to popular belief, we do not live our entire lives with an erection. While it's mostly involuntary, we make the necessary adjustments.

#2 How does it feel to walk with squishy dangling appendages in between your legs? Do they hit your thighs from side to side like a pendulum?

You know when a guy goes to adjust? That's because sometimes it gets dislodged. Most of the time it sits in a comfortable position in our underwear, so it's contained. We have no control over where it is. If it decides to get squished, we have to make adjustments. Deal with it. And, no, we don't sit on our balls.

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#3 How do you live with such boring looking underwear?

We have better looking underwear than you. Most guys just prefer to bulk shop at Costco because we're frugal.

#4 How do you resist the urge to play with your balls? Seriously, they're like a stress reliever toy form the '90s. You've got an awesome childhood in your pants and you're letting it go to waste.

Or my balls would explode and I'd look like I'm having a seizure while having rabies. Even the slightest flick will send any guy into a severe shock, causing unrelenting pain and anguish. Balls are not toys.

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#5 How does it feel to still look good after only paying ten dollars for a haircut?

Great. Are you jealous?

#6 Does your penis ever dip into the toilet water like an Olympic diver?

Think about this for a second. You know how big it would have to be? No, for most of us, we will never experience this.

#7 Does getting kicked in the balls really hurt that badly? Because, I don't know, but pushing out a five-to-seven pound baby out of a small hole sounds worse.

Ah, the old "balls vs. baby" question. Well, know this: even a slight graze with some force will cripple a guy. If you want to inflict immense amounts of pain on a man, hit them in the balls. Also, the itch is like the itch on the bottom of your foot: don't itch immediately and it gets intense. Factor in that it gets no oxygen down there and things get messy. Balls can be a burden.

#8 Can you pee with a hard-on?

It's really, really hard to aim. Sometimes there's something called the "split stream." Basically, two streams that can be in directions that don't make sense, showering things with our pee. Sometimes, regretfully, we have to sit.

#9 Hands-free peeing, is that even a thing?

It's because peeing is a game. It's always a game. Why do you think guys are always so happy? Games that we play: target practice, who can pee the furthest, etc. Peeing on things is fun, too.

Also, what if you're out in the wild or have no soap? We don't want gross hands. As such, hands-free peeing. Now you know.

#10 Can you control your erections or does it go from 0-60 in less than a minute?

Most of the time, we can't. Think about morning wood. We're not aroused. It just happens.

#11 How does it feel to be able to eat whatever you want and have the metabolism of a Greek god?

Ask the minority of men who experience this. Most of us are self-conscious and don't get to eat as much as we want. :'(

#12 Can you bend an erect penis or does it snap off?

It'll break. They aren't meant to bend, so, please, do not test this.

#13 When you shower and clean yourself, do you always get an erection? How would you even get any work done or even go to work if you're quickly scrubbing and get hard by mistake? It's like, "Damn, gotta take care of this first." And that's exactly why Tom was late for work that day. #penisprobz

There's different degrees of hardness, and if you aren't thinking about it then it goes away. Also, you don't need to be turned on to get one. It just happens. If it does, we move on with our lives, let the guy soften, and get to work on time.

#14 How does it feel to have sex? Is it like sticking your fingers in an apple pie but a thousand times better?

Actually...yes.

#15 If you have a beard, is your face constantly on fire?

Only if it's the first time you're growing it out OR if you're growing it to a new length.

Quickfire Answers:

Not sure why every woman cares about peeing so much, but we don't like to converse in bathrooms. Actually, if someone talks to us, we tell other guys that some guy had the balls to talk to us. It's an unwritten rule. Look straight ahead and get your business done.

- I guess balls are a hot topic. Some people ask, "do you put in the right leg in first or the left?" to find out which way the guys are hanging. No idea. We just put pants on because putting on pants is easy. It's a completely unconscious act. We don't think about what leg to put in first just because we have balls.

- No, penises don't float in the water. They don't sink either.

- It's hard to answer other things because then we start to generalize. You might wonder what we think about makeup or what kind of clothes we prefer. Well, there's no answer. The above are fairly universal, to a degree.