The truth isn't always stranger than fiction, but in these cases, it totally is.
Absurd Headlines That Should Not Have Happened This Week
By
Editorial Staff in
Bizarre
On 16th June 2016
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#1 Japanese 'naked restaurant' to ban overweight diners
"Waiter, there's a pube in my salad, replace it for me would you and kick that fat b*tch out while you're at it."
#2 Dutch woman held in Qatar after making rape complaint
Yeah, makes total sense to villify the victim by keeping her in prison for 3 months because she committed "adultery" after she was drugged and raped.
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#3 Martha Stewart: 'Orange is the New Black' not as good as real thing
Wait, what do you mean, "good"?
#4 Police say smiling dog in selfie must leave community
UNHAPPY DOGS ONLY!
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#5 EU referendum: British public wrong about nearly everything, survey shows
Wait, what do they mean, everything? Are they wrong about being British too? Which would mean that they'd be...right? Whoa.
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#6 Jesus is back in The Passion of the Christ 2
The Passion Of The Christ: It's Personal.
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#7 Axe throwing bar off to good start in Halifax
"Well, no one died."
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#8 Unprecedented telemarketing violation case could lead to trillion dollar fine
And hopefully shut down the tele-marketing business down for good.
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#9 Trump on Jeb endorsement: 'Who the hell cares?'
Way to kick a man when he's down, Donald.
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#10 Senate candidate Angle’s mailer sends voters to cartoon porn site with her opponent’s name
We are officially entering the Trump era of politics.
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#11 Britain's Royal Navy warships are breaking down because sea is too hot
But global warming isn't real, or anything.
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#12 Man Charged After Slapping Woman with Chicken
How the hill did that even happen?
#13 Most bestiality is legal, declares Canada's Supreme Court
....hooray?
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#14 Family Transforms 25-Foot Silo Into Enormous Minion
This f*cking movie.
#15 Bike Thief lassoed by man on horseback in Wal-Mart parking lot
Only in America!
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#16 'Silent fireworks' display was too noisy, say parents
These event exist?
#17 Italian newspaper draws criticism with 'Mein Kampf' giveaway
Didn't Mussolini write anything that they could've given away instead?
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#18 California Black Lives Matter activist convicted of 'felony lynching'
Jesus.
#19 Truck hauling more than 400 beehives involved in chain reaction crash on I-85
Welcome to my nightmare.
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#20 Cows help cops catch suspect
Police we over the MOOn.
#21 The World’s "Ugliest" Color Could Help People Quit Smoking
You figure the stained, decayed teeth and mouths of oral cancer victims would be enough.
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#22 Woman dies after being impaled by flying beach umbrella at Virginia Beach
This isn't what Rihanna was singing about...I hope.
