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#1 “I’ll make sure books aren’t upside down when I pretend to read them. That’s so awkward.”
#2 “2015 will be the year I finally outsmart that goddamn baby gate.”
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#3 I’ll try not to make this face when I hear we’re having veggies for dinner.”
#4 “I won’t toss as many random things into the cart when my parents aren’t looking.”
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#5 “I’m going to stop licking all the balls in the ball pit.”
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#6 “I’ll quit pissing off the dog so damn much.”
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#7 “I won’t lose my shit when my mom combs my hair.”
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#8 “I’ll delete fewer of mom’s apps.”
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#9 I won’t pull off my diaper and leave it on the middle of the floor.”
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#10 “I’m going to finally lose this baby weight.”
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#11 “I’m going to beat this mac and cheese addiction.”
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#12 “I’ll play it cool around bubbles instead of clapping and giggling like a trained seal.”
#13 “I won’t squeeze out half a tub of toothpaste every time I brush my teeth. Also, I’ll brush my teeth.”
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#14 “I’m going to really work on not making out with myself in the mirror so much.”
#15 “I’ll limit tantrums to 2-3 a week, tops.”
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#16 “I’ll try to give up pooping in the bath.”
#17 “I’m going to finally break down and figure out this utensil business.”
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#18 “I will let my parents unload the dishwasher in peace. But man will I miss watching them freakout when I pretend to reach for a butter knife.”
#19 “I’ll have all of my middle of the night freakouts between the hours of one and four a.m. only.”
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#20 “I’m going to master potty training…. but not before I eat a whole lot of M&M’s, lol.”
